Kill me if you want, but this is reflecting a recent experience. Song: Apologize - One Republic


Zach stared down at the city lights below him, the toes of his boots at the very edge of the ShinRa Tower. He was looking blankly down, his body completely still as the scene from not an hour ago played over and over again in his mind.

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound

He stood in the middle of Angeal's apartment, his body numb with shock. "What?"

"Zach," Angeal said patiently, his voice hard though his emotions were roiling inside him. He couldn't stand being without his puppy, but he always did what he believed was right. Always. "We can no longer be together."

"But…why?" Zach asked, not caring that his voice sounded small and hurt. Of all the things he expected when his lover and mentor asked him to his apartment, this wasn't one of them. Not even close.

You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say that...

Angeal hardened himself against what was to come, but he couldn't do it completely. Instead, he turned and faced the windows, as he tried to find a way to say what he wanted to, without coming off a complete bastard. He could feel Zach behind him, shrinking into himself in a way that Angeal had never hoped to see, or feel again. Now he was the reason why his puppy was doing it.

"It would be improper if we were to continue as we are," he began, stiffening when Zach made a rude, condescending noise behind him.

"I don't want to hear about your honor," he said, not caring that his voice was cold and harsh. He had been with Angeal for months now. In the training rooms, in the field…in his bed. Now the life he had been trying to build with his mentor was going to be crushed, because of honor? It would be a cold day in hell before he let that happen. "We have been together for months, and it never seemed to bother you before. Why now?"

Angeal hated it when Zach pulled out his intuitive side. He was leaving to go after Genesis, and didn't plan to ever come back. He didn't plan on living that long, either, if he couldn't save his lifelong friend. If he told his student, Zach would insist on coming with him, but Sephiroth had already lost one friend, and was loosing another. There was no way he would take Zach away from him too, just when the silver haired man was beginning to open up to the 2nd. He steeled himself, hating himself already for what he was about to do, but he could see no other option. Taking a page from Sephiroth's book, he turned slightly, giving Zach cold, appraising eyes.

"While you're beautiful, Zachary, I can't have a puppy tagging along after me anymore."

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Everything inside Zach froze at those words. His mind, his blood, his heart. While he normally would be inclined to scoff at the statement, shrugging it off, the look in Angeal's eyes told him the bigger man was very serious. Even so, he couldn't let it go that easily.

"You don't mean that," he whispered, ignoring the feel of tears as they gathered on his lower lids. Angeal chuckled softly, a sound that made his gut clench in remembered memories of late, hot nights in bed. He stood completely still as Angeal walked over to him, but his legs began to quiver when he ran a sword calloused hand down the side of his face.

"Oh but I do. It was cute at first, but now it's just annoying." He licked his lips even as he died inside, looking the 2nd over from top to bottom, letting the intimate knowledge of that body fill his eyes. Then he leaned down, letting his breath ghost over Zach's ear. "We could always have a go at it again, for old times sake." Even as a 1st Class SOLDIER, second only to the great General himself, he was caught unprepared by the right fist that slammed into his face, sending him tumbling backwards. He rubbed his cheek, his hand stilling even though his kept his eyes cold, at the sight that was presented to him.

Zach's face was livid with rage, but tears coursed down his cheeks, even as he clenched his fists in white knuckled grips. His entire body was shaking with the force of his emotions, but it was his violet eyes that made 'I'm sorry' echo though his mind in an anguished whisper, though they remained unspoken. They were consumed with anger, but underneath that, there was a hurt so deep, that Angeal knew he had broken something inside him. He watched as Zach saluted him sharply, then pulled the key card for his apartment out of his pocket. In one, contemptuous move, he threw the card at Angeal, and strode out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. It wasn't until then, that one of the most feared men in the world, curled up into a tight ball, and let the tears come.

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat

But it's nothing new

"Angeal," Zach whispered to himself, his hand rising to lightly place his fingertips against his heart. It was there, still beating, and yet he felt as though it had been ripped from his chest. "I gave you everything. All I ever wanted in return was you, and you couldn't even give me that."

I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

"Zachary," Angeal said sharply from behind him, but he didn't even move. He had heard the door open, and knew who it was that stood with him on the roof. Angeal had been there when he had whispered the words, and Zach knew the 1st had heard. "Get away from the edge."

"Why?" he asked slowly, not bothering to even look back.

"Because us not being together anymore shouldn't make you suicidal," he said with exasperation, though his heart was beating triple time in fear, his breath coming fast in panic. He swallowed at the soft, unamused laugh.

"You don't get it. You never did, I guess," Zach said, his voice darkly amused. He finally turned his head, and Angeal wanted to shake him until the self-hatred left his eyes. Yet, at the same time, all he was really aching to do was take him into his arms, shielding him from the world and all the cruelties in it.

"I breathed for you, I bled for you. I did anything, and everything you asked me to, because I loved you. All I ever asked for was your love, and you couldn't even give me that. I was…" He seemed to search for the right word, before a self-deprecating smile graced his lips. "I was a pet. Angeal's Puppy. And like a puppy, I lived only for my master. Sometimes dogs who are abused turn on their masters, Angeal."

"I'm sorry," Angeal whispered, those words the only ones coming to mind, his body frozen in regret as he watched his only love rock forward.

"To late, my love." Zach turned back to the dark night, his eyes closing as he felt the cold wind scoring his cheeks, freezing the tears that continued to fall. His life was worth nothing now. Everything that he was, everything that he had lived for, died in that room, twenty stories below. How could he explain to Angeal, that once he had given his heart, everything else followed with it? When he loved, he loved unconditionally, with no other person in his mind, or heart. Real puppies, he thought, opening his eyes slightly with a small smile, can be abused and still find happiness. I'm not a real puppy, and I will never find happiness like I had with him, even if was only for a couple months. He took a deep breath, memories of friendly arguments, heated caresses, whispers of 'I love you', and a million other small things that made a true relationship, flickering through his mind. Closing his eyes, he let himself fall.

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late