Alex fidgets nervously as she waits for the large brown door to open. She glances around the small waiting area. She tries to distract herself from the anxiety by noticing rather minute details. A few older magazines scattered across the glass coffee table, each addressed to Piper Chapman, LCSW. Alex spent a long time resisting the fact that she could use some help. With a small push, or realistically a harsh shove from her worried mother, she spent a few days searching online for a therapist she could connect with.
After two failed attempts, she hoped the third time would be the last. The first therapist was nice enough; She was an older lady who spent most of their session listening to Alex and agreeing with all of her thoughts. It didn't help because she didn't need someone to agree with her, but actually quite the opposite. The green eyed marvel needed to be challenged. She couldn't grow with someone who agreed with every opinion she had.
The second counselor went a little worse. A middle aged man who appeared to be a bit homophobic. Every time Alex would mention her sexuality, he would dismiss it or make small comments to insinuate she was just unsure about what she really wanted, or would find the right person eventually and 'he' would treat her right.
Alex's foot tapped eagerly and she tried to ignore the slow ticking of the clock on the wall in front of her.
Just as she convinces herself she can't handle the anxiety climbing and stands to leave, the wooden door opens and a tall young blonde appears.
"Alex?" The woman flashes a brilliant smile.
The raven haired woman freezes. The emerald orbs start at the thin black stilettos, she drags her gaze up the impossibly long legs until she sees the hem of a black skirt just above her knees. She continues upward, noticing the way her white blouse hugs her abdomen perfectly. The top two buttons are left open, leaving Alex's throat to feel noticeably dry. Her gaze finally meets the curious blue eyes and she can't help but return a similar huge smile.
"Hi, you must be Miss Chapman?" Alex steps toward the blonde who has gestured her into the room.
"Oh, please, you can call me Piper. I'm not one for formalities." The blond replies and shuts the door after Alex enters.
"So, Alex, what brings you to me?" She settles herself into her gray fabric loveseat. The room is tastefully decorated with colorful abstract art. The gray couch is accompanied by two chairs of the same color. Piper's pen and notebook sits on the couch and a cup of coffee in front of where she normally sits. Alex takes the cue to sit in the chair across from her, setting her keys on the coffee table separating them.
"Uh, well, I'm having an issue with my relationships and I've come to a point where, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I just can't bring myself to love or want to commit to anyone. I've tried and it just doesn't seem to happen for me."
Piper nods and jots down a few things on her notepad.
"Do you have any specific goals for us to achieve together?" The blonde asks in a comforting tone.
Alex swallows audibly and shifts her weight around the chair, trying to calm her nerves.
"I think I just need to figure out what's wrong with me." Alex chuckles. Piper joins in with a small laugh of her own.
"Well I can assure you right now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I think sometimes we don't fully understand our thoughts and feelings. It can lead us to a lot of frustration and feeling like we wired differently than others when in reality, everyone struggles in one way or another." She assures the taller woman.
Alex smiles, already feeling like this will be a good fit, despite the slightly gnawing attraction she feels in the back of her mind.
"So I think the question is, what part of yourself do you believe is poorly wired?"
Alex scrambles to think clearly. She struggles to open up to the stranger before her, knowing she will probably reveal more about herself than she has to anyone ever.
"I guess I always thought that I must not be meant to have a long last relationship, maybe I'm just incapable of that sort of intimacy I guess? I don't know. It seems like everyone I meet, wants to get married or settle down and I just don't think thats in my cards. I don't really know if that normal or not." She answers honestly.
"Alex, that's a completely normal concern. There isn't a mold that we are all from. Every single person on this planet has a different mixture of genetics and upbringings, you know, nature vs nurture, that determines what we are like. Do you believe you are the only person to ever exist that struggles with commitment or wanting to have something permanent?" Piper asks, leaning forward to study Alex's expression.
"Well, no.. but how do you ask someone about it? It's not like I'm going go up to the next woman I meet and say, 'Hi, my name is Alex, I never want to get married, but I'd like to sleep with you, sound good?'" Alex smirks, tilting her head toward Piper waiting for her response.
