Chapter One – "Dear Diary"
I don't quite remember that day, but bits and pieces seem to come back with every second that's going by. Her blood everywhere and my tears all over the place. It's been two years now and I figured it may be the best to write my thoughts and memories down.
I loved her with all my heart and every other organ in my body. Loved? Yes, past time. It's not like she only lives in the past for me, because that wouldn't be true at all. Tara is my one and only. I don't think that I will ever be able to love another being like I loved her. She fulfilled my life to the fullest and nobody could give that to me – in no way. The way I think about her is a very special one. She is in every thought that I think, every move I'm able to make is because of her. Tara is the light of my life, that's why she keeps me company on may way through the world. Because she is the one, the one I loved.
To be honest – I've tried everything to bring her back. To get her astonishing soul back to this cruel and ugly world, but in my arms, you know? It's a very selfish way of dealing with things but I guess that's how people handle death. I still get teary when talking .. or in this case writing about this, but my psychotherapist told me, that this is a good thing to deal with her death and the aftermath of it.
"Your shirt." Her last words. I will never forget them. And I will never forget the look on her face. Unfortunately, her words and her look pop into my mind very often. It's the last thing from her that I can hold on to. The last memory.
I think that "I love you" or "Wow, look at you" would've made it much easier than "Your shirt", but I guess you can't have it all, huh? Don't get me wrong, I'm not joking – I'm just dealing with it. With her and the life we had together. The future that we planned together and the kittens we wanted to adopt. Now there's only me and sometimes I do wish that I had died this day, but would it be any better for Tara then? Would she ever be happy without me or could she handle the devastation? I can't. And I wouldn't want that for Tara.
Guys, I guess that's it for now. Talk to you soon and – well, thanks for reading.
Forever yours,
W
