AN: HEY GUY ! Just finished my first fanfic, friends bin telling me to publish 4eva. My Boyfriend gave me the insiration LOLZZ love him so much but wish he was vamp JK JK. This fanfic deals with REALLY SERIOUS ISSSUES , SO U HAV BEEN WARNED. I don't own twilight but its is my whole life TEAM EDWARD 4EVA! Shout out to ma babe LIndeys the the editing, love u millons!

Edward Cullen was thinking about Bella Swan again. Bella was a drama queen, fairy with a sparkly pussy and perfect ass.

Edward walked over to the window and reflected on his dreary surroundings. He had always hated dull Fawkes with its tired, trash can behind Bella's house. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel glum.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the drama queen figure of Bella Swan.

Edward gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a perfect, sparkly, blood drinker with a skinny ass and boring dick. His friends saw him as a splendid, straight slug. Once, he had even rescued a confused Jacob from a burning building.

But not even a perfect person who had once rescued a confused Jacob from a burning building, was prepared for what Bella had in store today.

The rain teased like a shagging werewolf, making Edward horny. Edward grabbed a damp dildo that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Edward stepped outside and Bella came closer, he could see the knobbly glint in her eye.

Bella glared with all the wrath of 1926 dumb cooing Cullens. She said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want sex."

Edward looked back, even more horny and still fingering the damp dildo. "Bella, I don't want to slide my manhood into your moistening minge," he replied.

They looked at each other with sad feelings, like two vague, vacant Voltotri skullking at a very whiney Bella's Birthday, which had classical music playing in the background and two shimmery uncles spanking to the beat.

Suddenly, Bella lunged forward and tried to punch Edward in the face. Quickly, Edward grabbed the damp dildo and brought it down on Bella's skull.

Bella's sparkly pussy trembled and her perfect ass wobbled. She looked crestfallen, her emotions raw like a sore, steamed sock.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Bella Swan was dead.

Edward Cullen went back inside and made himself a nice drink of Bella.

THE END