A/N: Hi, there! New story time. My other two stories are pretty fluffy and happy, so I wanted to do something a little darker.

In canon, Jacob and Bella's mysterious connection was severed when he imprinted on Renesmee. This is one possible path they might have taken if Bella had been changed before becoming pregnant. With her newborn vampire emotions intensifying everything she felt in her human life, she continues to struggle against warring feelings for her husband and her former best friend. Basically, I wanted an excuse to write some semi-believable vampire/werewolf smut which expanded into a dark, emotional tale of friendship, longing, and the price of immortality.

Post Breaking Dawn AU. Rated M for lemons and language. If you only like reading fluffy HAE stories, this may not be for you. (May I point you in the direction of my other two stories? ;)

Warning: This story isn't exactly Team Edward friendly. If you are offended by the idea of Bella being unfaithful to Edward, this may not be your cup of tea.

Chapter 1: The Ghost of You

I'd been so eager to become a vampire, I guess I'd just assumed starting a new existence would put an end to all my old problems.

Turns out, easy outs and magic bullets don't exist, even in the supernatural world.

Don't get me wrong. I love being a vampire. From the moment I opened my new eyes and really saw the world around me for the first time, I've known I was born for this existence.

No longer am I the clumsy, awkward girl who never completely fit in anywhere. Now, I have a family and a husband I love. What more could I possibly ask for?

Thankfully, the notorious newborn phase hasn't turned out to be as difficult for me as Edward feared. My bloodlust has been relatively easy to master, even on day one. Edward hypothesized that this is one of my supernatural gifts.

Yes, I miss Charlie and Renee, but I had expected that, accepted it as the price of my eternal happiness.

The only unforeseen downside to my idyllic new life is the one thing I had been counting on my transition to take away: my feelings for Jacob Black.

I'd once thought, in my naiveté, that consummating my relationship with Edward would put a rest to the confusing feelings I had for Jacob once and for all, but I've never been more wrong.

Why I'd ever thought becoming a newborn vampire, with all my previous emotions magnified many times over, would help is beyond me. Even the fact that my former best friend was now my natural enemy didn't seem to lessen the strange pull I felt towards him. If anything, it was stronger now than it had been when I was human.

The first several months were bearable. The novelty of exploring my physical relationship with Edward without hesitation or fear kept me occupied. But, all too soon, I found my traitorous mind wondering what it would have been like with Jacob.

I could tell Edward wondered why I got quiet sometimes, twisting the delicate, carved wolf that dangled from my wrist carefully between my fingers. He never asked, and I didn't volunteer any information. Every minute of every day, he watched me like a hawk, studying me like a caged rat in a lab. Not that this was anything new, but the way it made me feel was. Edward's undivided attention used to be a compliment; now, it was starting to bug me.

A year-and-a-half into my new life, I made a decision. Charlie had called the previous evening, and the unmasked emotion in his voice as he told me how desperately he missed me had struck a chord. I missed my dad. I don't know how I had ever thought I could stay away from him forever.

Edward tried to stop me, but I wouldn't be swayed. I was going to visit Charlie. I was better at controlling my thirst than anyone had expected. There was no doubt in my mind that I could visit Charlie without putting him in danger.

If I had an ulterior motive for wanting to visit Forks, I refused to admit it, even to myself. When Edward tried to insist on accompanying me, I flatly refused, arguing that I wanted some alone time with my dad and that Edward, who always seemed to put Charlie on edge, would just get in the way.

Truth be told, I really wanted some alone time, period. I loved my husband. I truly did, but sometimes I craved the once familiar feeling of simply existing without any eyes on me. I hadn't felt it since before the wedding, and, frankly, I was becoming a little desperate.

The familiar guilt washed over me as I said goodbye to Edward. I could tell my nonchalance at being separated from him for a week was hurting him. If he had it his way, I would never leave his sight again for the rest of eternity. I would miss him, of course. A gaping emptiness opened up inside me as soon as I left his side, but this was something I needed to do.

