Chapter 1: The first meeting

Old title:In a bar with two serial killers

New better title:Apotheosis

Apotheosis: deification or divinization is the glorification of an individual to a divine level.

Hello, this is an idea that I got after re-watching Naruto episodes 81 through 96 or something. Anyways I really want to see a TsunadexKakuzu or TsunadexHidan paring. So then I thought. Why not do both! In one story!

Time: In the Tsunade arc where Naruto and Jiraiya are searching for Tsunade. This is after Tsunade got the offer from Orochimaru.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the Akatsuki... but dang…do I wish that I did own them. They would be my slaves…uh….did I just say what I thought I just said...

Here it is!

Apotheosis. A Tsunade, Kakuzu and Hidan story.


"Tsunade-sama! Let's eat here." Shizune said in a fake preppy voice. She was desperately trying to cheer up Tsunade. After hearing Orochimaru's proposition she seemed so out of it. She prayed that her sensei was not considering Orochimaru's request.

Just as Shizune was about to walk into the lively bar Tsunade grabbed her sleeve.

"No…let's go over there." Tsunade cocked her head in the direction of a shady, dark looking bar.

"Th-th-th-there!" Shizune opposed.

"Yes, there." Tsunade had a vicious look in her eyes. A look that Shizune didn't dare to go against. She mumbled prayers and squeezed Ton Ton closer to her chest.

Tsunade casually opened the door to the bar and took a seat next to two men wearing black cloaks with red clouds printed on them.

"Bartender!" Tsunade pounded her first on the table a few times to get the stout man's attention. Shizune kept looking over her shoulder, eyeing all of the drunken men with suspicion. She didn't like some of the looks she and Tsunade were getting.

The bartender came over, he was middle aged and looked extremely tired. "What would you like ma'am?" His voice was rough and uncaring.

"I'll have a bottle of Sake." The bartender huffed as he grabbed a cup and a sake bottle. He set them down rather harshly in front of Tsunade.

"Um…Tsunade-sama." Shizune fidgeted as one of the man that was eyeing them got up and stagger towards them.

"What is it Shizune? I haven't gotten one single drink yet." Tsunade poured the sake into the small cup and chugged it all down in one swallow. "Ok , what do you want?" Tsunade turned to see a freaked out Shizune practically strangling the pink pig in her arms. "You're strangling Ton Ton Shizune." Tsunade bluntly pointed out.

With a little shriek off surprise Shizune loosened up her hold on the poor pig.

"What a couple of ladies like you doin' at a bar like this?" The man that Shizune noticed earlier was standing right behind them. Shizune was thinking of a plan to get rid of him without causing a big scene, Tsunade took another swig of Sake completely ignoring the man.

"Hey, ain't cha gonna answer me?" He grabbed Tsunade's shoulder. Tsunade calmly took another drink of Sake. She didn't even turn her head when she told the man to bug of.

"No, lady. You answer me first." The man smirked drunkenly as he squeezed Tsunade's shoulder. She didn't even flinch.

"Let go of my shoulder." Tsunade's voice with filled with venom. Shizune gulped. Any chance for not causing a big scene was gone now. She just prayed that Tsunade won't cause too much damage.

"Why you!" The man pulled Tsunade up from her seat. Everyone in the bar was watching them. Even the two men wearing the black cloaks. "I'll teach you not to mess with me you-"

"Shizune." Tsunade glared at the man. Fury filled her brown eyes.

"Y-yes Tsunade-sama" The medic nin stuttered.

"One finger would be enough, don't you agree?" Shizune knowing where Tsunade was going with that question stuttered a yes.

"Heh you're underestimating me wrench!" The man pulled back his fist and swung with all his might. But before his knuckles ever made contact with the blonde medic nins skin Tsunade put her finger to the man's chest and flicked. The man went flying in the other direction. He was sent through the wall and into the shop across the street. Tsunade cracked her shoulders and sat back down. She calmly poured another glass of Sake.

Everyone in the bar was stunned at what they had just seen. The bartender was so stunned that he was too afraid to ask the powerful woman to pay for the damage. He just gave her another bottle on the house prying that she wouldn't pound him too.

Tsunade smiled. "Yosh! Thanks old man!" With a renowned vigor she finished her first bottle and started on her second. Shizune didn't know whether to feel glad or sorry that the bartender decided not to ask them for money.

"That was some show, seriously."

Tsunade and Shizune turned their attention to the two men with black cloaks. One had a mask covering his face the other, the one who had spoken, had slicked back white hair. He gave the two medics a cocky smile.

"And you are?" Tsunade eyed the two men warily. She really didn't want to beat the crap out of any more guys, no matter how tempting the thought is.

"Hidan." The man's smile grew. He cussed profanely when that other man hit him smartly across the head.

"You idiot!" the masked man scolded. It was then that Tsunade noticed their head bands. Both of the metal bands had slashes through them.