Piper smiles brightly, and Alex's doesn't miss the quick look that flashes in the blonde's eyes when she mentions she prefers women.
"Well, no, that may not be the smoothest approach, but there are ways to go about it. Being open and honest is the key. Once you understand yourself better, you'll be able to explain yourself better. We can practice ways of approaching that situation and figure out different options of being upfront with someone before either they or you get hurt."
"Oh, so were role playing?" Alex begins to feel her confidence return, getting more comfortable teasing the blonde.
Piper's eyebrow raises up, choosing to ignore the sexual connotation.
"Okay so let's practice, realistically, try to come up with a way that you could be upfront with.. A woman.. and also still achieve your… other goals.
Alex smiles at Piper's barely noticeable pauses.
"So just to clarify, you want me to try to find a way to tell a girl I'm not interested in something long term, but I'd still like to have casual sex? And do so in a way that I won't be rejected?"
"Well, if that's what you truly want, then yes. If you say you never want to get married, you should practice telling that in a more positive way to the women you meet. I think it's a bit of a challenge for you because women do have tendencies to want commitment more than men.
Let's be honest, you could throw a stone into a crowd and hit 20 people, regardless of gender, that would love to have sex with you,"
She pauses, regret of her choice in words instantly crosses her expression.
"But, if that crowd is made up of single women, who also like women, the chances that you find probably even one or two that would be totally on board for that would be slim. And I don't mean that because I think its abnormal, I say it because I would be willing to bet that majority of those 20 women generally will want commitment at some point. They might be fine with it for a few months, or even a few years. I think at some point, if you don't make your intentions crystal clear from the start, it's going to end badly because they will be under the wrong impression, being that, one day you might want it."
Piper explains as eloquently as she can as she rambles on.
"I definitely see your point, okay, so lets try this out." Alex agree's.
"Okay, so you've just met a woman that you're interested in and you're about to engage her for the first time, what do you say?" Piper asks as she props her elbows on her thighs and rests her chin on her fist. The position causes her shirt to fall forward, revealing white lace to Alex.
Piper notices the green eyes opened a little wider and her gaze intently pointed downward. Without thinking, she glances down to meet Alex's eyeline. The younger woman notices her blouse is more open than she realized and she immediately straightens herself, feeling a little blush rise onto her cheeks. She clears her throat and tries not to think about how it felt to have Alex see her like that. She pushes down the thought of how fixated Alex was for a brief second.
"I think it would be easier to be able to practice with a real conversation." Alex smiles smugly.
"Would you mind?" she asks in the most innocent tone she can muster.
Piper blinks a few times, considering the request and tries to compose herself.
"Uh, sure. Okay so, we're at a…." She trails off, wondering what setting Alex would find herself picking up women.
"Well, bars are easy pick up for casual sex, but if I find someone at like… the library lets say, that would be a good place to use this tactic." Alex fills in the blanks.
"Okay, so I'm here, in the library, reading a book I found from the romance mystery section." Piper nods, giving que to Alex to try to hit on her. She grabs the closest book to her that happens to be a personal favorite. She reads it in between clients for her own guilty pleasure.
Alex smirks… She lifts her black rimmed glasses upward to pull back her hair and rests them on the crown of her head.
"Well, this is a bit weird, but Hi, I'm Alex, I couldn't help but notice that book you're reading, is there any chance you have any recommendations for romance mystery novels? I love to read but I hate investing my time into a poorly written book." Alex leans forward, engaging into Piper fully.
The blonde struggles to reply evenly. She subconsciously darts her tongue out to wet her now noticeably dry lips.
"Uh, sure, I have a lot of favorites, I could write them down for you if you'd like."
Piper smiles and continues. "Oh, but I don't have a paper or pen…" She improvises, clearly ignoring then pen and notebook beside her.
"Oh, no worries, would you be okay with texting them to me? And then I could follow up and see if your recommendations live up to the expectations." She throws in a playful smile, causing the blonde to return the gesture.
Piper continues their pretend, waiting for Alex to get to the part of the scenario that she can practice what she would like.
She pull outs her phone but without opening it, she indicates she's ready for the taller woman's number.