Charlie was beyond happy to see me. He was even more pleased to see that Edward wasn't with me.

The house was exactly as I'd left it. Even my childhood bedroom was untouched. It was a strange feeling to recognize my own human scent lingering on every surface, almost like the girl who used to live here might walk through the door at any moment. I never fully realized how much I missed her until then.

I waited until I heard soft snores coming from Charlie's room to slip out the window into the soft grass outside.

The woods at night were beyond beautiful. I was still awed by the knowledge of how much my human eyes had missed. Everything glowed emerald green in the silvery moonlight. How had I ever thought there was too much green here? It was stunning.

I let my senses take over, awakening to the sounds and smells of the forest. There was a herd of elk not too far off, but I was looking for more dangerous prey. Dangerous to humans, anyway. It was incredibly liberating to no longer have anything to fear.

I was just closing in on a mountain lion when another scent surprised me, and I spun around, teeth bared and ready for a fight. It was a scent I'd never encountered before, yet I knew instantly what it was. Like being trapped in a hot vehicle with a wet dog. Werewolf.

Almost faster than even my vampire eyes could detect, the massive creature was on me, pressing me into the blanket of ferns that covered the forest floor. It snarled as I shoved with both hands and feet at its bulk, throwing it off of me and into a nearby tree, which splintered and came crashing down under the force of the blow. Before the wolf could regain its footing, I was there, pinning it to the ground with one hand on its muzzle and the other wrapped around its front paws.

"Please, stop. I don't want to hurt you," I spoke as gently as I could before the breath was stolen right out of my lungs. It took only a millisecond for my brain to recognize the russet color of the fur beneath my fingers, the deep black eyes starting back at me, the subtle whiff of a scent once achingly familiar beneath the distinctive werewolf stench. My heart had been still and silent for over a year, but I could have sworn I felt it stir.

"Jacob?" I whispered, gently releasing him from my hold.

He was on his feet in a flash, and those dark eyes, far too intelligent to look at home in an animal's face, locked with mine. I saw the light of recognition dawn as he started backing up into the trees, whimpering pitifully like he was being beaten. He stumbled a little before righting himself —Jacob never stumbled anymore — and disappeared into the dense woods.

"Wait!" I called after him, running full speed in the direction he'd gone. He was faster than me, but I pushed harder, following the trail of his scent.

I wondered how close I was getting to the treaty line, but charged ahead anyway. After all, the treaty was probably null and void now. My very existence was proof of that.

A sand-colored wolf appeared in the distance, and I stopped short. He didn't seem aggressive, just curious, as he placed his large form between me and Jacob's trail.

"Seth?" I asked. My memories of that day in the clearing were fuzzy, as many human memories were now, but I knew this wolf.

He nodded once, still looking me over appraisingly.

"Is anyone else out here?"

After a moment's hesitation, the Seth-wolf shook his head.

"Can Jacob hear me now?"

He shook his head "no."

"Please, Seth, let me go to him. I would never hurt him. I swear."

Seth deliberated for a half-second that felt like hours to me, looking back and forth between my face and the direction of Jacob's scent trail. Finally, he nodded, stepping aside to let me pass.

"Thank you," I breathed as I flashed by him, all five senses trained on the path ahead.

Through the dense greenery, I could make out Jacob's familiar frame in the distance. He was kneeling in a small clearing, looking down at something clutched in his trembling hands. A second later I was close enough to see what it was: a framed picture of me when I was human. If my blood were still flowing through my veins, it would have turned to ice as I identified the shape Jacob was kneeling in front of.

Isabella Marie Swan, the inscription read, Beloved friend and daughter.

I was looking at my own tombstone.

The writing was beautifully carved, but not precise enough to have been done by a machine. Jacob must have done it himself. My silent heart shattered at the mental image of him hunched over that sad hunk of rock with hammer and chisel, carving my name as he laid his memories of me to rest.

