In my Great Escapes series I mentioned that Leon once hit Arthur over the head with a frying pan. I've decided to elaborate on the events that led to Leon knocking Arthur unconscious with a piece of dishware. This is nothing to serious and I wrote it kind of quickly, but I hope everyone enjoys.
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin.
"Come on Leon. You have to do it. There's a fifty/fifty chance you won't be obligated," Ethan said, looking over Leon's shoulder as the new knight tried to work up his courage. He had only been a knight for three months and already he might be assigned to his hardest assignment yet. He looked at Sir Patrick with pleading eyes.
"Sorry, kid. If we took a chance, you need to take a chance," he answered. His voice assured Leon that he wasn't the only one who was nervous.
"If you get the bigger stick, you'll be free," Sir Jacob assured the young knight once more. How had Leon gotten himself into this? Try as he might, no answer came. Leon tentatively reached his hand out to the two twigs that were still clutched in Sir Patrick's shaking hand. It was all up to fate now. Leon's hand hovered above the sticks, trying to see if he could tell for sure which one was longer.
"Just do it real quick. Like setting a bone," Ethan whispered, the silence was tense and almost overbearing. Leon doubted that this was like setting a bone. Once you set a bone, the pain level generally went down. If he picked the smaller stick, Leon would be stuck with the agony for far longer. But he had stalled long enough. It was time to prove himself. Leon squeezed his eyes shut and blindly reached for a stick, praying to every god he knew that he would pick the longer one. He reached down and grasped one. Slowly he pulled it out until the entire piece of wood had been released for Sir Patrick's grip. Leon held his breath and opened his eyes. He and Sir Patrick opened their hands to compare the lengths.
"No!" Leon cried out, falling to his knees. Sir Patrick smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. He stepped forward and clapped Leon on the shoulder comfortingly.
"You'll do fine. Just remember, he's the prince of Camelot and could order your execution, should he see fit," Sir Patrick said in a shaky voice. Leon groaned and flopped forward onto the floor. Sirs Patrick, Jacob, and Elliot all left the armory with high spirits. He had a feeling they were going to the tavern to celebrate. Only Ethan and Leon remained. Ethan squatted down next to his friend and rubbed his back soothingly.
"Just think of what a great honor this is, having the crowned prince of Camelot as your squire," he said gently. Leon groaned and continued to lie there like a slug. Ethan bit his lip and looked around. He didn't know how else to comfort his friend. Ethan was sure Leon would do fine. He was one of the best knights Camelot had seen in awhile. Leon would make an excellent trainer for Prince Arthur.
"You should probably go tell the king you're his son's trainer," Ethan suggested.
"I've only been an knight for three months! Why does everyone think that this is a good idea for me to train Prince Arthur? I'm still green!" Leon complained, though his voice was muffled by the floor. Ethan sighed and sat down on the ground completely.
"You're closer to his age. Maybe he'll listen to you?" Ethan stated hopefully.
"Then why don't you train him," Leon said, lifting his head to look at his friend.
"Sorry, mate. You drew the short stick," Ethan chuckled before standing up and leaving the armory. Leon rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.
"He can't honestly be that bad. Maybe he'll respect my authority," Leon stated to no one in particular. He propped himself up and prepared to meet his squire, continually telling himself that Prince Arthur was not going to be completely insufferable.
oOoOoOo
Leon stood outside the doors to the prince's chambers nervously. He had met the prince and even talked with him, but he wasn't sure how he was going to react with the fact that Leon was his new master. From what Leon heard and saw, Arthur didn't really respond well to any form of command. He believed that he was above anything and everything, save his father. Leon took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock. He dropped it again. Perhaps he could find someway to blackmail Sir David into doing this for him. Leon was sure it wouldn't be too difficult to dig up some dirt on the man. Sadly, Sirs Patrick and Jacob had already alerted the king that Leon was taking over the position. King Uther had stopped Leon in the halls and gave him a stern warning not to get Arthur killed or injured. He then continually reminded the young knight that Prince Arthur was the future heir to the throne and if Leon did anything to mess that up, it would be his head on the platter. So yeah, Leon was justified in his nerves. When he was knighted, he didn't think the fate of the entire kingdom would rest on his shoulders.
"I'm sure he'll be fine," Leon told himself once again. He knocked on the door and waited to be admitted.
"Go away," Prince Arthur's voice commanded. Well this has already gone to shit. Leon thought to himself. Still, this had to be done. Leon took a deep breath and straightened himself up. He did want to give the air of authority when he first met the prince. After all, Prince Arthur was going to be listening to Leon's orders, not the other way around.
