A/N hey so i had this idea for a oneshot because i really believe Gale and Katniss's last meeting in mockingjay needed to end differently. So enjoy.
"Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it." He waits for me to deny it even though he knows I can't. Because it's true, I watched Prim die and I'll always associate her death with Gale, even if it wasn't his bomb. He takes the silence as a sign to leave, to walk out of my life forever as he turns towards the door. But I'm suddenly filled with courage, determination not to let this, us end like this. At least not for now.
"Hey, Gale…" I call out in a sound that barely qualifies as a whisper. He hears me anyway.
Without turning round he answers me. "Yeah?" His voice sounds pained as though he wishes I would have just let him leave without another word. My brain tells me that's what I should've done anyway, I shouldn't be trying to reassure him, I shouldn't try to make things right; he's my sisters killer, isn't he? But none of that change the fact that as much as I want to hate the man standing in front of me, I can't. Because no matter how much he's changed–no matter how much we've changed, he's still Gale. And I can still see him in there, the old him, my best friend. But that also doesn't change the fact that the boy I see glimpses of can't come back, I can't bring him back just as he can't bring back the girl I once was, that's what hurts the most as walk over and stare deep into his silver-grey eyes. Eyes once filled with determination and fire, now only filled with sorrow and regret.
"We never would have worked anyway," My reassurance is unconvincing to even myself because even I know that if Prim were still alive–no matter how much we had grown apart–I would never, ever want Gale to leave my side, how could I live without my hunting partner, my confidant, my protector, my best friend? I am disheartened at the realization that now I must do indeed just that. "Were too alike…" Is all I can think of to say as his gaze on me intensifies, it's as though he's searching my soul, desperate for a piece of the girl he fell in love with to cling on to. I'll never know if he finds her.
My breathing hitches as his thumb brushes over my cheek, my mind feels dizzy as a million memories come before me, his hands setting a delicate snare, his hands ensnaring me as though he can't bear to let me go, his hands cupping my face as his lips descend onto mine, his hand holding mine in comfort, his hands sketching out detailed plans, his hands being cuffed together, his hands designing the very bomb that took away the most important thing in my life. Prims death is as vivid as anything, the light that engulfs her, the screams that unfold around her, he lips forming my name at the last second, the burning fire that swallowed her whole. I want to scream, I want to pound on his chest until he leaves, I want to chide myself for allowing this happen, for allowing myself to forget even if only for a minute, I want to scream; but I can't, so I just stand there, frozen.
If he's figured out my sudden change in demeanour his eyes give nothing away as he says. "Everyone has a flaw, Catnip," The nickname feels like a punch in the gut. "Yours is your too selfless, mine is I'm not selfless enough." His hand drops from my face, limp at his side as he backs away. "That's what makes us different." I still don't dare to move as his hand pauses on the doorknob. "I'm going to fix that now. But I'll miss you Catnip, I'll always miss you." His words are filled with everything I know he wants to say but can't, a moment passes as though to allow me to take in his words, his actions, and then he's gone as quietly as he came.
The old me would run after him and scold him for taking the easy way out, the old me would tell him that whatever we face, we face together. But the old me isn't here any more, and he knows it. It's for the best I tell myself, think of Prim, think of your mother, think of yourself. Gale said I was too selfless but the truth is I am anything but, if I was truly selfless I wouldn't let him leave because it's what's best for him and not me. But I am not. So I let him go, my final gift to him and his final gift to me.
My heart still seems to break though as the tears spurt down my cheeks uncontrollably as I read the small note tucked into the quiver arranged on my back.
I'll always miss you Catnip.
"I always love you too Gale." Is what I let disappear into the air behind him, he's long gone but those words in the air will always follow him, I hope.
Because for now, all we can do is hope.
A/N Love it? Like it? Hate it? Whatever you think please review.
