Temptations

Note and Disclaimer: Yep, still don't own the characters to M*A*S*H, even if I am excited about coming back more often (and much as we all would like to own). In the meantime, I would also like to thank all at this forum for writing all the stories about Father Mulcahy. All had been an inspiration to the one I am writing below…and some of it, a little mischief I knew would be cooked up and had been in an episode of M*A*S*H at least once. Enjoy!


There always comes a time in a man's life when the things denied to him come alive in his imaginations, even as others swirl around him in laughter and games. Perhaps it was that first warm day in 1951, when the sun shone so brightly and everything was ecstatic about leaving the darkness we had seen in every which way. Maybe too it was because I was so wound up in my own troubles that I did not seem to remember what God had called me to do in this forsaken land and what my duties to him were supposed to be. That too bothered me more than the hellish experiences we've had thus far.

I could not tell what it was that day. After all, week after week in the cold weather, I had ministered, lectured and even patrolled this place they call hell, one that was surely testing my strength as a Man of God and as a man himself. Indeed, when that warm day came, there were no orphans, paperwork, food or extra rations in sight (not even trusty Radar to do some bidding for someone), something that plagued me often during the cold, dreary days in Korea. I was a free man that day, I saw…or, as free as God willed me that day. I could not tell which was which, to be honest.

On my mind though, as I sat quietly outside of my tent as the camp life buzzed eagerly with anticipation, was Captain Tuttle, my savior of these past few months. Alone, he (whoever he was) had brought so much joy to the orphans that even their lives had eased a little by their donations of money, food and supplies. War seemed far away, even when we had to move the children away, from one place to the other (and sometimes, back to the camp with me). They were normal children again, able to run freely and to be as children should be, without the threat of death – innocent of the ways of the real world.

I shook my head of such morbid thoughts as the sun broke through my shaded hat, winking at me and my silver cross, as if to tell me to push it all away for the day. Indeed, I was becoming tired and slowly sleepy, ignoring the wildlife that I called a camp. I mean, nurses were tanning not so innocently on the compound as ambulances drove around them. Wounded personnel were wheeled outside to enjoy the good weather by orderlies bored with indoor life. Doctors ran with their dates outside with their picnic stuffs. And then, there was Klinger, fighting with Nurse Baker in the compound about the tanning lotion and how it was sent from Toledo just for him, to be used when he needed some sun.

My eyes were starting to become heavier. The noise levels ceased to exist. I was finally receiving the rest that I so deserved. God had given it to me surely or was telling me to obey the urge to get some sleep…

Suddenly, I was awake. I could not tell if I was in a dream or not, but when I realized that I was nowhere but in Korea at the 4077th, I gazed around the camp in dismay and alarm. There seemed to be nobody in sight, as if all had disappeared, and I was alone…or, there was somebody there, at least. Instead, all I could see was a woman coming out of a parked jeep near Post-Op in nothing but a towel. Her drying hair, wrapped in another towel, was slowly coming out of its twist, rinsing in the sunshine as bright, brown hair bounced in my eyesight and made my heart swell with love.

Oh! What a dream come true!

I could not tell what these feelings were, but it was not the love I was taught existed. Surely, it was what God had denied to me when I became a priest. But oh, I would have to say that that nurse was something…

"Pierce! McIntyre!"

A yell startled me from this reverie. I shook my head once more, back to where reality was, and felt shame written all over my face. And there, amidst the crowds forming around the camp, was Hawkeye and Trapper. Although their dates had helped to form the circle around them (and were snickering cheerfully), it was clear from my angle that the two were not in Army regulation uniforms. Indeed, the two were as naked as the day they were born. And naturally, the first to have seen them without snickering – the same man who woke me from that dream of temptations that perhaps the Devil sent – was none other than Major Burns himself. Major Houlihan was not going to be far behind.

"Want to see something more, Frank?" Hawkeye had yelled back, something that was quickly making me blush and turn away. "I got more –"

"Enough, Pierce!"Major Burns managed to say without stuttering. "You and McIntyre are out of uniform! This will be put on report!"

"Oh, this?" Trapper asked as I turned to my tent, unwilling to see and hear more. My imagination was running too wild, even for me.

"Yes –" Major Houlihan started too as she surely covered her eyes, but I was confident that she had arrived there just then. No matter, I would not heed them any longer.

I entered my cool tent, now eager to stay away from the sunshine and what it had offered me as I slept alone. That dream, for I knew it was one, bothered me more than two naked men on the campgrounds, who were always up to no good (and were parading the same way in the Mess Tent not even a week ago). That same woman had come to me like I had lusted after her, like her body was something I would want, and I had fallen for the masterpiece she had created. No matter, I thought it to be nothing more than a fantasy.

However, what if it was something I truly wanted? My sister Kathy did say in her last letter that she longed not for the veil anymore, as she was called to initially, but for marriage and children with a man. She felt being called to that vocation, to continue our family line, while I, her brother, stayed within celibacy and the safety net of our church. And it might have made me feel more alone than I thought, much more so that the Devil sent me a message, tempting me to come along for the ride.

Oh, my!

I sat at my desk with shaking hands, now thumbing through the New Testament to find the passage I needed to read, something to meditate upon. Ah, I had found it quickly. Jesus had been in the desert for forty days meditating and was given the same false glories by the Devil. Then again, Jesus, although in the guise of a man, was the Son of God, and would not be pushed around just as I probably was moments before.

Then again, I am a man too, just like Jesus was. And men always have those thoughts…don't they? It was against my will now, but I would have to ponder upon the grievous sin I almost committed, man as I am.

For even temptations come to a pious priest at times, you know, even at the most opportune times for those willing to give them.