My Regret
A/N-Since Eren is normally 15 years younger than Levi, I decided to change their ages, you'll understand why. So, in this story they will be 5 years apart. Levi is 31, Eren 26.
Chapter 1
You can dwell on what was, or what is. You're the only person that can ever answer that. Eren had always pondered on that question every time it was asked to him. Comparing how things were, and how you want them to be. It all matters on your actions. One's actions speak louder than words. But, choosing the right words for the right moment was difficult. One slip up, could ruin all happiness obtained in one's life. The boy had finally gotten what he wanted. Freedom from his abusive father, love of his timid mother, undying loyalty from his sister, and the love of another person.
Yes, this is what he always dreamed about. Having all the right essentials in his life. That is, until one sentence from someone he loved dearly destroyed it all.
Eren never had the best life to begin with. Abusive father and his afraid, absent, workaholic mother. The only person he constantly had around was his babysitter. His father, Grisha, was a successful doctor with a horrible temper and drinking problem. Almost every night he would come home hammered, either beating him or his mother. Carla, a beautiful woman, one who held love for anyone in need, worked at the hospital with his father. She did tend to work at different hours, and sometimes going at work together. She often took late shifts at the hospital whenever they were short staffed. The woman nearly worked herself to death everyday, The amount of debt that they secretly had was frightening. Slowly getting paid off day by day. It was never uncommon for them to end up selling some of their things. They did need the money, after all.
On a trip with his father, to some other small town he had never been to before. Several people had warned them about some bandits being out. Taking that into consideration, the two proceeded with caution. Arriving at the home, his father forgot something back at town, he left Eren some place a bit far off from the home, he went back into town. The boy recalled every thing vividly, he remembered hearing a scream somewhere a bit far from where he stood. He ran, and saw two men walking into a small cabin. Approaching it, he saw through the window, the two men and a small Asian girl tied up on the ground. Pulling out the small knife he got from his father, he knocked on the door, after that, he kill one of the men, freeing the girl, the other man attempted to strangle him. He screamed out for the girl to fight, and that was the only way she could ever live. He recalled he running up to the other man, and stabbing him in his back. Everything afterwards was his father coming to the small cabin with two soldiers from the Military Police. Through the questioning he learned the girl's name. Mikasa. Her parents were murdered before her eyes earlier. Since she was the only Asian girl in their community, she was to be sold as a sex slave. Eren remembered seeing her crying, wondering where she would go now. The boy offered her to come with them. Taking off his red scarf, he haphazardly wrapped it around her, taking her hand, and going home together. Years, later, they ended up moving into a much bigger community.
Honestly, Eren could never imagine a life without her. He can probably guarantee if he didn't have his two friends, Mikasa and Armin, who knows what would have become of him as he grew up? But, he managed through.
When he turned 17, his mother finally divorced his father. Unfortunately or fortunately, he never saw the man again. His mother began to regain all her confidence, being more present and involved in his life. Through high school, he made more friends, had several relationships and so forth. Upon graduation, he received a scholarship, along with Amrin and Mikasa, the three would be attending the same college, as would his other friends. He would be going to school for a teacher.
On his nineteenth birthday, his friends, namely horse face, Jean, took him out to a night club. To unwind and forget about everything, it was spring break at the college after all, he did all his studying and was in great shape in school, so, what the hell? What could one night out do anyway? Half way through the night, a stern faced looking gentlemen, came over and sat down next to him, introducing himself as Levi. The man was certainly a catch, treating Eren and himself to several drinks, two hours later, he offered Eren to come back to his place. The brunette didn't hesitate and accepted.
Who could have ever known that one night would lead to something more. The morning after their night together, Levi had told Eren he wanted to meet up together again, for coffee at the local shop, you know, get to know each other better, personality wise, and not physically, something that the raven already had a taste of.
