Who else loved how Cat didn't say anything mean about Trina when the others did during Star Spangled Tori? This one-shot's a bit old, but I like it. And while I was originally unsure about the ending, that episode cinched it for me :)
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, or really, anything. Seriously.
You imagine you're floating on a cloud. If you don't move, you won't sink. You'll actually be happy for once. What can bring you down when you're above everything? But everything builds up, and your cloud collects water.
Drip, drip. It slowly fills UP as you sink down. You finally WAKE UP long enough to see how things really are.
You can't go back to your little fantasy world now, can you? Where everything's all right and people actually like you. You can't hide anymore. So you build a skintight armor, and lock it around you. Unwavering self-confidence is a good thing, right? You think.
But the few that still liked you before have disappeared, and now even your family doesn't hide their disappointment in you. You brush it off, but it HURTS.
You keep on livingthedream as you sing and dance and smile. You've given up on any other career because you're not good at anything. You barely got into HollyWood Arts, anyway.
You heard how you were almost kicked out by the new principal (who scares you because you're not as strong as Jade), but you ignore the painful feeling that comes with the words, because
stick and stones may /break/ your bones but words will never hurt you
(Yes, they will)
You want to believe that all of the rumors aren't true, but how can you when the truth hits you like a bullet?
You don't say anything though, because you're Trina Vega. You'll never be as good as
All of the others.
(And you know it)
After all, no one ever asks you to sing backup for them, or act in a play. You're the one who has to fightfightfight to get the roles. So what if you have to threaten your sister a little? In the end, when you're up there shining (almost like a real star) it's all worth it.
It's right before the wall hits you that you realize that you'll do ANYTHING to feel special again. There are no boundaries. No one can stop you ever again.
(But they don't know it…yet)
They figure it out after you graduate and move to the magical place called New York City where dreams come true.
No one could've convinced you to stay, not that they would've tried in the first place.
No one likes you!
You don't even have to bring her back! (From Yerba)
Promise me that when you graduate, you'll move far, far away.
And you do.
You realize right away that all of the hustle and bustle just isn't you, all of the shoving and pushing doesn't feel right, but you're already there and why not, right?
2 weeks later and all you're thinking is w-h-y as you exit the now empty alley, clutching your clothes to your chest and a new $20 bill.
(You can't be called innocent now)
The next holiday, (you think it's Thanksgiving, but you're not quite sure) you flyflyfly back to HOLLYWOOD as fast as you can. But your wings are shaky, and by the time you get there you're already tired of it all.
Because you know everyone's come here for Tori, not you. You just flutter at the edge of the crowd, not wanting to see Tori again. After all, she never tried to help you up when you fell after that Helen incident, right? The others had finally rubbed off on her. You thought you could impress her by 'not practicing' for the re-audition when really, you ran yourself ragged practicing for it after school. You never had a chance of earning her approval, and you don't need/want it now.
Do you?
The only reason you're so good at martial arts is that you channel all of your a.n.g.e.r into it, all of the pain and sadness and desperation.
You need to be good at something, because you're going to be famous and everyone is going to regret what they said about you. You'll be invincible.
You won't have to sell yourself out for money because you can't get a job. Shh!
You won't have to ask your parents for money, even though they say yes right away so that they'll spend less time interacting with you.
They've already had more than enough of you after 18 years.
But you try to forget about that, because you're HOME and it actually feels kind of good.
(Until you hear about how Andre got a recording contract, Beck and Tori are co-stars in a movie, and Jade sold one of her scripts.)
They're younger than you but have accomplished so much more.
You barely visit before you're off again, this time to another part of California, where the apartments are cheaper and you're more in demand.
Everyone's desperate for fame but you know you're the most desperate one you know.
You trytrytry to get somewhere in H.O.L.L.Y.W.O.O.D where dreams come true and it's always sunny. Because your dreams don't come true and it's raining fat, sad, drops, more often than not.
One day, you buy a lottery ticket. You don't win, but it gives you a little bit of hope that even you could win something someday.
No one ever believed in you.
But you buy one once a week, and after a long time (it feels longer than it probably is), you win something. It's 5,000 dollars, not that much, but it seems like a fortune to you.
Then you've spent it all and you're oh-so-desperate again.
You'll do anything, you say, sitting on a sidewalk, in front of a shop. It's Cat's Candy Confections, you realize one day, and wonder if it has anything to do with a certain bubbly red head you knew.
She started ignoring you after you two got the glue for Tori's mask.
You wonder what happened to have her abandon you, but you have tons of reasons she might've.
Too many reasons.
So you do what she used to do. Cat had said that it helped her let go of all of the hate and regret people could store within them.
And you empty your mind.
You let it all out, and keep it out. You feel yourself walking inside the shop, and for a moment, look at the cashier.
She has tired brownbrown eyes and dirty red hair. She seems older than you, a forgettable person.
It takes you a minute to look at her again and realize it's Cat.
She smiles faintly, with none of enthusiasm and delight she used to have, and you realize that you're not the only one that made a few wrong turns.
But as you smile at her, you realize that, for once, you've made a right.
"Remember me?"
And she's smiling, real big, and for a second, you think that maybe there's hope for you.
And as you look fondly at your old friend, jumping up and down and squealing, you know.
The only place you can go from here is up.
I know the end was a bit fluffy, but I didn't want it ALL to be kind of angsty and depressing. 'Nuff said. I wanted to post this before the final episode, gah, I hate typing that, like, really, I want to erase it... :'(
Please review and tell me what you think! For Trina! :)
