Another older ElfQuest fic of mine.
Warnings, lots of them, so you can't say I didn't warn you:
- This is slash, the male-male pairing of two characters who would never share the furs in the canon story
- Those two happen to be Rayek and Skywise.
…Yes, I know, a crazy and slightly perverse idea, I took it only as a challenge to see if it could actually be written, and be made into a story worth reading. I don't know yet if I succeeded – you tell me!
- This story is rated PG-13 and contains sexuality, not graphic though,
-Contains spoilers for 'Shards' and everything before it.
-An apology to Skywise fans – I tried to keep him in character, but I may have failed. He makes some bad mistakes here. One reason is Timmain doesn't get a change to tell him anything. The rest is my bad writing.
-An apology to Rayek fans, and a big one – he is not himself at all. I blame the dreamberries… If he was himself none of this would ever happen.
Notes:
I'm afraid I had only a hazy logic in deciding which of Skywise's thoughts I would narrate, and which I would quote in italics. I had to quote the canon ones in the beginning and the end, also I thought it would help sorting out who is meant by 'he' – the pronouns are one big difficulty I have both reading and writing gay stories in English.
I don't remember having ever written a fic that is almost all someone's thoughts. And to think I thought this would be a funny story…
So, three Worldpool changes – Timmain interrupted before she comforts Skywise, Tyleet gone to someone else for help, and most importantly - Rayek drunk, and worse…
(and btw, 'Two-Spear's shaft!' is a canon wolfrider curse used by Skywise in 'The Cry from Beyond' when the Palace appears in Forbidden Grove Holt. It always had a naughty flavour to me…)
Thank the High Ones This is Worldpool! Or, Common Ground
"As a favor to me…" Skywise thought of his brother's words, his hand resting on Timmain's back, her jaw resting on his knee as he sat watching his reflection in the stream. His young reflection, no face-fur on his cheeks. He felt betrayed, abandoned, cast away like something no longer needed.
Cutter really said that, didn't he, Timmain? He wasn't sending to her, neither elf-sending or wolf-sending, but he liked to address his thoughts to her. Hadn't he prayed to the High Ones before meeting one? Why quit a life-long habit, especially when he did feel she was listening.
"You must go with Ember – as a favor to me." He sighed heavily. No matter how we've tried… it hasn't been the same since the tribe reunited. He used to need me. I was the elder brother. Now he is – by far! It's not his fault he can't see me as much more than a cub – but it's a cursed shame!Skywise thought of the good times they had shared, back on the first quest, and of the joy of being united with him again. Little had he guessed then that in a way they would remain apart, the time an abyss between them, a distance not even the Palace could cross. It would be easier to make the stream run uphill than to change the past.
We were meant to grow up together! In the before-time it didn't matter that I was born first. His head was always older than mine, anyway. I hoped his face-fur and many seasons without me wouldn't matter now, but…
It may be Timmain would have actually answered his thoughts, if they hadn't been interrupted by a sending.
**It's not my place to judge him, but -**
Rayek! The last person he wanted to see. The one who was to blame for all their troubles. And he had surprised him – without his wolf-senses Skywise hadn't heard the dark-skinned hunter's steps, hadn't scented him. Skywise stood up.
**Then don't! Leave me alone!**
Rayek didn't obey, not that Skywise had expected him to, but neither did he snarl back at him. He smiled, and as he spoke Skywise smelled dreamberries in his breath and saw his eyes were a bit unfocused, although not without their usual power. Even when Rayek wasn't using his magic it was hard to look him in to the eyes, and Skywise regretted he had done so. For some reason he couldn't take his eyes off him now – Rayek's will was holding him, because he wanted him to listen.
"Don't you see? I understand your pain. I too have had my love rejected. I too have felt useless."
"So you're going to give me advice on what to do? You tried to make my brother worse than dead!"
"No, I didn't. I was going to, but I saw my error in time. I chose not to try it. And it wasn't my pain that made me think of it in the first place, that made me hurt you and him – not my pain, but that of the Firstcomers."