One date, became two, a week became a month, and soon, they were officially together. Refusing to let the other go. In the time they got to know the other, Eren found out his lover worked at an important business company his close friend, Erwin, owned. He'd also met his crazy scientist friend, Hanji, and his adopted sister, Petra. His parents were only briefly mentioned, his mother living in France, his father passed away when he was younger, no more talk came about them. Eren never asked either, he could already see the matter was incredibly personal.
He shared things about his life too. His mother constantly working, but, a present, kind mother to him. How his father once went on a business trip and never came back, nor was anything know about his ever again. He figured it was because of the divorce with his mother. How he met Mikasa, much time before his father left. He also didn't talk much about his father, but, shared tid bits about him every so often. All his friends, and wanting to become a teacher.
As you can easily imagine, the two were immensely happy. Especially Levi. The man never foresaw himself with anyone ever. But, a certain shitty brat brunette changed his entire outlook on love. He had originally thought it was someone clinging to you all day, every day. Only to come to the conclusion, that it was both people who would end up doing that. Not necessarily cling, per say, but, he did feel his heart and chest warm whenever Eren would smile at him. He never thought someone other than his sister, friends and mother could do something like that for him. But, Eren had quickly become a large part of himself. The part he thought would never be filled. Life works like that, yeah?
So, here Eren was sitting in the doctor's office. He was no longer the young, naive nineteen year old anymore. He was a strong hearted, brave, 21 year old adult.
In the 2 years that he and Levi had been together, so much had happened for the boy. He experienced love, real love for the first time in his life. Not those silly flings he had when he was younger. The type of love that leaves you yearning for the others touch, love, smile, and voice. Only to be aimed at you. Eren knew this relationship was serious. He never thought that it could be. Given how he and Levi had met in a bar, had one erotic night together, he never thought something more could ever come from it. On their one year anniversary the two had begun sleeping together, sharing each other's bed more times than they could count...and other surfaces they would dare not say, namely Eren, considering Levi had no shame about sharing his sex life with the brunette.
There was just one problem, though. Last week things had gotten rather heated quickly, leading them to forget protection. So, here Eren was, sitting at the doctor's, hoping that nothing happened. He didn't really mind if he were to be told he was pregnant, question was, would Levi? The man was so stern faced, strict, blunt, and busy. How could a child fit in one's life, especially one like that?
The boy was shaking like a leaf in his seat. Clenched fists in his lap, nails threatening to tear the skin. His bangs did a marvelous job with hiding his face. Several people noticed his odd behavior, but, chose to ignore it.
"Eren Jeager."
He looked up at the mention of his name. A nurse stood holding the door open with a smile on her face. Gulping silently, he stood and followed the nurse.
Eren sat in his apartment, in complete silence. He had arrived at his home 20 minutes ago, he hadn't made a single movement since then. The ripped envelope in one hand, results in the other. He sighed, placing the papers on the table, setting his head into his hands.
He didn't know how he would tell Levi. The man was so busy all this month. The two had barely seen each other at all.
The boy lifted his head suddenly. 'No, Levi would happily accept the child. It was something the both of us created from our lovemaking.'
Eren quickly texted Levi, saying that he needed to talk to him about something important. He gained a message back, saying he had a 2 hour lunch break. He did have time for him.
Taking the paper, placing back in the envelope, he grabbed his keys and made his way to Levi's work.
"Ah, Eren. It's nice to see you again. I assume you're here to see Mr. Ackerman?" Sakura, Levi's secretary greeted him. She sat in her usual spot by his lover's door, typing away on her computer, she only stopped to greet him.
The boy smiled. "Yeah. He and I haven't seen each other as of late. I figured we should while he has time right now."
She nodded, smiling. "Certainly right." She picked up her phone. "I'll let him know you're here." Eren nodded, a small thank you escaping his lips. He looked around the lobby, admiring the fish tank, portraits on the wall, and looked outside the windows, seeing how high up they were.
"Eren." He turned around, facing the secretary. "Mr. Ackerman would love to see you now."
"Thank you."