"Sire, it's Sir Leon," Leon called out tentatively. Hopefully the prince would be more willing to see him if he knew that it was a knight who was at the door. Who wouldn't be? A knight of Camelot, coming to see you and say that you were his squire! Why Leon could think of no greater incentive to open the door.
"Ah, Sir Leon," Arthur's voice called out. Leon smiled and gripped the door handle. Just as he suspected, Prince Arthur would want to talk to such a noble and brave member of the upper class.
"Go away," Arthur's voice called out again. Leon scowled. Okay, maybe he didn't want to speak with Leon. This boy wasn't really making his job any easier. Leon decided it was time to be more forceful. Perhaps the prince responded better to a stern hand rather than a polite gesture.
"I can't. You are my squire. Now I must speak with you!" Leon cried out. Okay, he didn't mean for himself to sound so frustrated. That was a sign of weakness, and Leon couldn't show the prince he was weak. Patience Leon. You need to make this work. He reminded himself. Camelot was counting on him to change the prince into an upstanding member of society. He took some deep breaths and slammed a lid down on his irritation. He had a feeling that was going to be happening a lot.
"I don't care. I don't want to see anyone right now," Prince Arthur called out again. Leon looked around, begging someone to come around the corner and help him. He wasn't sure how the odd guard or servant would be able to make the prince receive him, but Leon did not was to be alone at the moment.
"I'm sorry, but it's the king's orders. You are my squire and we have to talk about your training," Leon replied. He was pleased he sounded so calm and in control when not even a minute before he had been losing control.
"I don't need to train," Arthur responded. Leon pursed his lips and tried to think of a way he could get into the room without disobeying his prince. Fighting an army single-handedly wasn't as difficult as this!
"You do need to train. You're not invincible," Leon called out. As soon as the words left his mouth, Leon realized what was wrong with them. Arthur was in that stage of life where he thought nothing could hurt him. As soon as Leon said he wasn't invincible, Arthur would was to prove him wrong. Wait to go, Leon. You just made the situation worse. Leon scolded himself.
"Let me rephrase. I don't want to train," Arthur replied. Leon groaned and ran his hand through his hair. At least Arthur didn't argue about him not being indestructible.
"We're not training now! We're talking about training so that we can train later!"
"That sounds even more boring," Arthur called out. How the hell could he sound so bored when Leon was getting more and more frustrated? Leon banged his head against the wall. He was losing a battle against someone who wasn't supposed to be fighting him! Arthur should be worshipping the ground Leon walked on and holding on to his every word as the gospel truth. He shouldn't be so damn difficult to work with!
"Prince Arthur, your father has entrusted you to me. I will get into that room one way or another and we will talk about your training!" Leon cried. He heard a click. He stepped over to the door and jiggled the handle.
"Did you just lock the door?" Leon cried out, putting both his hands on the handle and pulling it with all his might.
"I want to see if you can keep your word," Prince Arthur stated in an uninterested tone. Leon put one foot on the wall and began pulling with all his muscle. The door wouldn't budge.
"You still haven't entered yet," Arthur said in a singsong voice. Leon's hands slipped and he went tumbling to the other side of the hallway. He hit the wall with a thunk and tried to regain his footing. He reached up and grabbed the first available thing and used it to pull himself up. Sadly, Leon choose a tapestry and the thing wasn't too good about holding up almost 200 pounds. Before Leon knew what was happening, the tapestry made a horrible ripping sound and Leon tumbled back onto the floor. He laid there on his stomach, spread eagle and not willing to move. He had given up. Prince Arthur could die in battle for all Leon cared.
"That was a lovely entrance. Oh wait, you're still locked out!" Arthur laughed from inside his room.
"I'll show you an entrance," Leon growled, pushing up his sleeves and looking around for something to break the door open. His will had been brought back with a fiery passion. Leon never backed down from a challenge. He would open the door if it was the last thing he did. His eyes landed on a pillar. He walked over to it and carefully removed the flower vase that was sitting atop it. Leon began pushing the pillar over to the door, the stones made a horrible screeching sound as the pillar was dragged across them. Leon managed to get the pillar situated in front of the prince's door and stopped to catch his breath.
"Either you unlock the door or I will break it down," Leon stated in his most threatening tone. He heard Arthur laughing from the other side.
"What will you tell my father when there's a giant hole in my door that you put there?" he asked.
