I bawled my eyes out at Kili's death, knowing it had to come but wishing it could have been different. There are so many amazing stories out there that alter that horribly sad ending so I never intended to publish this. But like a few of my forgotten one-shots, I figured it was time for them to see the light of day.
Warning: I never intended to publish this so forgive any mistakes or errors.
Tauriel loved Kili. It was not a fleeting wisp of emotion. It was a tearing ache that threatened to overwhelm her. She did not question how it could have happened, or even why it happened. It just was. She wished she had never met him. Their time was so short it was inconsequential in her long lifespan. It should have been inconsequential, but it meant everything. How could it mean everything? And yet, with his head in her lap, his eyes closed in final resting, it felt like the world had ended. She felt the tears falling, staining her face with streaks of red. The cold was threatening to settle deep in her bones, but she couldn't care less. She could only stroke the hair back from his face, wishing that the love she felt could die with him. She kissed his lips, but they could not kiss her back. She'd imagined briefly that they were warm under hers, that they pursed and kissed her back. She was lost to a dream that could never be.
But it felt so real, his lips chapped, the brush of his whiskered cheek rough against her soft skin. He tasted of wind and rain, of the ale dwarves drank deep in their caves. He tasted of freedom, the freedom to be herself when everyone had an expectation of her that she could never hope to meet. He tasted uniquely Kili. When his hand moved from the ground and twined in her hair, she could not question it. His mouth opened under hers. It was only when she felt his tongue slide against hers that she jerked back in confusion.
His eyes were open, sparkling with a familiar mischief. She scrambled away, all dignity lost as she tried to escape the ghost that wore Kili's face. He winced in pain as she dropped his head in her haste. It was only his groan that convinced her that at least some part of this was real.
"Have I joined you then?" Tauriel wondered with awe.
"Joined me where?" Kili sounded disgruntled and completely unaware that he was dead.
"In death," she stated obviously. But he looked so alive, his cheeks newly flushed with cold. She looked around, wondering why death would leave them trapped in the place they'd lost their lives.
"Death?" Kili seemed to finally realize, jumping to his feet and immediately falling to his knees with another groan of pain.
Tauriel was at his side in an instant, no matter if he was a ghost. He was hers, in life and death, forever. "Does it still pain you? How can it still hurt?" She wondered with concern. Was he cursed to feel his wounds for eternity? And what of her own death?
"It feels like I've been run through." he muttered. He lifted his chain mail and Tauriel gasped at the sight. His wound had healed into a knotted mass of scar tissue.
She blushed at the thin trail of hair leading down from his navel.
Kili glanced up in question, noticing her flushed cheeks and averted gaze. "Sorry," he apologized with mortification. "I don't know how I got this."
Tauriel was trying to figure it out herself. He was either alive with his wounds miraculously healed, or she was crazy. She discounted the idea that they were both dead. This did not feel like death. But that meant...
Kili suddenly gasped, thinking of the same thing as her. "Fili!"
He was running from her side as quickly as his legs would let him, Tauriel right behind him, determined not to let him out of her sight. Kili collided with Thranduil, being thrown back into Tauriel who was only a step behind him. She steadied him with hands on his shoulder, bowing her head in respect to the Elven King.
"I need to find my brother," Kili explained, impatient to leave.
"He is dead, his body unrecoverable." Thranduil stated with a somber expression. He did not mean to be unkind, Tauriel knew, but his words had Kili launching himself at Thranduil in sudden fury.
Tauriel grabbed him, restraining him with gentle hands and soft words of condolence. "I'm sorry, Kili."
Thranduil looked at them with an unfathomable expression. Tauriel believed that he was displeased with her uninhibited affection, but ignored the shame that threatened to surface. She would not let anyone take Kili from her again. So she focused on her dwarf as he turned in her arms and clung to her in desperate need of comfort. Sobs wracked his body, and Tauriel felt helpless against his grief. She held him close, stroking his hair, speaking words of comfort that would not soothe the aching emptiness he was feeling.
She felt guilty for taking comfort from this moment, but she could only be relieved that he was alive and that he had not shared his brother's fate. Finally Kili calmed, pulling himself away from her arms and wiping his eyes with angry motions. He refused to look at either of them, Thranduil watching with a wondering expression. Tauriel could not stand for the wall he seemed determined to erect between them. She had lost him, and when gaining him back she knew that she would never be able to withstand the depths of despair again when facing the loss of him.
She cupped his face in her hands, tilting his chin upwards until she was staring in his eyes. She must make him understand. They were bound now, by grief and love and a shared destiny. He was hers and she was his. His eyes flinched from hers and she stroked his cheek to gain his attention. His eyes were red with sorrow, the same streaked tear marks that had stained her cheeks now stained his. But to her, he was beautiful, his love for his brother profound. "Le melin." she whispered against his mouth, kissing him softly before joining their hands and facing the king.
Thranduil's eyes softened. "So you've decided."
"Yes." Tauriel spoke with conviction, her hand squeezing Kili's. "Where he goes, so do I."
"He is to be king under the mountain." Thranduil cautioned. "Thorin Oakenshield is gone."
"Thorin is dead?" Kili spoke with dawning horror.
Thranduil bowed his head in confirmation, showing respect for the new king, his peer.
Tauriel wasn't certain how they got through the burial of his uncle and ceremony presented in his brother's honor. She wasn't sure how it was decided that from that moment they were never out of each other's presence for very long. They shared a bed, though they did nothing but sleep clasped in each others' arms. The wedding would not be until the time of mourning had passed. Tauriel met his mother, a bearded woman that she initially mistook for a male. Dis was strong like her brother and steadfast in her grief for her fallen son. She clung to Kili for some moments when they were reunited. Tauriel was uncertain how her presence would be taken. But Dis tugged her into an embrace, thanking her for keeping her son safe. Tauriel had not the heart to tell her that she had failed in that duty once already.
She had explained Kili's death to him, uncertain how he would take the news that he'd been dead, that the scar on his torso was a death blow. But he'd been calm, stating with complete solemnity that it was her love that had brought him back. She'd cried in his arms that night, thankful for whatever being of wisdom that had brought him back.
Their wedding was in the sun, under the trees with many disgruntled dwarves in attendance. He looked beautiful in his finest clothing, waiting for her approach. She cried when they were finally joined together forever. No matter if he died, he would always be hers. She was not shy when she kissed him for all to see. Kili smiled at her, his joy etched into his beaming features. He was truly happy, and so was she. With Kili by her side she could withstand anything.
Thanks for reading!
"Le melin" translates to "I love you" hopefully
