Chapter One

Emma's eighteen when her father tells her she's officially engaged.

She's also eighteen when she finds herself on her balcony, not exactly crying but not with dry eyes either. Her younger brother, Henry, asks her if she's okay, and Emma can't respond, because she's not entirely sure that she is, but Henry doesn't need to know that. He might not be a baby but he isn't old enough to need the weight of his sister's drama.

Emma, the Crown Princess of Misthaven, was only fifteen when she was told to start considering potential suitors. Her parents had brought wealthy families in from all around the kingdom so Emma could meet their son, who was either dreadfully annoying or a complete ass. But apparently after three years of Emma rejecting suitors and the delay of her coronation two months, her father had become fed up and chosen a fiancé for her himself.

But Emma didn't want to marry Rumplestiltskin's son. Emma knew who she wanted to marry, but she also knew her parents would never let her. She's supposed to marry someone that can help their kingdom, and Baelfire will most certainly help the kingdom, securing an alliance with the Dark One and preventing their kingdom from future peril.

Still, that doesn't mean she has to be happy about it.


Emma's eighteen and two months when she meets her fiancé, and she'll be eighteen and six months when she gets married, and eighteen and six months and two weeks when she becomes queen, which means she has exactly four months to suck it up and tell her parents or ruin her wedding.

Which is a horrible thing to think, really, but that doesn't change the fact that being married to someone other than the man she loves will going to suck.

Her mother is in her bedroom with her helping her put on her dress, her baby brother, Leo and her younger sister Ruth on the bed watching. Ruth just turned seven and Leo is only a year old, setting them both far apart from Henry and Emma, her other brother fifteen.

Snow smiles and steps back to look at her daughter in her dress, smiling wide at the sight. It's one of Emma's least favorite dresses, the light purple covered in darker purple roses. She has some nice dresses, and it's not like this one is ugly, but it's very tight and her corset digs into her sides and she prefers not to wear it because of it.

"Oh, Emma," her mother's eyes begin to water. "You look so beautiful. And you'll be such a beautiful bride."

Emma fakes a smile and glances at herself in the mirror. She doesn't look happy, looks far from it, and it stuns her that her mother cannot see it. If anyone understand her, it's her mother, and yet she can't see the fact that her own daughter wants to run away.

Ruth smiles and jumps from the bed to wrap her arms around her sister. Ruth's a very quiet girl, but can somehow convey so much in just a few glances. When Emma looks down at her sister, she can see that Ruth understands somehow, even at her young age.

"I'll see you downstairs in ten minutes, alright?" Snow confirms, picking Leo up from the bed and grabbing Ruth's hand. Emma nods, not fully able to gather the courage to actually speak.

Finally alone, Emma sits down on her bed, sighing heavily and lying down, wrapping her arms around her middle. Sucking in a shaky breath, she lies back amongst her covers and tries her hardest not to cry, or scream, or both.

Which is why she nearly jumps out of her skin when she hears feet falling on her balcony, and when she looks up, she finds the one man she both wants to see and can't fathom what to say to him.

"Killian!" Emma jumped up at the sudden, but not unwelcome, visitor. Of all the people she expected to visit her, he was not one. "What are you doing here?"

The lieutenant shrugged sheepishly. "I don't know. I just...Liam told me about the engagement, and I needed to see you."

Emma's heart melted for him. Like her, he knew that their relationship was one that was doomed, but that didn't mean either of them were okay with that.

"I have to go downstairs soon." She told him, walking towards him as he enters the room. Calmly, she shuts the shades to her bedroom so they're alone, so that no one can see them, especially not now.

Killian nodded. "I know. I saw the boat coming in."

Emma winced. Without a second thought, she said, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't apologize. You and I both knew this was coming, didn't we?"

Emma nodded, sniffling and willing herself not to cry. Still, she failed, a single tear falling from her eyes. Killian steps closer to her, his hand reaching up to brush the tear from her face, his other arm coming around her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on for dear life. More tears fall on his neck and he holds her tighter, breath shaking against her.

"I don't want to marry him." She admits in a whisper. "I don't want to marry him because I want to marry you."

Killian hums. "I know, Love. But you can't. You've known from the beginning this had to come to an end."

Emma shakes against him, and she can tell he's being strong for her, but she doesn't want him to be. She wants him to break like her, so she can know that he's just as upset as she is, so that she can know he still loves her as much as he always has.

Killian starts to pull away from her, placing hands on either of her cheeks and brushing away her tears. "You need to go, Love."

She sucks in a breath and places her hands on his arms, willing herself back to composure. She's grown up learning how to put a mask on, to look happy for her people, and today she's going to need that mask.