I knew the moment he became aware of my presence behind him because he visibly flinched.

"Get away from me, leech," he spat through clenched teeth, keeping his eyes focused on the picture in his hands.

"Jacob, it's me," I whispered, my hands reaching out to him, wanting to offer comfort as the wind blew the salty smell of tears in my direction. "It's Bella."

His hand shot up as he hastily wiped the moisture from his eyes.

"Your voice sounds almost the same," he spoke, his tone holding a hint of wistfulness that lit a faint spark of hope inside me. He stood, turned. The mask I had once associated with "Sam's Jacob" slipped into place as he looked me up and down with hardened eyes. "But you're not Bella."

"I am, Jake," I plead, daring to take a step closer. "It's still me."

I observed the inner fight he was waging as I approached, careful to keep a slow, human pace. His body trembled like he was resisting the instinct to phase and tear me to pieces. I could hear the racing, faltering tempo of his heart and smell the adrenaline flooding his veins. He stepped back on one foot like he might turn and run while simultaneously reaching out to me like he would grab me up in one of his crushing hugs that I missed so much.

"Look." I tugged my sleeve up to show him the little wooden wolf charm that still dangled from my bracelet. "It's me, Jacob."

Slowly, I reached out, wrapping my fingers around the edge of the picture frame he held, their tips a mere hair's breadth away from brushing his.

"It's me," I repeated, lifting the picture between us.

His gaze flitted back and forth between the picture and my face, traveling over every inch of me but steadfastly refusing to meet my eyes. I froze as I saw his free hand rise, hovering in the charged air between us, before ever so gently brushing my hair back behind my ear.

A shuddering sigh escaped him, and, suddenly, I was crushed against his burning chest, the decadent warmth of his body enveloping me, seeping down into the very core of my being. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest, and the strangest feeling washed over me, like my dead heart was trying to restart, to beat in time with his.

I turned my head and rested it there, listening to the precious sounds of life inside him. In my peripheral vision, I saw him holding up the framed picture behind my back, as if to remind himself that it was me in his arms.

"Bella?" he sighed against my hair, and I felt a fresh tremor roll down his spine underneath my hands. "You're so cold. So hard."

"You're so warm," I whispered, breathing only enough to speak so I wouldn't inhale too much of his scent. "I can't even describe how incredible it feels."

My hands traced the long line of his spine down the dip of his lower back, and he jerked away from me like my touch had burned him. His eyes locked with mine now, and I shuddered to see the hatred in them, the disgust.

I had chosen this, I reminded myself. I had chosen to become the thing he hated most. It shouldn't hurt this much.

"Why are you here?" he demanded, his voice flat and menacing. "I never wanted to see you like this."

"You'd rather just pretend I was dead? Is that it?" I gestured toward the homemade headstone, tendrils of anger lashing out at me as his rejection, no matter how expected it had been, stung.

"Yes, dammit!" Jacob flung the picture in his hand against the stone, shattering the frame into a million pieces.

"Well, I'm not dead," I shot back, my hackles rising. "I'm here, and I'm happy, and I'm living my life the way I chose to. If you were ever really my friend, you would be happy for me."

My words seemed to take the wind out of his sails. He sighed deeply, his shoulders drooping as he reached down to retrieve my picture from the shards of shattered glass.

"Are you? Happy, I mean?" he asked, more to my picture than to me.

"I am," I answered firmly, reaching out to brush my fingers over his wrist.

He recoiled from my touch, taking a step back, out of my reach. "You should go."

"Jacob, please. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"Well, that's your problem, isn't it?" He took a deep breath, fighting to calm the trembling in his hands. "Look, you need to get back over to your side of the line. Sam and Jared will be starting their shifts soon, and I can't guarantee your safety if they catch you here."