"I thought I heard you being attacked. You weren't answering my calls and the door was locked. Naturally your safety comes first so I broke the door down," Leon responded proudly. He crossed his arms over his chest, though he knew Prince Arthur couldn't see him.
"Go ahead, break down the door," Prince Arthur chuckled. Leon's eyes widened and his hands dropped to his sides. How could someone be so difficult? Leon clenched his teeth and began preparing himself.
"I'll break down the door your insolent little prat," Leon growled. He heaved the pillar so that it was settled on his shoulder. He stepped back carefully so that he was up against the opposite wall. It was difficult to maneuver now that he was top heavy, but Leon could do this. He could show the prince that he was not someone to mess with. Leon gritted his teeth and braced himself for the impact. He hoped that he wouldn't have to break the door down completely. Hopefully the first hit would be enough to let the prince know Leon was being serious.
"I'm waiting," Arthur's voice called out again. Leon let out a battle cry that was probably a string of very bad curse words, and ran to the door. If this commotion didn't bring the castle guards running, the Leon would have to speak to the king about their incompetence. Leon gripped the pillar tighter and prepared for impact. His eyes widened as the door opened. Leon tried to stop himself but he had gained too much momentum. With a strangled cry Leon flew forward, through the door, and into the room. He hit the floor with a thud and the pillar that had been settled on his shoulder was launched through the window. Leon winced as he heard the pillar crash onto the ground below. He really hoped no citizens had been standing under the window and were hurt. He looked up to see a very amused looking prince.
"I did not think you were serious," Prince Arthur stated with a smirk. He stepped over Leon's prone body and flopped down in a chair.
"Dinner roll?" he asked, tossing Leon a piece of bread. The food bounced off the top of Leon's head and rolled to the other corner of the room. Leon groaned and buried his face in the floor. This was going to be so much harder than he had originally hoped.
oOoOoOo
"Leon, are you in there?" Ethan called out cautiously from the other side of his friend's door. Leon had been training Arthur for almost a month now. Ethan could tell that every day, the knight was losing more and more patience. He seemed to get slowly more disheveled in his appearance. His cloak was rarely fastened properly, his hair was hardly ever combed, and his armor was never polished. On top of all that, Leon was also getting very jumpy. The other day, Elliot brushed up against Leon and before the knight could react, Leon had him pinned to the ground with a stick at his throat. Ethan didn't know why Leon had a stick, but he decided enough was enough. Ethan had talked it over with Sir Patrick and they agreed they should probably keep an eye on Leon so that he didn't accidently murder the prince or another knight.
"Leon?" Ethan called out again. Ethan jumped and his hand flew to his sword as a crash was heard from inside the room. Ethan cautiously reached for the door handle before the door was thrown open, revealing a very disheveled looking Leon. His hair stuck out at odd angles, his shirt was on backwards, and Ethan was pretty sure his trousers were inside out.
"How easy is it to poison the prince's food?" he asked, out of breath. Ethan stared at Leon for a few seconds, his mouth hanging open. He regained his composure quickly.
"I'd imagine pretty hard. His food is all tasted," he responded cautiously. Ethan didn't know if he wanted to know why Leon asked him that.
"Damn, so close," Leon growled, scribbling something onto a piece of parchment that was in his hand.
"Maybe I should come in," Ethan said gently. He swung an arm around Leon's shoulders and directed his friend back inside the room. Ethan's eyes widened as he saw papers all pinned to the wall. Various things were written on them. Ethan couldn't make out a lot, but what he could make out was that most seemed to be ways to die.
"BOULDERS!" Leon cried out, causing Ethan to jump. "I'll crush him with boulders!" Leon stated proudly. Ethan winced as he realized Leon's eyes were wild and crazy, matching his clothing and his hair very well. Ethan smiled nervously before spotting some chairs.
"Why don't you sit down, my friend? I think we need to have a talk," Ethan said soothingly as he led Leon to a chair and sat him down. Leon began banging his head on the table. Ethan placed a pillow underneath Leon's head so that his friend would hurt himself.
"I have to train with the prince in 15 minutes." He looked up at Ethan with pleading eyes. "I don't want to train with him," he said sadly.
"Why don't you calm down, have some wine, and maybe not daydream about murdering the prince by…sticking him in an ant hill. Interesting," Ethan said, reading off of one of the pieces of parchment Leon had stuck to the wall.
"That one's not going to work. It's winter," Leon responded. Ethan shook his head in understanding and poured some wine. He handed the goblet to Leon before sitting down across from him.