Levi placed all his paperwork down. Shit was giving him a fucking headache right now. He sighed. The man wasn't able to see his lover in a while. He was certainly happy when Eren sent him a message saying he wanted to talk to him. It must have been something for his teaching degree. Things that were important. They mainly involved that. He leaned back in his chair, taking off his blazer, and rolling up his sleeves, he waited for his lover to come in.
He closed his eyes for a moment, hearing the door quietly opening, he knew Eren had walked in. With his eyes closed, the boy must have assumed he was asleep. Quiet footsteps came up to him, stopping right by his side. He cracked one grey eye open, smiling when Eren was slightly startled.
"Gotcha, brat."
Eren pouted, making Levi chuckle. He got up and out of his seat, wrapping an arm around the boy's waist, bringing him in for a kiss. Pulling away, he smiled. "Now, what was so important that we had to talk about?"
The brunette pulled the the envelope out from his jacket, handing it to his lover. Levi raised a brow, wondering what it was the boy was handing to him. He took the envelope, seeing that it read something from the clinic. He felt a sense of panic, why would his lover be going to the clinic? He didn't appear to be sick, nor having anything wrong with him really.
He opened the envelope, unfolding the paper that was inside. He carefully read it. As he finished, his face drained of all color, his eyes wide. Eren stood there watching the raven's reaction.
"Y-You're pregnant...?"
He nodded his head, his green eyes watching as Levi set the paper on his desk, walking over to the window, looking out of it.
"L-Levi...are you alright...?"
"I don't want a baby, Eren."
Eren's heart stopped as he heard those words, they pierced through his very being. "W-What?"
The elder turned around, looking at his young lover with an emotionless face, his voice void of any emotion, more so than usual. "I said that I don't want a baby, Eren. It would only be more of a burden on my part."
Tan hands clenched into fists. "A burden?"
"Yes, it would be a burden. You know how busy I am, and if I couldn't spend much time with you, what makes you think that I would make time for that brat. It's not happening, Eren. I'm a businessman, not a damn dad. I'm not cut out to be one." He pointed at Eren. "And neither are you. For gods sake's, you're still in college, and I'm at the peak of my career. I'm not throwing that all away because I have to look after some kid." He sighed, pushing back some of his hair from his face. "I knew I shouldn't have slept with you last time. Then I wouldn't have to worry about you being knocked up. Things would still be the same."
"So, you're practically saying that it was my fault that I'm pregnant?"
"If you want to call it that, yes."
Eren lowered his head. "Well, I damn well know that I didn't get this way on my own." He lifted his head up again. "Are you completely certain this is what you want?"
Levi nodded, leaning on his desk. "Yes, I don't want a kid. And I'm pretty damn sure, I don't want one anytime soon. So, come on." He straightened himself up. "Get rid of the kid and every thing will be back to normal between us. After you do that, we never speak of this again."
"No."
The raven raised a brow. "No, what?"
"I'm not getting rid of this baby." Eren placed a hand on his stomach. "It's a life growing inside of me, and there is no way in hell that I will ever get rid of it. In fact, since you so clearly stated that you don't want this baby, one we both created, I'm ending this relationship and raising this baby on my own."
"Come on, Eren. Stop throwing a little fit. It's not suited for someone your age."
"It's not a fit, Levi. I'm ending this fucking relationship. I'm not staying with someone that would reject his own baby."
Steel grey eyes widened. "You can't be serious."
The boy nodded. "I'm more than serious, Levi."
A moment of silence struck the room. Finally after several unpleasant moments, the raven spoke. "Fine. If you're so dead set on raising that baby. Then, get out. I don't want to see you either. Since you think that baby is more important than the person you love."
Hesitating for a second, Eren picked up the envelope and paper, putting them back in his jacket. "This baby will always be more important." He began walking, he stopped for a moment, letting his hand rest on the knob. "Also my baby is more important than you, because I don't love you, I hate you." With that, the brunette walked out, slamming the door in the process.