I'd lived without Jacob in my life for almost two years now, yet the pain of saying goodbye to him was just as fresh as it had been after the battle with the newborns. But, this time, I couldn't cry.

"When can I see you again?" I heard myself asking, though his expression gave me little hope of a positive response.

"Bella, I don't…You know things can't be the same anymore."

I was about to argue when an urgent howl interrupted.

"You have to go. Now!" he cautioned, slipping the picture into his back pocket. "Hurry!"

I took one last, long look at his beautiful face, happy to have this new, fresh memory to draw on when the inevitable longing returned. At least he was concerned about what would happen if the other wolves caught me here. That had to mean something — that, on some level, he still knew it was me, his Bella.

"Bye, Jacob," I whispered sadly before sprinting in the opposite direction, afraid that if I lingered for even one more second I wouldn't be able to tear myself away.

"Bye, Bells."

His faint reply would have brought tears to my eyes if it were possible.

As I ran the rest of the way to Charlie's house, I resolved not to give up on Jacob, not yet. I didn't know exactly what I hoped to gain out of rekindling our friendship, but I knew I couldn't turn my back on him again. The past year-and-a-half had proven that time and distance had no effect on the pull I always felt towards him. He had fought so hard for me, all those long months ago. Now it was my turn to fight for him.

When I got back to the house, I called Edward. I avoided any mention of seeing Jacob and kept my voice carefully controlled, letting his soothing tones comfort me without giving him any indication that I needed comforting.

I felt a pang of longing for my husband's loving arms, and, for a brief moment, debated asking him to come join me. I decided that if I still felt this way tomorrow night, I would ask him then. Charlie should at least get one whole day with me to himself.

The next morning, I had breakfast and coffee waiting for Charlie when he came downstairs, dressed in his uniform.

"Good morning, kiddo," he greeted me cheerfully, digging into his bacon and eggs. "I sure have missed seeing your smiling face around here."

"Be honest, Dad. It's my cooking you've missed," I teased.

Charlie laughed. "I won't lie. I've missed that too."

We passed the rest of the morning in our usual companionable silence, which was like a breath of fresh air to me. Charlie didn't watch me like a hawk or constantly ask what I was thinking or if I needed anything. I could simply relax and be myself with him, and that thought made me yearn for the other person who had always made me feel that way, before.

As soon as the police cruiser turned out of the driveway, I dashed to the phone. My human memories might be hazy, but my fingers remembered the number to the Black residence as if I'd just dialed it for the last time yesterday. I squeezed my eyes shut as the phone began to ring, praying that it would be Jacob who answered and not Billy.

"Hello."

His voice sent little sparks of pleasure tingling through me, more intense than any butterflies I'd felt as a human.

"Jacob," I breathed, letting his name wash over me, warming me to the core like his embrace had done last night.

His response was a string of expletives, quieter, like he was holding the receiver away from his ear.

"Jake, wait! Please don't…"

The line went dead. He had hung up on me.

Despair crashed down as I placed the phone back in its cradle. I sunk down to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees in a gesture of defeat that felt foreign now, human.

The phone rang, and I was on my feet in less than a second, hope swelling inside me as I snatched up the receiver so quickly the cradle nearly fell from the wall.

"Jake?" I asked, waiting with bated breath, hoping and praying that it was him.

"Bella?"

I exhaled a relieved laugh as his voice reached me through the line. He sounded so hopeful, like he almost didn't believe it was actually me speaking. But it was me, and I was never going to disappear from his life again.

"Hey, Jake," I sighed, happiness infusing every fiber of my being. "Thank you for calling back."

"Sure, sure." Another wave of bliss washed over me at the familiar sound of his voice.

"God, Jake, I missed you so much. You have no idea."

"Well…you may be wrong about that, actually." The sadness in his tone tore at my heart.

"Do you want to come over?" I asked impulsively, nearly vibrating with excitement at the thought of seeing him again.

