Finding Grace, by DrGemini86 (DrGemini24)

Summary: What else did the hallucinations tell Sam? Missing scenes for Grace. SamJack, SamDaniel

Pairing: SamJack (not exactly for SamJack fans), SamDaniel

Rating: T

Category: UST/Pre-Ship

Genres: Angst, A/U, Drama, Episode-Related, Relationship-focussed, Thoughts

Spoilers: Seasons 1-7

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"Are you happy, Sam?"

A concussed Sam, who had been trying to find out what had happened to the crew of the Prometheus as well as preventing the ship from being corroded by the gases that surrounded the ship, sat alone at the Mess table, the hallucination of Jacob Carter having disappeared after telling her that she was content and not happy with her current situation. She groaned as she slowly rubbed her face, the beginnings of tears springing to her eyes as she thought of what her father had told her about her mother.

Even in her concussed state, her head feeling as though it didn't belong to her any more, she couldn't help but question the meaning of her father's words. He wasn't even her father. He was a product of her subconscious mind. So why had it affected her so much?

Because it was the truth... well, she wasn't sure of the parts about her mother, about whether Jacob Carter really did love her mother or whether she just wanted to believe that after everything that had happened. But the rest. His words, his appearance... they had all been from her mind, and as she mulled over the words, she knew what he... or rather, she had meant.

She was alone.

And not just alone aboard the Prometheus.

"I know you have denied yourself the experience because you think that it must inevitably end in pain, and loneliness..."

Well, her previous relationships hadn't helped. Jonas had been a control freak, and had then developed a God complex during her first year on SG-1. Narim... well, she liked him, but then after hosting Jolinar for the brief time that she had and subsequently sharing the Tok'ra's memories, she became confused about whether her feelings in general were actually her own. With Martouf... and Lantash, she loved them dearly, both from Jolinar's feelings and memories, and when she had got to know them herself, but there was still the confusion and the fact that there wasn't really anything there except for the ghost of a dead woman.

As for Jack... there was something there, she knew, or there could have been, had either been willing to make the necessary sacrifices. Maybe she was the one who needed to make the sacrifice. Maybe for once she needed to make that leap... because Jack sure as hell wasn't going to do it. But all that for some sort of an attraction that she wasn't sure was even visible in the light of day?

"For as long as she was alive, your mother showed me a world beyond just ambition and career."

'A world beyond just ambition and career'. Those words resonated in her head and she closed her eyes as her hands dropped to the table top with a thud. Her career meant the world to her, just like Daniel's career meant the world to him, the Major sharing a passion for knowledge with her team-mate. She had worked hard to get where she was today. She had a PhD in Theoretical Astrophysics, numerous Masters; she was a highly decorated Major in the Air Force; she had one of the best shooting aims at the SGC; she had seen and done so many things that other people could only dream of... and she was a member of the best and most supportive team that she could have ever wanted to be a member of.

But she had never once considered whether there could be more to life than that. That was all she had known. Her father had chosen his career over his family, and while that had hurt her and her brother deeply, he had still made the rank of General. She could do all of that and more, and without a family to hurt or to neglect. Through all of her hard work, she had given herself numerous avenues to go down, other paths to follow should one career path not work out. But through It all, she remained alone. There hadn't been time to consider settling down... and the last time she had considered that, with Jonas, how that relationship had turned out had permanently scarred her, and skewed her views of love in general.

"It's time to let go of the things that prevent you from finding happiness. You deserve to love someone, and be loved in return."

Her father... or rather her mind's version of him, had solved the problem. To let go of the things that were preventing her from finding happiness. To give up her career? To give up everything that she had worked hard for, for so many years?

Still trembling from the shock of his... or her words, and the implications, she rested her chin on her clasped hands as she looked up at the ceiling, her eyes brightened with tears. That went against everything that she had stood for, her principles. She had always thought that when it came to settling down, the person whom she planned on spending her life with wouldn't make her give up everything for him.