A/N: Zomg Zomg! I've finally put up the first chapter of The Title Of This Story May Contain Traces Of Skooma! After all the weeks of debating whether or not to do it, I've finally mustered up the nerve to do it.

I own nothing except for my OC's Malisiya and Taneil, unfortunately. If I did own Oblivion then Martin would be living in a cage in my basement ^.^

Looking for a Beta if anyone's interested

Hope you like it!

The sound of water dripping echoed through the prison, thoroughly annoying the red-headed Nord occupying one of the jail cells. She had been trying to sleep ever since the Imperial Guards had thrown her ass in said jail cell last night. They had stupidly mistaken her for her sister. They may be twins, but where she was red, her younger sister had hair as white as the snow that covered the mountains of their homeland Skyrim. I guess that was just the price she had to pay for being so beautiful...and for having such a nefarious sister like Malisiya walking around with her face.

The Dark Elf, grey haired and disgusting, in the cell across from her seemed to notice that she was awake...and of the opposite gender.

"Ooooh, aren't you a fair lass." He cooed. I scowled, picking up the jug that I used to piss in last night and tossing it in his general direction.

"Piss off, Dunmer scum." I snarled, pushing my long red hair out of my face. Oh yeah, did I mention that said red-headed Nord was little old me?

The Dark Elf glared at me, his hands clenching around the bars of his cell when the weight of what I just said and done came crashing down on me. I ducked my head and started to laugh.

"Piss off...and I just...threw my piss at you!" I gasped between my insane laughter. Hey, what can I say? I am the Duchess of Mania.

"You crazy bitch," The Dark Elf spat. "One of the guards-" He was cut off by the sound of the door creaking open and voices barrelling down the stairs. "You hear that? The guards are coming; for you! Hehehehahaha!" He cackled

"You bloody bastard," I started, wrapping my hands around the bars of my cell. Suddenly a pale and sunken in face, harrowed by age appeared before mine, surrounded by three Redgaurds in shiny armour.

"Talos almighty!" I screeched, jumping away from the door and grasping at my chest.

"What's this prisoner doing in here? This cell is supposed to be off limits!"

"Usual mix up with the watch, I-"

"Never mind, get that gate open. Stand back prisoner, we wont hesitate to kill you if you get in our way."

I frowned but complied, slowly walking backwards until my rear hit the far wall.

"Stay put," One of the men ordered when the door to my cell was pushed open and they all crowded in. He pointed at the ground to emphasize his point. I rolled my eyes.

"Where else would I go? I grumbled under my breath. Then I heard the sound of stone grinding against stone and saw that the woman had opened what looked like a tunnel in the right wall of my cell.

"Um, other than through there! See you later bitches!" I hollered to the other occupants of the cell block.

"You...I've seen you." The old guy whispered, walking towards me. "Let me see your face." Oh. Okay. Yeah. Because that's not creepy or anything.

"You are the one from my dreams." He stated. "Then the stars were right, and this is the day. I frowned.

"Sorry. I'm sure that pickup line works on the um, older, ladies, but...yeah. No. Just...just no." I told him, putting my hands up defensively and slowly backing into the tunnel. I heard him calling after me as I raced through the tunnel, and heard the shiny guys running after me, but I paid them no mind. I just wanted to get out of there. Sleep in a real bed, get drunk, have a sweet roll, and maybe, just maybe kill my sister while I was at it. I frowned to myself. No, I couldn't kill her. Maybe I would just steal her Skooma stash.

Suddenly these creepy ass guys dressed up like porcupines jumped out and started attacking me. I heard the shiny guys holler something about protecting the emperor before I was knock to the side by the flat of one of the porcupines blades. I squeaked and put my foot out, tangling it around his and bringing him down with me as I crashed to the ground. The guy made a move to swipe at me again and I shrieked, acting on instinct and bringing my fist up and into his jaw. The porcupine swore as he was knocked backwards and I stomped on his wrist as hard as I could, hearing a satisfying crunch before he cried out in pain. Knowing that his sword arm was useless, I went to grab his sword, only to have it disappear. Fucking Mages. But Malisiya had taught me a fire spell before we parted ways a few months ago, when she was still with the Mages Guild. I smiled to myself as I let the flames engulf my hands before shooting it in a continuous blast at the man below me. Once satisfied that he was dead I moved on to the last remaining one who had apparently taken out one of the shiny guys. Can't say I was very sorry about that as I looted her body and took her sword. Shiny...

