Yes I know what you are all thinking. ANOTHER STORY? yeah sorry but when I get an idea in my head I can't help myself so I did this. One thing though just to be clear I get straight into the story. This may be a Naruto self-insert fic but it is not going to start iff with the first chapter being...i learnt to walk and talk.
So anway I hope you enjoy it and if not well...you're a poopy face.
To say that Hyuuga Hiashi didn't like me would be an understatement. To say he hated me would probably be an overstatement. I wasn't important enough for Hyuuga Hiashi to hate but I still gave him plenty of reason to.
The first reason Hiashi didn't like me was a simple one. I was a bastard and son of a whore. Literally. No one knows who my father was but the day a member of Konoha's red light district appeared at the Hyuuga compound with an all white eyed child made it quite clear. Someone in the clan had fathered me and they had done it with a civilian whore as well. Yeah that didn't go over too well with the Hyuuga's, many had clambered for my death but even in a ninja village that wouldn't have gone over too well so they made me a branch member complete with the Caged Bird Seal. Oh how they loved using that seal on me.
The second reason Hiashi didn't like me was a little different. One day Konoha was getting ready for peace talks with ambassadors from Kumo. Just before the ambassador arrived I, at four years of age, walked up to Hiashi and informed him that his daughter was going to be abducted by the Kumo-nin. Hiashi and the rest of the Hyuuga looked at me scornfully, punished me with vigorous use of the Caged Bird Seal and then sent me off on my way. The Hyuuga elders made sure to 'punish' me every time they saw me that week. Then Hinata was almost kidnapped. She was thankfully saved at the last second by her father. Hiashi hospitalized me trying to find out just how I knew what would happen. He may be a cold and cruel man but he does love his family. I think the only reason he was so angry at me was because if he had listened to me then Hinata would never have been in danger..that or it could be because I refuse to tell him how I came across that information.
The third reason Hiashi didn't like me wasn't as extreme as the last reason but was just as important. I did not act like a Hyuuga. That was it plain and simple. Hyuuga were cultured, refined, sophisticated or as I liked to call them arrogant, stuck up pricks. I on the other hand was not any of those things, I loved to run and play, I loved to spend my time climbing trees, experimenting in the kitchen with terrible results, I loved to laze around and I never showed anyone any ounce of the respect they felt that they deserved. In the ever seeing eyes of Hiashi I was a Hyuuga in blood only and he wasn't even sure about that.
That's another thing I wasn't a Hyuuga in name. No those clan elders would not allow it instead they gave me a nice fancy name Osen Sa Reta Ketsueki, beautiful name right? Well I'm sure it was a complete coincidence that it meant Tainted Blood, I have no idea why they would call me that. Nope no idea.
Well yeah Hiashi didn't like me too much so you can understand why he reacted the way he did when I told him I knew exactly why the Uchiha were massacred...for a price. He turned around and activated my Caged Bird Seal briefly. The pain was excruciating as always but I had suffered through it often enough to choke out two words "remember...Kumo..."
The pain cut off instantly "speak," he ordered with a slight growl.
I ignored his order and activated my Byakugan briefly. There were several Hyuuga in the room with us, several just outside the room and if any Hyuuga had their Byakugan activated while in the clan compound they may be able to read my lips. I shook my head "no. You'll want to be the ONLY one who knows this. I'll tell you in private."
His cold look turned into a slight glare but he gave a curt nod and turned around, walking to his office. I followed right behind him. Several members of the branch house looked away as we went past, the elders dislike of me was known throughout the whole clan and they didn't want to get caught up in my inevitable punishment.
Once inside Hiashi's office the door was shut, locked and I watched as thousands of seals covered the walls. They were an interesting idea, theoretically nothing should be able to block the Byakugan but these seals instead glowed with a light only a Byakugan could see, it was light so bright that our famous doujutsu was essentially blinded by it.
"Speak," Hiashi ordered again now that we were alone.
I ignored him and his cold voice. I instead casually walked through the room to his whiskey cabinet, at ten years of age I was too young to drink but I figured he would need some for what I was about to say. I grabbed a random bottle and held it out to him. "Take a drink and then we can make our deal," I told him coolly.
The pain from my seal once again flared up and I fell to my knees, dropping the bottle to the ground as I did so. "You will tell me what you know now," he ordered, deactivating my seal. The 'or else' in his voice was clear.
I was tempted to just give in right then and there, anything to make the pain go away, but I was stubborn to a fault. "Nothing...is free," I grit out.
"Very well. What is it that you want for this information?" he asked coldly deactivating the seal, I swear he must have been a hyoton user.
Slowly I pulled myself back to my feet and gave a weak. "As you know I am not wanted here. You main house despise me and the branch house tries to avoid me. I was even given the name 'Tainted Blood' to show how all of you think of me. All I want is an apartment to live in, a weakly stipend of twenty thousand ryo and I want to be enrolled into the Academy."
"You ask for a lot," Hiashi points out. "How do I know that your information is worth it or if it is even reliable."
I shrug "I have asked for that which can be easily taken away at a moments notice if need be. However if you take it away without good cause then any future information I have will not be given to you to use but to someone else."
"I assume you will expect payment for this future information," he stated.
"Nope," I grin "there will be nothing else I will ask of you except for you and the Hyuuga to let me live my life."
He nodded "reasonable... that is assuming this information you hold is worth it."
I casually leaned back against the wall and regarded Hiashi for a minute before speaking. "Tell me what do you know of Shimura Danzo?" I asked casually.
For a second I thought I saw a brief flicker of fear in Hiashi's eyes, I must have imagined it. "Plenty enough," was his curt response "but what I'm curious about is what you know of him."
