A/N: The things Lucius is reduced to in order to get some information. slightly cracky.

Submission for:

Harry Potter Carnival Competition: I own over 400 books

Never Have I Ever Challenge: Lucius Malfoy - licked a piece of food/drink off the floor.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.


Lucius stood in the Lestrange's parlour, identifying the few subtle differences between it and his own as he waited. Their chandelier was not as ornate as his own, though it seemed to be inlaid with dazzling gems while his was simply sterling silver. He would have to make a replacement. He couldn't have the Lestranges upstage his own home.

"Welcome," his sister-in-law said, waving her arms in a showy gesture as she approached him, long strips of flowing fabric hanging off her wrist and connecting to the skirt of her dress. "To what do I owe the pleasure of having the Malfoy heir in my home?" she asked, her lips lined immaculately in deep red and stretched wide across her perfect white teeth.

"Drop the act, Bellatrix," Lucius said, taking his cane and pushing her arms down to her side. "I am in need of some information."

She pouted before the smile reappeared on her face. "I am always here to be of service, Lucius," she purred, leaning up on her toes towards his ear. He leaned away and she laughed, knowing that she had succeeded in making him uncomfortable.

She stepped aside and made her way towards the archway that led further into the house. "We can have tea in the lounge then and you can get the information you require," she said over her shoulder.

"Actually," he said, "I need a book from your library."

Now she paused and gave him a gloating look over her shoulder. "There is something in my library that yours does not have?" she asked.

Lucius gave a short nod, admitting the inadequacies that were his own belongings. But he had already made up his mind to come to the woman so he would not back down.

She laughed before she said, "Follow me," turning away from the archway and ascending the stairs to the second floor. He walked behind her in silence, only the sound of her heels on the runner that ran the length of the second-floor corridor meeting his ears until they came to two large doors. She waved her hands and the doors opened into a sizable room filled with tall, intimidating bookcases, about the same size as his own library.

"I own over four hundred books," she said. "With Rodolphus' contribution, we have a large collection dating back to the Fourth century."

"This is adequate," Lucius said shortly. He was bound to find the information in here.

He made to step into the room but Bellatrix placed her dainty hand on his chest. "Now I require something in exchange," she said.

"You have everything you could possibly need," he said. It was true, they both knew, and if she didn't, she could easily get it herself.

"Ah, but there is something however that I want," she said. "Your dignity." She reached into her flowing robes and held a bright blue confection before his face. "I do love these Sugar Quills, but now I feel like sharing." She then threw it at his feet. "Eat it."

Lucius frowned. This was what she wanted? To order him around? To see him bend before her?

He bent at the waist, reaching his hand to the floor but she grabbed his wrist and wagged her finger in his face. "No. Eat it off the floor."

"You must be joking," he said, standing upright and straightening his robes. "I refuse."

She turned back to the doors and they closed with another wave of her hand. "It was nice having you here, Lucius. You know how to let yourself out," she said, walking down the corridor away from him.

Lucius looked towards her retreating back and then the large doors, the information he so desperately sought possibly lying right behind them. He had come all this way. He couldn't leave empty-handed.

"I'll do it," he said, just loud enough for her to hear.

She turned back around and walked towards him. "Splendid," she said and then pointed to the treat.

Lucius got down onto his hands and knees, looking at the offending sweet treat in disgust. In the short time it had fallen, it had begun to melt and gotten a bit entangled in the carpet fibres.

"Proceed," Bellatrix prodded, getting a bit annoyed with his stalling.

Now or never. He took a deep breath and then placed his mouth over the sweet, tasting the sugar with his tongue as he tugged to free it from the red carpet. The small fibres felt strange inside his mouth as he chewed the sweet but he knew if he were to spit it out, Bellatrix would find something else more demeaning for him to do.

Once he swallowed, he stood up with a grimace, trying to regain as much of his composure as he could. A wild laugh sounded from the dark-haired woman and she clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't think you'd actually do it, Lucius," she said, her smile growing when he glared at her. Of course you did, you hag. She then waved her hand and the doors opened again. "The library is yours. Please don't make a mess."