"HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!" Horohoro burst into the room, clad in a Chinese robe and holding a tray of nian gao. (AN: Nian Gao are sticky rice cakes eaten on Chinese New Year. They're very yummy.)
Ren turned around and glared at him with his golden cat-like eyes. "What do you want, Ainu baka?"
Horohoro grinned like an idiot. "Don't be so cross just because you didn't spend some weird Chinese holiday with your mommy and sister and grandpa and dear old man." He thrust the tray at Ren. "You're going to celebrate with ME!"
Ren blinked. "And why would I want to do that?"
Horohoro pouted. "I made these just for you. Try one, puh-leeeaaase?"
Ren sighed and took a small piece of the nian gao and nibbled on it. He spat it out and threw the remainder at their creator.
"These taste like shit."
Undaunted, Horohoro continued, "This'll cheer you up!" He whipped out a several strings of firecrackers. The bluenette then proceeded to light a match.
"NO! You idiot! You're not supposed to light so many at once-"
BOOM.
"Oh, man." Horohoro said. "That made a nice bang. Didja like the pretty explosion?"
"No."
Horohoro smiled. "If so...then THIS is the thing for you!" He whipped out a dragon mask and popped it on. Singing a Chinese kid's song, he danced in frenzied circles around Ren."
"Yi, er, san! San si wu! Wou min pa san jua lao hu. Lao hu jua bu dao, wo min chur jua song su-"
WHACK.
Horohoro went flying as Ren slapped him across the room. "Your Chinese pronounciation is terrible."
(AN: Translated, this is the song- One two three! Three four five! Let's climb a mountain to catch the tiger. We can't catch the tiger, let's go catch squirrels...)
Horohoro seemed unfazed. He handed Ren a red envelope.
Ren opened it. "There's nothing in here."
"I know," Horohoro said cheerfully.
Ren scowled. "Idiot. You're supposed to put money in red envelopes before you give them out."
"Really?"
"Really, Kisama." Ren ripped the envelope in half and tossed it aside.
Horohoro decided to play his last card. "Hey, Ren. On Chinese New Year, aren't you supposed to take a bath? To wash away all the bad things of the previous year?"
"Yes," Ren replied glumly.
Horohoro's eyes lit up and he smiled gleefully. "Let's take a bath together! I'll wash your back!"
Ren's eyes widened in horror. "What did you just say-!?"
Before he could finish the sentence, Horohoro grabbed Ren's hand and dragged him into the bathroom. "Come on! It'll be fun. Where do you keep your towels?"
"Hey!" Ren protested. "I never said I-"
"You know you want to." Horohoro said cheerfully. He turned the tub faucet on and hot water slowly began to flow out. "Come, come, now. Don't be shy. Take those clothes off."
Ren began to back away from him. Before he could escape, Horohoro turned around, grabbed him, and pinned him to the floor
The Chinese shaman wriggled about wildly and flailed his arms around like a drowning panda. Horohoro smiled smugly in triumph. "Ha! I've got you now!" He reached over and tugged at the buttons that held Ren's shirt together.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, KISAMA!? I CAN WASH MY OWN BACK!!!"
There was a loud sickening crunch, and Horohoro went flying once again as Ren's foot made contact with his stomach.
And so the day ended with several Horo-shaped holes in the wall and many busted water pipes. Operation: Cheer Ren Up on Chinese New Year had been a dismal failure, but Horohoro vowed to get Ren in the tub before the end of the new Year of the Boar. ;)
THE END.