Rayek pointed at Timmain, who was standing beside him, gazing calmly at the intruder. Skywise was puzzled. This was a strange Rayek, a side of him he had never seen. Why wasn't he answering hate with hate? Why was he opening his heart to him, almost humbly, and asking for understanding? Then he realized.
"It's the dreamberries, isn't it? You're not yourself. Come to think of it – have you ever tasted them before?"
Skywise was curious now. The dreamberries had many kinds of effects. Sometimes they made you easily angered, like Bearclaw. Sometimes they made you horny, like him. Sometimes they took you beyond the Now, like Pike, the Howlkeeper. Sometimes they made you silent and brooding, more often they made you merry and laughing, and sometimes – sometimes they did what they were doing to Rayek. They opened him up, made him talk more, seek understanding. The effect depended of the person, but of the time as well, and the reason the berries were eaten.
"No." Rayek answered him. The softness of his voice, the calmness, was so alien Skywise had to stifle a laugh.
"Why now of all times?"
"Pike's idea. A bet – and besides, he said I wouldn't dare to try them. He says they will make me forget Winnowill. Take love where I can have it, that's what he said I should do."
"Are they working?"
"Yes. I'm still thinking about Winnowill, but I'm thinking about other things too."
Skywise knew the look in his eyes. It was one he had seen on his reflection when he thought about the maidens.
"So Pike won his bet, and the berries have made you stupid in the bargain! Why are you talking to me? Go find some girl. I recommend ShenShen, or Krim – neither would say no to a romp, and there's no way any wolfrider would have you!"
Maybe that's what he has come to me for, Skywise thought – advice on something he certainly was an expert at. That was very uncharacteristic of Rayek, too – asking for advice. But no, the look that crossed his features was one of open dissappointment. Rayek took a pouch of dreamberries from his pocked and ate several, then answered:
"I asked ShenShen. She hates me as always and was glad to be the one to deny me."
He paused, and Skywise wondered at the story between those words. Had Rayek denied ShenShen once, long ago? The rogue went on:
"I tried to find Krim, but she's saying her farewells to Pike in the Go-Back way. So is Skot."
Skot? Why mention him?Rayek is being really talkative, gossiping like that…
"I even asked Aroree…"
So that is what he was getting at!
"There's no need to apologize or ask my permission or explain or anything - unless you said something cruel to her."
"No, and that's not it, I know you both share. She just wasn't in the mood. And Mender is with Ember…"
**You stay away from Ember!** Skywise's automatic reaction was rage, and he raised a fist, defending the barely-grown cub who was like a daughter to him, who would be his chief soon…**It was Mender I wanted!**
Skywise stared at him, amazed.
"Why? Can healers do magic to make an elf to want joining less, like they can make him want it more?"
"Of course, but that wasn't what I wanted… so you've heard the Sun Village gossip about Leetah?"
This was too perfect an opportunity to let by, and Skywise was really growing irritated with Rayek and all his weird talking. "Not what I wanted?" So does he fancy males, then? Rayek of all people?He preferred him his usual self – at least he was silent, and didn't involve himself in the tribe's life. So he sent to him:
**Heard about her skills? Felt them, Rayek, I've felt them myself.**
Rayek turned away from him at last, agony on his face, and is that a tear in his eye? Have I gone too far? He'll kill me when he's sober…
**Have I deserved this pain, on top of all my other pains? And to think I came to you hoping…**
He cut off his sending, realizing perhaps that to admit it would only humiliate him even further. But it was too late. Skywise had sensed it in his sending.
"By Two-Spear's shaft…" he muttered.
Rayek had hoped to join with him.
Dreamberries can change a lot, but they don't create feelings that don't already exist. They may give the courage to speak of such feelings, to act on them. Rayek must have felt some small affection for him already.
Skywise remebered now that there had been some understanding between them once. The had both loved the Palace, they had shared visions, they had looked for a friend in each other. Then Rayek had made his biggest mistake ever – but if Cutter had forgiven him, Skywise could, too.