Sighing heavily, Emma pulls away from him, turning away to go to the door. When she turns back with her hand on the knob, she finds him watching her, a pained expression on his face.

"Will you come back tonight?" Emma asks, knowing what she's asking is wrong and probably illegal. "Please? I just...I need one last night."

Killian scratches behind his ear, but nods nonetheless.

"I'll see you tonight." Emma smiles, but before she can open the door, there's a hand grabbing hers and turning her against the door, pinning her there as his lips descended on hers, brutally moving against them as he clings to her, finally letting himself feel what he's been trying to bury. His hands move into her hair and hers wrap around his neck, holding him against her. She gasps against his lips and places her hands on his back as he continues his assault on her mouth, desperately searching for what they had before Emma was engaged and it was just the two of them.

They're both startled at the knock on her door, but luckily no one tries to actually open it. Her mother's best friend, Ruby, talks through the door, saying, "Em, you've got to get moving. Your mother is becoming quite impatient."

Emma pulls away, taking in a deep breath to compose herself. "Alright, I'll be right there." She yells back, and she's proud of how normal she sounds. Quietly, she whispers to Killian, "I love you. Don't forget that."

Killian smiles back at her weakly. "I love you too."


Balefire isn't the worst of all the suitors she's had, but he's certainly not the best. She doesn't miss seeing the Dark One, his scaly skin and manipulation unnerving her. Although he had served his time (in Emma's opinion, it hadn't been nearly enough, but her mother was Snow White, so) she still didn't trust him, and clearly neither does Regina, her step grandmother eyeing him warily as he speaks with her parents. Emma somehow finds herself next to the redeemed former queen and her now-husband. After Regina's curse had failed, she and her mother had finally worked things out, and meeting Robin had significantly changed the former evil queen. Still, Regina still had a past with Rumplestiltskin, and knew better than to trust him.

Snow insists Emma and Baelfire take a walk in the gardens to get to know one another, and frankly Emma would rather stick needles into her eyes, but she agrees nevertheless. The two make their way to the garden, guards trailing behind them, far enough away so they cannot hear it when Bae whispers, "Emma, I have to be honest with you."

Emma whips her head to the side, confused. Still, she nods, eager but somewhat nervous to hear what he has to say.

"Back home, in my father's kingdom, there was someone else." He admits to her, refusing to meet her eyes. "And I knew my father would never allow me to be with her, so I agreed to this marriage."

Bae glances over at her, nervous. Without hesitation, Emma presses, "Go on."

"Well, she's a part of my father's staff, and she's come all this way with us, and I'm not entirely sure that my feelings for her are completely gone. But I want you to know that I'm going to try to be a good husband to you, whether we love each other or not. And I'll understand if you love someone else, truly. If we need to appear a couple but not actually be one, I will do so."

Emma gapes at him, confused and stunned by his words. She never expected to marry someone that would be okay with her loving someone else, but then again, she never expected to marry someone who was in love with someone else as well.

She smiles gratefully, but she knows she can't tell him the truth. She couldn't do that to her parents. "Thank you, Bae, truly. And don't think I'm not okay with you being with someone else, but I can't risk an illegitimate child. I couldn't do that to my parents. Or you, for that matter. What would your father do if he found out?"

Bae shrugged. "I wouldn't let him hurt you. You would still be my wife, Emma. He can punish me all he wants, but he would have to understand it wasn't your fault."

"I always thought I would marry for love." Emma admits after a moment. "I mean, after my parents. Look at them. Snow White married a shepherd. I figured I would be free to marry who I wished."

"We can still stop this." Bae tells her. "If you tell your parents and I tell my father, they have to understand. They can't force us into something that could make us miserable."

Emma nodded, but still couldn't find it in herself to agree. "Bae, I love my parents. And I love this kingdom. And if this is what they want for me... I don't know if I can refuse."

Bae nodded, glancing to the side. As Emma watched his face fall and pain gather in his features, Emma could tell he was struggling with the same thing she was: loving someone he wasn't supposed to love. Loving someone he couldn't love.


It's around nine o'clock when Emma is finally in her nightgown. Dinner had been an uncomfortable affair, with her arranged fiancé to her left and Henry to her right, her future father-in-law sitting across from her and smiling smugly as he makes conversation with her parents. She finally ran upstairs at seven thirty, whereupon she took a far too long bath to gather her thoughts- thoughts about Killian, about Balefire, about what he had said, about her parents. She had finally gotten out after about a half hour and changed into her blue silk nightgown, the lace robe around her doing very little to warm her from the breeze entering the open balcony doors.

Emma had nearly given up, had nearly lost her patience with the amount of times her cat had tried to escape off the balcony, and was about to shut the windows when she heard footsteps on the balcony, her dashing lieutenant entering her bedroom.