"Don't you need to open your phone in order to take my number miss?" Alex challenges with a devilish smile.
Piper opens her mouth to reply, but nothing comes out. She nods and unlocks her home screen and finds contact app. She creates a new one quickly, filling in Alex's name before making eye contact once again.
"Okay, its 727...487...9303…" Alex smiles. "And I'm Alex. Alex Vause." She holds out a hand toward Piper which she accepts.
The feeling of Alex's cool hands against her warm ones cause a shiver to roll down her spine. They linger for a moment longer than normal before Alex lets go.
"It's nice to meet you…."
"Piper." the blonde replies.
"Piper." Alex repeats.
"You know, this might be a bit forward Alex, but if you want, we can grab some coffee and discuss that book list in more detail..." Piper prompts her, giving her mild tone of seduction to help make things progress easier.
"That sounds better than anything I've done all week. I do just need to say though, I don't want you to get the wrong impression, I would love to get to know you more but I'm not currently or actually ever looking for more than just… knowing someone reaaaally well, if you know what I mean." Alex smiles awkwardly, not used too being so nervous.
"Well, Alex, I'm flattered you think I would like to know you more intimately, and perhaps we will, but we've just met…"
"Oh I know, I prefer to be upfront as I can, miscommunication can be a nasty thing." Alex adds simply. She ignores the pressure in her stomach at the thought of Piper getting to know her more… intimately..
"I appreciate the honesty, it can be a hard quality to find. How about we walk to the cafe just down the block together?" Piper adds with an adorable smile.
"That sounds wonderful Piper." Alex concludes their roleplaying.
"See?" It was a little odd, but with more practice, I'm certain you'll have a better feel for how to approach it. Each woman is different and I'm sure I don't need to explain the art of adjusting yourself to each personality you encounter.
"No, I am very familiar with that aspect, but you're right, that felt kind of good to just put it out there and not have to worry how I'm going to bring it up after I've already made them fall in love with me" Alex throws a hugely conceited smile at Piper.
"I'm glad, see we just met and were making progress already." Piper adds. "So we have about 15 minutes left of your session, I just wanted to ask you a few details about your life, just to see if I can put some pieces together, if that's okay with you."
"Sure, go for it."
"Well, for starters, could you tell me about your parents?" The young therapist picks up her pen and notebook again, smiling encouragingly at Alex.
"Hm, well, I'm really close with my mom. She raised me by herself and worked 3 jobs at the same time to support us. She's my best friend and I would do anything for her.
As for my father.. Well, I met him once last year." Alex goes quiet.
"How did that go?" Piper urges more details from the raven haired woman. Alex hands become restless, making patterns on her jeans, trying to self soothe herself.
"He's a strung out, has-been musician, and so when I approached him, he hit on me and when I informed him I was his child. He laughed and offered me some of his drugs."
"Oh…Alex, I'm so sorry, that's terrible." The blonde fights the urge to comfort her.
The taller woman shrugs indifferently.
"Eh, its fine, it was a learning experience. I always wondered what he'd be like and now I know I was better off without him. We both were better off without him." Alex forces a tight smile.
Piper changes the subject, trying to end on a lighter note.
"So, what about relationships? Are you in one now? How many have you been in and how long were they?"
Alex's eyebrow cocks upward.
"No, I'm not in one currently. And I've dated a little bit, nothing super serious. I don't really even know if I'd consider half of them actual relationships. Casual is the way I prefer it. No strings attached."
"Have you ever thought maybe you don't like strings because of what happened with your father?"
"How do you mean?" Alex asks curiously. Normally, she wouldn't let someone probe so far into her feelings and past but, she knew that being here was the whole point, to make progress.
"Well, if you think about it, what is one big string that is normally reaaally hard to break? Pretty permanent actually." Piper responds, setting down her notebook.
Alex thinks for a moment but doesn't follow the blonde's train of thought.
"A kid maybe? You have a kid with someone, and that's a string that isn't going away. You can't just break up with them. Obviously some choose to pretend the string doesn't exist, but that doesn't mean it's not there."
Alex nods in realization, agreeing.