Besides, Rayek was handsome…
Let it not be said he would say no to a joining…
He reached out, put his hand on Rayek's shoulder.
**I'm sorry. I had no right to say what I just said.**
He took the dreamberries from his unresisting hand, noticing how much there was of them. Pike sure has done his best to win the bet, maybe guessing Rayek wouldn't know how much is too much. For someone so simple, Pike can be very clever sometimes.
And for someone so clever, Skywise was very stupid sometimes…
He ate a small fistful of the intoxicating berries, then placed one single berry in Rayek's surprised mouth.
Even if no-one will ever know of this – and I couldn't tell Cutter, certainly not - it is the conquest of all conquests, and the victory is mine already.
Tam had told him to go. It had been a long time since they had shared furs. He wasn't betraying him, he would keep it secret just to save him the pain, like he should have saved Rayek the pain of knowing he'd joined with Leetah – not because it was wrong, or so he thought, but because some things are better not said.
It wasn't that he lacked company, but there was some instictive understanding between two males, wasn't there… Cutter wasn't the only male he'd been with, so he knew it wasn't their special soul-connection that caused it. It had happened even with Ahnsen, to some degree – and the Sun Village weaver couldn't send…
**Come to me, tall one. Have your way with me.**
The look in Rayek's eyes – moments like that were what Skywise lived for. Pleasure-giver, Aroree had named him.
They embraced. Timmain watched them, growled, and was ignored. Rayek seemed to be leading Skywise when they walked away, being the taller, holding his arm around his shoulders, Skywise's arm around his waist. But the stargazer was the one who showed him the way to a secret grove, a place he hadn't shown anyone yet, having just found it.
They undressed themselves, touching again only when no clothes came between them. Their minds touched in sending, in hasty agreement.
Maybe the pace is his, maybe the position is his choice, he thought when they joined, but in mastering his pleasure, giving him more than he dared hope for – I have mastered him.But before either of them could find release from their desire, they were interrupted.
**Fahr!**
Cutter's sending was full of pain and rage. Second time that night Skywise's lack of wolf-senses caused him to be caught by surprise, and both times by the person he least wanted to meet just then.
Tam stood there, mad as a wounded bear in the middle of the white cold season, no, worse, mad as Bearclaw at his worst.
He wasn't wearing his fur vest for some reason. The sweat of rage glistened on his bare upper body. His face was distorted in a snarl, and only his tears betrayed the pain he felt.
Skywise tore himself from Rayek, with the result that Cutter jumped at the dark one. He drew New Moon and held it at his enemy's throat, furious about this new betrayal. His rage drew the wolf in him to surface.
**Mine!**
The sending was black and red, the berserker fire of a challenge.
Rayek, maybe still dazed from the dreamberries, or from the unfinished joining, or maybe coming to himself at last, and finding his wisdom, averted his eyes and showed throat to Cutter.
The wolf-chief still came withing a hair's breadth of killing him. But Skywise had recovered of his shock enough to grab him from behind and try his best to hold him, only to learn his brother had grown stronger with age, far too strong for him to hold. So he held his mind instead:
**Don't. No elf must die.** With the words he sent his love for his brother. His pain at Tam's decision to send him with Ember.
**My fault. All my fault. My stupidity.**
The point of the sword wavered a moment, and was drawn away.
**Go and hide yourself under some rock and don't dare crawl into my sight until I send for you**, Cutter told Rayek, **Or I don't answer for what I do.**
Rayek picked up his clothes in a hurry and first ran, then glided away. He would go to Ekuar and ask him shape a thick wall to close the cave they dwelt in. It was not that he feared Cutter, perhaps, but he didn't want to confront him either.
In his mind, Winnowill's shadow laughed at him. But he knew she was not there, she was just a shape his own inner darkness took in the dreamberry-haze. Rayek knew it was wisest now to obey the command, so he might still have Cutter's alliance in the war that was at hand.
