SOBER
Another bottle drops to the floor as Lena finishes it off
Drinking to drown all her sorrow and pain that she hides from the world
That she hides from the literal embodiment of sunshine that is her best friend
That she hides from herself until the night comes. The night that suffocates her when she's all alone..
After she leaves work... After Kara heads home for the night and all the demons that she hides from are strong enough to emerge
Tell her that she's nothing.. They tell her that Kara is just nice and that all the things she says about her are lies.. And she believes them.. She always believes them
She opens another bottle and starts drinking... She knows if she keeps on like this she'll hurt herself.. She doesn't care
No one does.. She knows this
Thats why she drinks..
To numb the pain
"I got no excuses.. for all of theae goodbyes.. call me when its over cause im dying inside."
She yearns to call Kara.. To reach for her phone and dial a number she knows to well
But she knows Kara is asleep.. Its 3 in the morning and she's had 5 bottles of tequila
She can't remember what time she started drinking but if she had to guess shed say after Kara left around 9 maybe 10
Kara has an early day tomorrow.. Lena doesnt have to be at work.. She's the ceo she can do whatever
"wake me when the shakes are gone, and the cold sweats disappear call me when its over and myself has reappeared"
downing the 6th bottle she starts feeling sick but she doesnt want to stop drinking
Her tolerance for alcohol is high.. She's been doing this a while and no one knows.. Not like they care
She knows she's drunk, she knew she was gonna get drunk that's why she put her phone in her room and plopped on the couch.. So shed be to woozy to get up and text/call Kara
But as if being summoned.. Supergirl/ kara shows up on Lena's balcony just as lena opens bottle number 8...7? Eh..
"Youcan come in Supergirl.." Lena says before she takes her first drink of the newly opened bottle sluring her words a bit.
"... Hey I saw your light on... Its late are you okay?"
Yes lena knows kara is supergirl she isnt stupid
"Fine.. You can leave now" lena says taking yet another drink
Its then that Kara looks at the table with all the bottles empty on it, then to lena laying on her couch, then to the floor with the 5 other bottles waiting to be opened
"Lena.." She says with softness in her voice
But lena knows its fake
The demons know its fake
It makes her angry that someone could do easily pretend to be her friend
It makes her angry that she fell for someone that doesn't love her back
Anger makes her drink so she doesnt feel the emotion... She hates anger.. So again she drinks from the bottle in her hand
"i dont know why I do it everytime its o ly when im lonely... Sometimes i just wanna cave in I dont wanna fight i try and i try and i try and i try just hold me.. im lonely"
She doesn't know what happens or what inside her snaps.. Maybe it was seeing kara standing there looking at her so sadly as if she just wanted to help me but she broke..
"Kara.." Lena says but it comes out like a sob "I'm so so sorry"
Kara doesnt even flinch that Lena says her real name.. She just strides to the couch and lifts lena up to get behind her and hold her
"Its okay.. Shh" she soothes lena while lena just breaks down "what's wrong lee please tell me"
"I'm just so.. Everything... I feel everything all at once and its too much.." Lena says
She doesnt know how to tell Kara that voices in her head make her feel so hated by the world.. by her.. The one person in her life that she truly loves..
"What do you mean you feel everything?" kara asks
"I feel so hated by Everyone by myself... By you.. I can't stand feeling hated by you Kara.. It kills me inside.." She says letting it out "its like demons just whisper all these things in my head and I have no choice but to believe them because there's no one around to tell me otherwise and all I wanna do is drink because it makes me feel so numb.."
The room becomes silent as Kara doesnt speak.. She just strokes Lenas hair in a soothing motion.. So comforting lena starts to fall asleep
"I'll stay with you then.. Every night I'll be here so those demons can't tell you these lies about me hating you.." kara says "I love you too much to hate you Lena.. Dont you ever think I hate you" she continues, affirming her feelings for lena by turning lena face towards hers and kissing her
Lena ofcourse kisses her back before Kara picks her up and puts her to bed
Lena thinks kara is going to leave but she just gets in bed cuddling her.. They both fall asleep together
"im sorry that im here again.. I promise Ill get help... it wasnt my intention im sorry to myself"