A smile blossomed across her face as she wrapped her arms around him. "I was starting to worry you weren't going to show." She admitted.

Killian shook his head as he pulled back. "Of course I was going to come. I couldn't resist you even if I tried. Liam kept me longer than I expected. He wanted to introduce me to his new girlfriend."

Emma smirked. "Captain Liam Jones has a girlfriend. I never expected that."

Killian chucked as he closed the balcony windows and Emma went to lock the door. It was a routine they had down well, ever since the time that Ruth had almost walked in on them ten months prior. "Neither did I. But she's very nice. I can see why Liam likes her."

Emma raised her brow as she sat down on her couch, Killian sitting next to her. "Can you? Should I be worried?"

He shook his head in response, leaning over to kiss her. "Of course not, Love. No one could ever rival you."

And for a minute, it was just Emma and Killian again, and she wasn't engaged to someone else, and they weren't doomed to end. But then reality was back as his eyes widened and he realized what he'd said, and she realized she needed to tell him what Bae had told her.

"Killian, I need your advice on something." She admitted, leaning into him. Wordlessly, he leaned back against the arm of the chair and allowed her to lay back on him and then wrapped his arms around her.

He pressed his cheek to the top of her head. "Anything, Love. You know that,"

"Baelfire told me something today. My…the man I'm…Rumplestiltskin's son. He told me that he was in love with someone else, and that if I wanted to end the engagement, he would agree and would protect me from his father." Emma admitted. When she looked up to gauge his reaction, he was emotionless, simply listening to her talk. "But I don't want to disappoint my parents. I know they want this for me, and I know they want me to have a strong King to rule beside me, but Bae's offer…I love you, Killian Jones, more than anything. And I want to be with you, but even if we did refuse to marry, how do I know my parents would let me marry you?"

Killian took a deep breath, processing what she'd just told him. Finally, he said, "Emma, this is your decision, ultimately. And if your parents love you as much as I think they do, they'll understand. They married for love, and at the end of the day want you to be happy. We spent so much time hiding, we don't even know if we've ever had to hide. If you want to marry me, I'll marry you in a heartbeat. You just have you admit to your parents how you feel. And if you want to marry Baelfire, I'll step aside. But you have to know that I'll never love someone as much as I've loved you."

His speech had brought tears to her eyes, and she was so overwhelmed with emotion she didn't know how to respond. Instead, she twisted around, connecting her lips to his, hands running through his hair. It was longer now, and her hand found the tie that was holding his hair back, letting it lose so she could tug on the ends. His mouth opened to hers and their tongues tangled as he laid her down on the couch, covering her body with his. She strained to wrap her legs around his waist against her nightgown, not even batting an eye as the side ripped. Gathering all the courage she has, she pushed his jacket off his shoulders, staring up at him as he pulls away, shocked.

"What are you doing?" His eyes search hers for an answer, one she isn't entirely sure of.

Smiling shyly, Emma admits, "I want it to be you. Even if we do get married one day, I want this memory. I want it to be you, not some boy I've been forced to marry."

"Are you sure you're ready?" Killian asks her.

Emma nods. "I've never been more ready."

Killian hesitates again, but then he nods slightly because he understands her. If anyone knows her, if anyone can read her mind, it's him, and he knows that their future is uncertain, and he must realize that he needs this too. So without further debate, he dives back down to kiss her, hands coming to the tie of her robe and helping her slip out of it before climbing off of her and holding out a hand to her. Emma stands with him, hands coming to the collar of his shirt but not making any move to kiss him. Instead, she moves her hands to the buttons of his vest, unclasping each one without looking away from him. He watches her intently, gaze never wavering, and looking into his eyes all she can see is love, love she returns, love she can't imagine living a day without.

"I love you," she tells him, as she slips the vest from his shoulders, and then lifts the shirt from his chest. It's toned from the years he's spent in the navy with his brother, hair coating his chest and she runs her fingers through it, following the trail to the top of his pants.

"I love you," he tells her as he lifts the silk nightgown from her figure, eyes memorizing her figure. If this is the only night they have together, she intends to savor it.

He whispers it to her again as he lies her on the bed, and she does the same as marks every curve and freckle on his body, and they may not be married and this may have been spur of the moment and as awkward of a first time as any other, and her parents would likely kill the both of them if they found out, but to them, none of that mattered. To them, it couldn't have been more perfect.


She's lying on his chest hours later, clothes strewn across the floor, candles fading, and she can't think of a time where she felt more content. She can tell he's exhausted and about to fall asleep by the way his breathing is beginning to even, but she can't let him yet, and they words just seem to escape her mouth as she asks, "Marry me."

She can feel the lazy smile that crosses his face. "Anything, Love."