Disclaimer: I don't own the show... Author note at bottom if you want more info on story... please forgive spelling . I don't have a beta


Teasing names floated in the air and Maura held back the tears. Even if it was years ago it still held her soul and heart back from loving freely. Memories of play grounds and words spoken in different languages, most being French, but bits of Spanish tortured her mind. She knew what they all meant, but she didn't want to remember the names they had called her.

Taking a swig from her bottle of vodka she coughed at the burn. She never really had a liking for hard liquor but it chased the pain away. Logically she knew that it wasn't health, but emotionally she craved for a release that was easy to hide. With a sway as she got off the sofa she slumped against her wall before falling to the floor. The bottle spilt and with not wanting to pick it up she made her way to her bed.

She had only been in Boston for a few days and she already cursed moving here. The water reminded her of the place she once called hell and the people avoided her. She never was a people person so she was glad she wouldn't have to explain herself to anyone. By day she played the part that she learned as a child. The rich girl that was all about fashion and never gave into what she didn't believe in. But by night she was the broken woman that had been the butt end of too many years of abuse.

Falling onto the 200 thread count sheets the blond woman sighed a sob. Drinking was supposed to suppress the memories, not make her think about them more. Taking a moment to relax, she finally contacted the logical part of her brain. She knew that she would have to clean up in the morning, but she wasn't in the emotional standing to deal with the mess she had made. She pulled her dress off, leaving her in her lacey underwear. Looking down at her stomach the old scars stood out on her pale skin lightly and she turned her head, ashamed that she had sunk that low once in her life.

'"Maura. Baby come here I want to show you something!" her girlfriend of two years called her to the dorm room.

Walking into the room the door slammed and she turned around to see one of the boys from the brother school was standing by the door. With a scared glance at her girlfriend was enough for the boy to make his move. After a struggle she just laid there and listened to the laughing of the boy and her girlfriend that she had trusted.

"Are you turned yet dyke?" the boy whispered as she felt a tear run down her face.

She had nodded, but the only thing she had turned from was from a shy gay girl to a girl that would never believe in love again. With a smirk the boy left and she felt the pressure of her girlfriend sitting on her hips. Looking up at the blond that had set her up for this she was scared. What was she going to do next? How could she have just watched?

"Hey. Maybe I can join in the fun next time… what you say babe? I love you." she winked before leaving Maura on the door floor in a broken mess.'

Shaking the memory away she curled her fingers into the palm of her hand. She had stayed at school 'til she was free and since then she had never been in a relationship. Truthfully she believed that love was just a myth and that anyone that said they were in it was a complete idiot. How could someone say they loved her and let that happen, watching and laughing along like it was a joke. That night wasn't a joke.

'"Maura you are so boring!" her classmates complained.

Her girlfriend, Lindsey, smirked and sat behind Maura. Licking her ear the other girls went silent and watched as their slumber party turned into something different. She wasn't turned on at all by any of the things Lindsey was doing to her and it seemed to piss the older girl off. With a harsh bit she made Maura cry out and everyone in the room go wide eyed.

"How about we show them that you aren't boring? What do you say baby?" he voice thick with lust.

Before she could answer she was pinned below the older girl and hand was in her hair. Looking up at her she knew that if she complained she would be dead. It wouldn't had been the first time that her 'girlfriend' had told her that it was going to go her way, weather she liked it or not. Looking away she just let it happen again knowing that her life would be a living hell if she rejected this. The other girls in the room just watched as the scene took place. None helping or even taking the time to consider that this wasn't something that was wanted by both parties.

When they finished Lindsey whispered in her ear, "Fuck baby. I love you."'

Tears ran down Maura's face and refused to remember anymore. She had to live through it once and it wasn't fair that she was force to relive that part of her life over and over again. The moonlight lit her bedroom and the bed that she had slept in since she had left boarding school. Her parents well adopted parents found it odd that she demanded that the bed be moved. It was the only bed, besides her childhood bed that hadn't been tainted by anyone. She had got it as soon as she was free and she wouldn't let anyone sleep in it. She had even made her own mother sleep on the sofa because she wouldn't have anyone in her bed.

Convincing herself that it was better that she was to sleep, because she had work the next morning she slid into bed. Pulling the blankets around her and shaking from the alcohol she calmed her breathing. There were nights when the alcohol didn't do its job and she stayed up all night, but tonight he felt like the liquor was going to do its job. Gripping the blanket tightly she wished that she had done something or told someone. No one knew about her life at boarding school… no one had cared. She had almost tried suicide once, but chickened out before she could jump. She knew that it would take a long time to get over this, but she couldn't help but think…

"Je suis mieux mort." Before falling asleep.


Author's Note: Ok before everyone starts the yelling. The story line is very sad... it was what came to mind... the idea came from the song 'Someone Who Cares' by Three Days Grace. Yes the topics are serious and NO ONE has to tell me that. Many people liked my story 'whenever you need me' and I figured another rizzles was in order. No this has nothing to do with that one so you are safe :) . It will be slow in the start and just bare with me... i'm not sure, but i think it will get better xD trailer is up on youtube .com/watch?v=ZTJvE0mqr9M&feature=