"So, here your parents are, they have you and what is supposed to be an unbreakable bond, is.. well.. Broken. Thats hard. Especially for kids who are just learning the world as they go, they can't possibly comprehend why there dad isn't there when other kids' dads are."
"My mom explained it to me, she never tried to hide it. She did her best to speak positively of him so I wouldn't be resentful." Alex replies.
"And in my own personal opinion, I don't think there is a better way then that to handle this type of situation. As a parent, you do your best to protect your kids and your mom chose to be honest about it. Either way, it doesn't take away the hurt that you feel and although you have an explanation of the events, you still didn't understand the feelings behind it." Piper continues in a soothing voice.
"I think you adapted to it really well. From what it sounds like, your mom is a saint and I'd be willing to bet, tougher than nails. She's raised a genuinely amazing human by herself. I'm sure you weren't always able to have everything you wanted in life.."
"Shit, even things I needed, I just had to make due with what we had until I could get a job.." alex interjects
"Exactly." Piper responds. "So, naturally as any child would, you probably developed some level of trust issues. If the person who helped created you could be so absent from your life and be that much of a let down, what's stopping the person you fall madly in love with from leaving too?" Piper offers rhetorically.
"I guess I didn't really think of that way. And thanks for thinking I'm amazing. Although I don't know that I live up to that hype." Alex looks down at her shoes.
"Oh, I have no doubts about that. I just met you and I'm already amazed, I can't imagine how much more that will grow as I learn more about you… well, of course if you choose to continue sessions with me. I understand not everyone is good fit and it is completely up to you if and when you choose to return." Piper smiles.
"I think it's a great fit. I'm not sure how often I should come though. On a scale one to ten, where does my fucked-up-ness fall?" Alex chuckles to herself.
"Maybe at most, a one. I've seen a lot of crazy things Alex, please, you are like a breath of fresh air." Piper smiles widely.
She knows she's giving more compliments that she normally would to a client, but she knows Alex could use a little self esteem boost and nothing she says is a stretch from the truth.
"That's very kind of you Piper, should I come back again this week or next week?" Alex ask as she gets ready to leave the office.
"That's up to you, I'd love to see you again this week to continue our progress. I'm pretty flexible on days and times so you tell me what works best for you and I'll find you a spot." Piper grabs her phone for her client calendar.
"Friday afternoon?" Alex asks
"I have an earlier appointment at 2pm or I can go as late at you need if your schedule permits."
Alex grins to herself, she decides to be a little bold
. "What time is your last appointment of the day?"
Piper glances up at her, suspicious of her smile and line of questioning.
"Hmm, I have a client at 6."
"Can I come at 7?" The raven haired woman asks as she stands.
"Sure, I'll put you in." Piper types quickly into her phone.
"Oh, Alex, before you leave, I'm usually able to be reached best by texting, if something comes up on either of our ends, we can exchange numbers and just let the other know." Piper adds as she walks Alex to the door.
"Well, you have mine already, assuming you actually saved it. I just need yours, you can just send a text so I have it."
"Sounds good, I'll see you Friday Alex, have a goodnight!" Piper watches Alex walk through the waiting area to the exit door.
"Looking forward to it already Piper." Alex replies before disappearing into the dark street.
PIper smiles and lets out a sigh. She tries her best to avoid thinking about Alex's eyes. The way they studied her every move. The way the green orbs darkened during bits of their session when an accidental-sexual comment arised. She enjoyed the calmness Alex brought with her and she immediately felt like something was missing in her office now that she was gone. Piper felt more nervous that she did before. She glanced at her phone.
'Okay, get it together. It's Tuesday, she's a client. She's just interesting. You shouldn't be so anxious for Friday to get here.' She chanted silently to herself.
The blonde let out another sigh before deciding to do a little internet digging on her new client.
A/N: Hi guys! I had this idea in my head for a while and although its been a long time since I've written any Vauseman fics. This one just interested me and after seeing a few positive reviews on one of my other smaller stories I just updated, I figured I would just write this one and post it! If you guys like it and want more, please review and let me know what you think! I wanted to have it a little slower burn instead of jumping right into being inlove, although we all know thats where we always end up haha!
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!