"When did you start having these thoughts of… murder?" Ethan asked cautiously. Leon swallowed the wine in one go and sat down the goblet harshly on the table.
"About a week ago," he responded. He seemed better in control of his emotions.
"Damn," Ethan cursed under his breath.
"What?" Leon asked.
"Nothing you need to concern yourself with," Ethan said cautiously. He didn't want to push Leon when he was in this state.
"What is so bad about me cracking last week?" Leon asked. Not so much of ask though, more like growled viciously. Ethan noticed his eyes were getting crazier again. Leon was giving Ethan a look that clearly said "Either you tell me or I will run you through with a sword".
"Well me and some of the others kind of had a pool as to when you would break," Ethan responded shrugging apologetically.
"By 'some others' how many do you mean?" Leon asked, narrowing his eyes. He really should have thought through his plan to talk to Leon now. The man looked ready to kill.
"Just me, Sir Patrick, Sirs Jacob, David, Elliot, William, Luke. And some of the palace guards," Ethan answered with an apologetic smile. Leon narrowed his eyes.
"Okay, okay. The laundry girls, the head cook, the butcher, several servants, half of the lower town, and every tavern owner in a three mile radius," Ethan finished. He shrank in on himself and tried to not look Leon in the eye.
"When did you think I would break?" Leon asked, his voice was dangerously low
"Yesterday," Ethan answered quietly. Leon glared at Ethan, his gaze unwavering.
"I have to train with the prince," Leon said suddenly. He stood up and exited the chambers. Ethan sat there for a second, his brain trying to catch up with the events that had just taken place. When his brain did manage to process the information, he knew he had to do something.
"Leon! Wait! I'm sorry. It's just, it was really good money!" Ethan cried running after Leon. Leon didn't acknowledge his friend in any way.
The two continued around the corner. Ethan was continually trying to gain Leon's forgiveness. The men were half way to Arthur's chambers when they ran into the king. Ethan ceased his apologizing and Leon's eyes lost their ferocious glare. This was the king they were greeting. They had to be professional.
"Sire," they both responded, bowing politely. A piece of parchment fluttered out of Leon's pocket and onto the floor. Uther bent down to pick it up. Leon gasped and his eyes widened. Uther read through the paper, his expression slowly changing into something Leon couldn't quite place. Uther cleared his throat.
"Sir Leon, why do you have a list of torture techniques written down?" Uther asked, turning the paper so that Leon could read it. Ethan leaned forward and got a closer look.
"The rack's a little harsh. Don't you think?" he asked softly. Leon cleared his throat. He could lie his way out of the situation. Leon was sure of that.
"Well, sire, I wanted to go over the different torture techniques with the prince and how to best deal with them," Leon answered. He was glad the lie worked so well. It was perfectly plausible as this was something all knights and squires were required to know. They had to be trained so that they wouldn't give up the kingdom and her secrets to the enemy. Uther quirked an eyebrow.
"Is that so?" he asked. Leon nodded.
"Then explain to me why there is a lovely drawing on the back where one figure, who looks a lot like Arthur, is being stabbed repeatedly by another figure, who looks a lot like you? And the figure that looks a lot like you is saying 'die Arthur die!'" Uther pursed his lips and stared expectantly at Leon. Leon laughed nervously before ripping the paper from Uther's hand and throwing it into a nearby torch. Everyone watched as the paper caught fire and slowly burned into a pile of ash. Uther turned back to Leon.
"Did you just burn evidence of a murder plot?" he asked. Leon laughed and tried to come up with a good excuse. His mind was blank.
"I have to go train the prince," he said as he rushed by a very confused looking Uther. After Leon was out of earshot, Uther turned to Ethan.
"When did he break?"
"He said a week ago," Ethan answered.
"Damn. Now I owe the butcher ten gold pieces," Uther said.
"Don't worry sire, we all owe the bastard something," Ethan responded as the two made their way down the hall.
oOoOoOo
Leon stood proudly along with the other knights as Arthur was called forward. It had been a trying few years but his squire had grown into a fairly respectable young man. Leon was proud of his pupil and thought that he had had a great role in shaping the next king of Camelot. Not only that, but Arthur had gained a great advisor and friend along the way as well. Leon smiled as Arthur arose, a newly knighted member of Camelot. He cheered with the rest of the crowd as the king declared a celebration and feast tonight. Even the Lady Morgana was smiling happily and not shooting Arthur one of her famous pointed looks.