A week had passed since the unpleasant meeting with Levi about this baby. Eren stayed home constantly, he had informed his school that he was with child, the college understood completely, letting him know that it was alright to take a leave from school for the time being, he did however sign up for online classes, so, he would continue towards his teaching degree.
His mother and sister had come over and told them he was expecting a child, they were both happy that he would be having a child, but, he did get a little scolding since he should have waited until he was done with school and married. He also let them know Levi wanted nothing to do with the baby, saying it would only burden him, and keep him distracted from his work. Eren and his mother, Carla, literally had to hold back Mikasa from going to Levi's office and killing the man, no matter how much the boy felt he deserved it, he also knew that it would do no good.
He was slowly coping with the fact that he would be a single parent to his child, but, felt a bit relieved at that. He knew that having someone else with him might think different about how he would be raising his baby, and all the constant thoughts of wondering if he could trust someone else with his child. He did after all have his friends, Christa, a close friend, was completely excited for him, saying that she would take care of the baby whenever he couldn't. Eren felt happy to know that his friends all wanted to help him in raising a baby. Besides, out of all his friends, he could only really trust Christa, Mikasa, Marco, Bertholt and Armin.
Sitting in his apartment one afternoon, Eren barely finished up one of his assignments for his classes. He heard a knock on the door. He raised a brow, checking his phone. He didn't get any messages of calls. He sighed, one of his friends must have come over on a whim again, more than likely Christa, coming to check up on how he was doing. Getting up, he left his office, the doorbell ringing. "I'm coming!" He called. Unlocking his door, he opened it, his green eyes going wide.
Levi looked up when the door to Eren's apartment door opened. He gave a small smile. "Hey, Eren."
The boy narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"
"I came here to talk to you." With a reluctant nod of his head, Eren stepped aside and allowed Levi inside. In all honestly, the raven expected him to slam the door in his face.
The elder walked into the living room, waiting for Eren to come in. He took a seat in the arm chair. The boy came in, sitting down across from him in the couch. "Why did you come here?"
Levi sighed. "Eren. I know that I hurt you badly, and no amount of words can ever express how sorry that I am about what I said. But, you also have to understand, I can't handle a child right now."
Eren shrugged. "Neither could I. But, I'm making adjustments in my life to make it happen. I'm taking online classes now, learning more about how to take care of a child, Christa is helping me learn more about how to make a nursery, All the guys pitched in and bought the baby a crib, and playpen. All of them even gave me some of their old toys they thought that the baby would enjoy. Levi." He looked at the other male straight in the eyes. "They have all helped out way more that you ever could have."
The raven got up from his seat, going over and taking Eren's hands in his own. "Eren, please, things can go back the way they were if you don't have this child. We can be together again, you can finish college, and someday, when I feel my company is in good shape-" He was cut off by the boy slipping his hands out of his grasp.
"Wait, wait, when you feel your company is in good shape. Levi, really, is that all you care about? A stupid company?"
"That stupid company has made my life better, and if weren't for that stupid company, and exhausting me on that night, we would have never met, Eren. Think about this. It has brought us many good things."
"For you, maybe. But, for me, it's only taken up all your time and made you leave me alone, and suffer because of it. You won't accept the child because you feel it would burden you, since you already have enough work as it is."
"But, Eren-"
The brunette shook his head. "You know, Levi. I don't want to hear your excuses. Just leave, and never come look for me. I'll be busy raising my child and having a happy career as a teacher. You can continue to work at your company, seeing as that's all you care about."
Levi sighed. "If that's what you want, Eren. I will. But, know, that I love you." He lowered his head, walking out of the apartment and Eren's life.
Eren sat on his couch, tears falling from his eyes. He gently rubbed his flat stomach. "I promise I will love you and raise you to the best of my ability. You'll have a lot of aunts and uncles..." His voice drained out from his sobs. Knowing now, Levi would never be there again.
End of Chapter 1.