It would be too much, wouldn't it, if the war was lost before it even began, for something as stupid as this! Not for love, not for need, just a thought that had seemed good at the time. Rayek, who had never had a brother, had not understood what Skywise and Cutter felt for each other. He had thought they were like Ekuar and him, close like they were of the same blood. They were. But they were also close in another way, like lifemates, Recognized lifemates. Rayek wouldn't mind if Ekuar chose to join with someone, anyone, even if it was someone he himself despised, like Cutter, or Kahvi.
"Mine."
The word echoed in his head. What have I done? His thought were not of that night, however, but of the fact Skywise had been with him in the Palace, almost by accident. Leetah had to be there, that whad been part of his plan, and Ekuar, and Suntop, and Ember for Leetah's sake. Skywise – Rayek had indeed hoped for his understanding. For friendship. Of course he would challenge me for the Palace, even knowing he couldn't win! Wasn't that exactly what I did for Leetah's sake, in the trial of Heart? Wasn't that what Savah read in my mind?
And was it Winnowill who blinded me when I stole Cutter's family, or my own pride?
When Ekuar first dared ask what was wrong with "Black-Hair", though, Rayek's first words were:
"I'm going to kill Pike."
Then of course he had to explain, and it being Ekuar who asked, he ended up telling everything. And agreeing not to kill Pike… just yet.
******
As soon as Rayek was out of sight, Tam turned to his brother.
**How could you?**
**Good question. A very good question. You weren't meant to know.**
Tam stared at Fahr in disbelief.
**Is that your excuse? Did you really think I wouldn't be able to track you here, that I wouldn't know every single hiding place in these woods, after all the turns I've lived here?**
**I didn't think you would come looking for me.** Fahr admitted humbly. He had never felt so wretched in his entire life, so ashamed of himself.
**What?**
**You seemed quite busy with Leetah.**
**Didn't it occur to you if I was going to say my farewells I would do so to both of you? I was going to ask you join us.**
"Oh."
**Tam…**
**Fahr…**
He almost lost his balance when Tam took him in a bear-hug. And when he held on tight and didn't let go, Skywise felt the first stirrigs of desire. He hated his body for it, knowing there was no hiding anything from Tam just now:
**Ohh no you won't. Not tonight.**
**We may not meet again for many dances of the moon…**
**You should have thought of that before you went with him.** Tam couldn't bring himself to speak Rayek's name. Then he went on:
**Instead, we have some talking to do. I'm sending you with Ember because I want you to advise her like you advised me when I was the younger brother. I can't think of anyone else to be chief's second to her. I've learned to get by without you, so I'll just have to get by a while longer. Our daughter needs you more.**
At last Skywise understood.
Chief's second. Our daughter.
All was well with him again.
When all words had been spoken between them, Skywise knew they both needed time to think. Besides, Cutter would have to explain the whole mess to Leetah, who must be wondering where they were by now. Timmain came to him before he even called her, and they rode into the night.
As he had addressed his thoughts to Timmain earlier, he addressed them now to his brother.
Another day is over. Can't believe the heartache I see. There's an angel protecting me.
It's been a hard winter, a full-time job keeping us warm. They're predicting another storm.
On the horizon I see the setting sun. The vision's so heavenly…
Hurry up! It's almost gone!
**Look through the treetops… you'll see a glimering light.** Timmain's sending, clearer than ever.
I think I'll go walking down between the hills through the ravine.
I'll be back by your second dream.
The air is clean, the view is beautiful here.
You should see them… see them… see them… see them!
STARS! As far as the eye can see. As far as the eye can see… they keep going and the light keeps growing!
Some say the world is dying. People say we're always destined to fight. They should see all the stars tonight.
I know we're going to make it. We'll share more warm days in the sun. A new age for the world has come.**I'm running home! I've got to share this with you! You should see them… see them… see them… I want you to see them! Stars as far as the eye can see… they keep going and the light keeps shining on me!**
THE END.