Leon made his way over to Arthur, careful to avoid the other people in the great hall. Arthur was drinking another glass of wine when Leon flopped down beside him.
"You might want to take it slowly, my friend. I doubt you've had a nasty hangover yet," Leon shouted. Ethan had found his way into the arms of some serving girl and was too caught up with trying to eat her face to notice Leon. Arthur waved him off.
"Give me a break, Leon. I've been through hell trying to work with you," Arthur laughed.
"You've been through hell?" Leon cried out. He was about to give the prince a piece of his mind when Sir Patrick pulled him away.
"You should see this one's body!" the older knight cried. Leon sighed.
"That's a statue, of a man," he told the knight. This was why Leon didn't get drunk. He didn't want to hear what embarrassing acts he had completed the night before. Sir Patrick didn't listen to Leon's words and began trying to court the statue. He sat back down at the table and picked absent-mindedly at his food. The evening wore on and the people began getting drunker and drunker. Even Leon was starting to feel a little tipsy as he downed another glass of wine. He giggled as his eyes fell on Arthur. The prince had successfully drunk himself to sleep. Leon looked around. No one else seemed to notice. Leon sighed and decided he should probably get the prince back to his chambers. Leon heaved the man up by his armpits. Arthur looked up at Leon and smiled.
"Leon! My old buddy," he slurred. "Where we goin'?" he asked.
"Back to your chambers," Leon responded as he dragged the prince out of the hall.
"'Kay," the prince muttered sleepily. If Leon knew he was so compliant when he was drunk, he would have been slipping the prince alcohol for years. Though he didn't want to think about having to deal with a drunk Arthur with a pointy sword.
Leon sighed with relief as the prince's chambers came into his view.
"You know, this would go a lot faster if you helped," Leon grunted as he leaned Arthur against the wall and went to open the door. Arthur snorted in amusement and fell over. His head hit the ground with an audible smack. Leon winced and opened the door. Once again, he bent down and picked the prince off the floor.
"Lets get you to bed," Leon said sleepily. It had been a late night and he wanted to also fall into the land of dreams. He deposited Arthur on the bed and turned to leave. He yelped as he felt something sharp poke his back.
"Arthur!" he cried out, spinning around to see Arthur in a battle stance with his fire poker.
"We need to train, Leon! Arm yourself," Arthur commanded as he advanced onto Leon again. Leon squeaked and attempted to evade the fire poker.
"Why weren't you moving like this when I was dragging you back here?" Leon cried as he rolled onto Arthur's bed and back onto the floor. Arthur giggled and went to poke Leon again.
"Come on, Leon. It's no fun if you don't participate," Arthur whined as he attempted to parry an invisible attack. Arthur continued to chase Leon around the room. Each time Leon go close to the door, Arthur would smack his hand away from the handle.
"I'm never getting you drunk again!" Leon cried as Arthur attempted to beat Leon over the head with the poker.
"Come at me," Arthur hiccupped. He went to swipe at Leon again when Leon grabbed the first thing he could and swung it at Arthur's head. An audible clang was heard as Arthur crumpled to the floor. Leon realized that he had been holding a frying pan in his hand. He looked at the silhouette of his prince.
"Shit, I killed the future king of Camelot," Leon gasped. He crawled over to Arthur's crumpled form and shook him gently.
"Sire?" Leon called out. Arthur groaned and tried to bat Leon's hand away. Leon let out a sigh of relief. He maneuvered Arthur so that he was back on the bed.
"Hopefully I won't get beheaded for this," Leon said aloud as he slipped out of the room quietly. Why was there a frying pan in the room in the first place? He thought to himself as he went back to his chambers and collapsed on the bed.
The next morning, Leon was out on the training field. He and a few others didn't have hangovers, but the rest of the knights and servants did. He smirked as Ethan tried to block the bright sunlight from his eyes. Arthur came lumbering towards them. Leon winced as he noticed a large bruise on the prince's forehead.
"What happened last night?" Arthur grumbled rubbing the back of his head.
"No idea," Leon responded nervously before walking purposefully over to a training dummy and trying his best to ignore Arthur. He hoped the prince would never remember this day. And there appeared to be no harm done, so Leon didn't have to tell Gaius that he almost killed the future king of Camelot. Leon turned to see Arthur and David sparring half-heartedly. He grinned. He didn't have to worry about one little head injury. It wasn't like the prince was going to be knocked unconscious every other week.
Fin. Not my best piece of work but I liked it. Tell me what you think and have happy Monday.