"Shimura Danzo grew up with our current Hokage and has always seen the old man as his rival. He was passed over for the old man's seat as people thought that Danzo was too harsh. He is the current leader of ROOT which the Hokage should be having disbanded right around now. ROOT will still be functioning though just give it a few months. Danzo has also ordered Uchiha Itachi to murder his family in cold blood or he, Danzo, would have Uchiha Sasuke murdered." I must admit I enjoyed the shocked look on Hiashi's face.
"How...how did you come across this information?" Hiashi asked eventually.
"Oh you know here and there," I smirked "so tell me do you think the information's worth the price?"
…
I got my apartment, my money and my application to the Academy but that was only the start of my plan. You see I had an interesting plan, I was reincarnated into Naruto and I would take advantage of that. I had read several of the popular self-insert fanfiction stories in my first life and they all followed a pattern. In some way or another the main character tried to stay off the radar. Sure they would be known as a genius and become overly capable ninja but they never went seeking attention. I would seek that attention but I would also do my best to gain from it. That's why I found myself at the Hokage's tower a few days after my meeting with Hiashi.
"Excuse me," I said quietly to the receptionist manning the front desk. "This weird guy came up to me and told me something about going to some roots and how I would like it there. You don't know what he meant by that do you?"
The receptionist told me to take a seat while he would go and look into that for me. Five minutes later an ANBU escorted me into the Hokage's office, sat me down on a chair and stood slightly behind me. The Hokage was also staring at me intently.
"Guess he didn't buy my story?" I asked trying not to piss myself, Hiashi had nothing on the old man.
"You are a terrible liar. You also neglected to come up for a suitable reason why you would come here of all places to find out your answer," the old man pointed out.
I shrugged "can't blame me for trying can ya?"
Killing intent washed over the room and I'm man enough to admit I vomited all over the Hokage's office floor. "Why exactly are you here?" the old man asked as I finished retching.
"I just wish to talk about Naruto," I managed to cough out.
"You know what he is?" the old man asked his eyes searching me for any deceit.
"I even know who he is," I replied.
The old man's eyes search me and, after seeing no trace of deceit, barked out a command "clear the room." Every door, window and vent was closed off instantly. I know if I activated my Byakugan then I would see that all of the hidden ANBU had disappeared. "Now," the old man said leaning forward and staring at me with hard eyes "just what is it you seek to gain from this?"
Thankfully for me he cuts off the killing intent and I can think easier. "I seek scrolls on Chakra Control, Elemental Manipulation of the five elements, Bo-jutsu and a specially made Bo staff that can conduct chakra and has a certain design of my choosing. I also wish for all of the scrolls to be up to Chunin in rank, starting from the basics of course," I finish with some of my old confidence back.
"You wish to blackmail me with a SS ranked secret for so little?" the old man asked warily. "Why?"
I grinned "no no no i'm not blackmailing you in the slightest. I have no wish to tell anyone that Uzumaki Naruto should be known as Namikaze Naruto. No that was just to get your attention," my grin turned slightly feral. "So tell me old man has it worked?"
"Most people don't try and gain my attention in such a negative way," he pointed out. "However you have it."
"And it is for that particular reason that I ask for so little," I claimed boldly.
"Explain," he ordered curtly. I think I annoyed him.
"Your eyes are on me now. Your ANBU will be watching me carefully," I tell him. "I also have a few...ideas I wish to try out personally. Nothing illegal mind you just different for someone my age. If I ever get them to work then lots more people will have their eyes on me. Such as Danzo for instance."
Realization dawned in the old man's eyes "you wish to draw attention to yourself as a means to protect yourself," he muttered.
"Yeah pretty much but wait there's more!" I declared theatrically. "From this conversation you already know that I am aware of ROOT, Danzo and Naruto's parentage and Jinchuriki status. I'm sure though that you are wondering just what else do I know?"
"And what else do you know?" the old man asked with slight amusement in his voice. I guess i'm warming up to him.
I gave a smirk "well not to sound too cliché or anything but I know the future. I won't tell you any of it now, only when the important things are relevant. Don't want to mess with the timeline too much do I?"
The amusement left the old man's face as he searched me over. "You really mean it don't you," he stated more than asked. "You really think you know the future."
I frowned at that. That was not part of the plan he was supposed to believe me. Well looks like I'll just have to convince him. "I know more than think I know the future old man I really do I know it. I also know the past and the present. For instance I know that Tsunade used to be flat as a board and uses a special Genjutsu of her own creation to hide her old appearance. I know that Anko Mitarashi was not only the Snake-pedo's apprentice but was cursed with his seal. I know that Jiraiya is Naruto's godfather. I know that the Rasengan is considered an incomplete jutsu. Should I continue?"
"Anyone could have found that information out if they tried hard enough and knew where to search," the old man pointed out. "However I believe you. I assume the scrolls and special bo staff you asked for is payment for you telling me the future?"
I nodded "yeah but I want to make one thing clear the future I know is one where none of this ever happened. Only the major events will probably be the same and even then there may be minor changes."
The old man nodded in understanding. "Very well I guess that is the price one must pay for such knowledge isn't it? I will have an ANBU gather all the scrolls you requested. If you give him the design you want for your bo staff it should be made within a few days."
"Thanks old man," I grinned.
"It was my pleasure Ketsueki," the old man smiled. Fuck didn't know he knew my name. Well I guess it wouldn't be too hard for him to find out. "So is there anything you can tell me about the future now?"
I think about it for several seconds before coming up with a reply I know will please the old man. "The next Mizukage has a great pair of tits." I can't help but find some amusement in the small nosebleed he gets at that thought.