The rest of the shiny men, who by the way were not very sexy, as one would expect shiny men to be, decided that it would be a good idea to leave me stuck in that small little place with a dead body. So I was jumping around on the ledges, trying to find out where the porcupines in red robes had come from when I heard a strange sound. I dropped to the ground just in time for two rats to break out from this hidden cavern thingy in the wall and attack me. I smiled to myself. This was starting to look promising

After many rats, goblins, and at one point a zombie, I finally saw another hole in the wall with light pouring through it.

"Finally!" I grinned, jumping from the hole...

...And landing in front of the creepy pedophile and his shiny men who were engaged in yet another battle with the porcupines. Damn, it never ended did it? And where the hell were these porcupines coming from? Oh wait, let me guess, magic. Ugh.

"Friggen Frig!" I hollered, easily decapitating one of the porcupines with my...borrowed shiny blade while setting another one of them alight with my flames spell.

"Damn, it's that prisoner again! Kill her, she m-" Started the older Shiny guy. Geeze, these people were mean. I mean, I totally save their ass, fighting off these porcupines with my sheer awesomeness, but no, I'm a risk to their evident health.

"Come with us," The old man cut him off. The shiny men gaped at him. 'They cannot understand why I trust you. They've not seen what I've seen." I frowned and once again back up.

"Dude...what have you seen?" I questioned him, my voice barely a whisper. He opened his mouth to speak again, but I quickly cut him off. "Have you like...been peeking on me in my cell or something? Is that what you've seen? Cause no offence or anything but-" And with that ladies and gentlemen, I did what I do best; I turned tail and ran threw the doors. I heard the shiny men curse before following me.

I did everything that I could to avoid the crazy perverted old coot, but in the end, Baurus, the youngest of the shiny men, or Blades as I would later learn, left me alone in a room with him while he and Glenory, the other Blade, went out and killed some more porcupines, leaving me to baby sit the guy who was old enough to be my father.

"Guard him with you're life," He told me with a stern glare.

I scowled and twirled my sword around in my hand, only to be suddenly grabbed by the shoulders and whiped around to face the old guy. I winced.

"I can go no further. You alone must stand against the Prince of Destruction and his mortal servants. He must not have the Amulet of Kings!" He growled, shoving the red amulet he had been wearing underneath my shirt. I opened my mouth ready to scream when it hit me.

"Holy shit," I whispered "You're Uriel Septim. You're the Emperor." He smiled kindly at me, giving me a breif squeeze on the shoulder.

"Indeed. Take the Amulet. Give it to Jaufree. He alone knows where to find my last son." All I was abe to do was stand there and stare at him, my jaw hitting the floor. "Find him, and close shut the jaws of Oblivion."

And with that the wall opened up behind him, revealing another passageway, and another porcupine jumped out from it. His blade slicing through the Emperors age weakened skin like a hot knife through butter before I could even draw my weapon.

I would later come to know that Baurus had just taken down the last of what I now know as the Mythic Dawn when he heard my scream of rage and came running, only to find Emperor Uriels muderer laying in a bloody and charred pile on the floor, quite clearly dead with me still hacking away at him. There was no Emperor. The Dragon fires were not lit.

Baurus apparently asked me where the Amulet was, amonst other things. I couldn't remember awnsering him. Nor did I remember him giving me a key to escape to the Sewers, and from there to Weynon Priory where I would find Jaufree. No, I didn't remember any of that. But what I did remember was renting a room in the Merchants Inn and collapsing on the bed the moment I got in.

TBC

A/N: So...was it okay? Review please! It's the only way fanfiction Authors get paid!