"You two are ex-nin?" Tsunade asked innocently. She knew that ex-nin were the kind of shinobi that you didn't want to get into fights with.

"Yeah? What of it?" The masked man snapped bitterly.

"Calm down Ka-ku-zu" Hidan smirked. The masked man, Kakuzu, glared at him angrily. His green eyes flashing dangerously. "You're no fun seriously." Hidan leaned forward on the counter.

"Come on Hidan were-"

"Leaving? No friggen way. We just got here. I'm not leaving until I'm at least halfway drunk."

"You stupid little brat."

Tsunade watched the two men intently. There was something about them. She glanced over at Shizune who was fumbling with the edge of her sleeve. A signal they created for situations like this and when Tsunade's gambling went just a little outta control. It basically meant "let's sneak away." Tsunade signaled "no, stay and observe" by scratching her chin. The two men were still arguing.

"Listen. If it makes you feel any better I'm a missing nin." Tsunade smiled playfully at the two men who stopped arguing to look at her.

"Is that so? I thought as much. The way you took that guy out." Hidan took a sip of his sake.

"Yeah." Tsunade stared into her sake cup. Memories flooding her head. The village, her brother, Dan, Orochimaru.

"I'll bring your beloved brother and man back."

The words shot through her like fire. It burned her without mercy.

There was silence between the four of them. Shizune shifted Ton Ton in her arms. The white haired man noticed.

"Is that a pig?" he asked. A leaned over to get a good look at the pig in the medic nin's arms. "Is that pig wearing clothes and a pearl necklace or am I just hallucinating from the sake." He rubbed his eyes.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Yes, it was a childish thing to, but at the moment he didn't care. Killing his partner would cause too much trouble.

Shizune confirmed Hidan and held up the cute pink pig a little so he could see better.

"Well I'll be." Hidan smirked some more as he took another swig of sake.

"Bartender!" Tsunade waved her hand in the air. "Four more bottles." She winked at the two men.

Kakuzu just stared and Hidan gave a cheer.

-One hour later-

Tsunade and Hidan were joyfully wasted and Shizune and Kakuzu were chatting. They were getting along pretty well. They both had something in common. Annoying companions that had no regard for anybody other then them selves.

"So you belong to some religion, Hidan-san?" Tsunade finished her 5th sake bottle.

"Yeah. It's called Jashinism. Basically anything that is not total destruction is a sin."

"Tsunade is awful when it comes to gambling. She's always going on about how she's just having a bad day or her horoscope told her that she'd have luck or something."

"Heh. Try having a religious freak that stabs himself for his rituals. I'm forced to waste hours of time that I could spend making money for his rituals."

"Excuse me, but the bar is closing." The bartender wanted to go to bed. He had already ushered out the other customers and he was left with the four he knew were going to be the hardest.

Tsunade gave him an annoyed look. "What are you talking about old man? Bars stay open all night."

"Not this one." The he twitched. He had a knife ready in his pocket in case of any trouble.

"We'll leave." Shizune interrupted an angry Tsunade who was about to chew the bartenders head off. "Won't we, Tsunade-sama?" Shizune tugged vigorously on her sensei's green jacket.

Tsunade decided that she was too wasted to argue and grudgingly got up and walked out with Shizune. But before she left she turned to the two men who were planning on killing the bartender once the girls left. "Hey, same time tomorrow? It's been a while since I've had drinking buddies." Tsunade smiled mischievously.

"Fine but different bar. This place has bad service. Go to the Gamblers' Hall one street over." Tsunade's smiled widened at the word gamble.

"We'll be there." She and Shizune left without another word. The old wooden door released a low rumbling creak as it closed, hiding the grusome scene about to come.

"What are you planning, Hidan?" Kakuzu released black threads from his arm and started to strangle the bartender.

"I just want some fun, that's all. Besides, you know who that woman is right?"

"What are you talking about?" Kakuzu thought that Hidan was bluffing.

"That was Tsunade. One of the three legendary sannin. A famous medical ninja famed for her skill and inhuman strength. She also was the one to propose the idea of having a trained medical ninja in every squad of four for long, out of country missions."

Kakuzu's mouth dropped, there's no way Hidan could have know all of that. He was too stupid, just too stupid. Kakuzu felt his IQ drop. How did Hidan, Hidan for Pete's sake?! He knew that that blonde woman was a sannin and all of her achievements and not him. He was older than that smart aleck religious nut case, he should have known that way before he did.

"Now let's go. I'm tired. I'm going to have such a hangover tomorrow."

"Quit your griping." Kakuzu did not want to acknowledge that Hidan actually knew all of that stuff. He couldn't. He wouldn't.

"Whatever."

So the two men left the bar, not bothering to hide the bartender's body. They walked in silence to the inn they were staying at... Things were going to get very interesting.

Tomorrow, Kakuzu decided, he was going to tail Tsunade.