"Bells, I…I don't know if I'm ready for that." My heart sank. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

I closed my eyes against the radiating pulses of pain that sliced through me, still trying to get used to how much stronger my emotions were now.

"Okay, so…will you just talk to me for a while, then?" I offered, hoping with everything in me that he wouldn't say no.

An indecisive sigh came from the other end of the line, and there was a long pause before he answered.

"All right. What do you want to talk about?"

"Everything," I answered immediately. "Anything. Just…tell me everything that's been going on since…since I left."

"Well, let's see, um…I'm graduating in three months."

"Oh, yeah? That's great, Jake. What are your plans for after?"

"I'll be taking over as alpha so Sam can finally go to college. In a couple years, I'll hand it off to someone else and go."

That led to a discussion about what he planned to study — engineering — how he felt about being alpha soon, and how Sam and Emily were doing. He described their wedding for me in detail. It sounded idyllic: simple and intimate. The kind of wedding I would have wanted if I had planned my own.

We talked about friendly, mundane things. When he described the antics Quil and Embry had been up to lately, it felt just like old times in the garage. He told me Billy was about the same as when I left and that Charlie and Sue Clearwater had been spending a lot of time together. Apparently the gossip in the pack was that Charlie had been seen sneaking out of Sue's back door at all kinds of scandalous hours.

I laughed, making a mental note to subtly question Charlie about this later. It was nice to think that he hadn't been completely alone since I left.

Jacob didn't ask me many questions, and I volunteered little. When I did speak about myself, I tried to leave out as much about my marriage and transition as possible. I told him I planned to start college in the fall, leaving out the fact that it was Dartmouth and that Edward would be going too. I described the picturesque little town in northern Maine were we had been living for the past year, and he said he'd like to see it some time, though we both knew that would never happen.

We'd been on the phone for almost two hours when Jacob finally excused himself.

"I gotta go, Bells. Running late for school."

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry I made you late."

"Nah, you didn't," he replied. "I enjoyed catching up with you. Really, I did."

"Will you call me tomorrow?" I asked hesitantly, holding my breath while I waited for his answer.

"Sure, sure. Same time?"

"Sounds great." If I wasn't a vampire, my cheeks would probably ache from smiling so hard.

"Talk to you tomorrow, then. Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jacob."

After hanging up, I busied myself with planning the entire week's worth of dinners for Charlie and cleaning the house from top to bottom. This killed all of about ten minutes. I drove all the way to Seattle to grocery shop, afraid I might run into someone I knew if I stayed closer. By the time I got back, I only had a couple hours to kill before Charlie was home.

I made myself maintain a frustratingly human pace as I prepared lasagna for dinner, trying to consume as much of the remaining time as possible. Jacob would be out of school by now, and the urge to call him again — or better yet, drive to La Push — was annoyingly persistent. Keeping my hands occupied was an absolute necessity.

The rest of the week with my dad passed extremely pleasantly. I had plenty of time with Charlie, but also plenty of time alone, which I had so desperately craved after over a year in Edward's constant company. By the end of the week, I was starting to miss my husband, which I felt confident was a good thing. It was healthy, in a relationship, to miss each other every now and then. Or so I've heard.

I cooked for Charlie every night, fabricating various excuses about why I wasn't eating too. Charlie accepted my explanations with good grace, though I could tell he wasn't fooled, just choosing to remain ignorant. By the end of the week, the freezer was stocked with enough leftovers to last him at least month.

Besides dinner with Charlie, the highlight of each day was my phone call from Jacob. I never saw him face to face again, but hearing his voice and feeling connected with him for the first time in so long brought me more joy than my overly-excitable newborn body could contain. I hunted each night, secretly hoping to run into Jacob, but none of the wolves ever ventured over to my side of the line again.

Time, for a vampire, passes with both maddening slowness and lightning speed. Before I knew it, my week in Forks was over.

On my last day, I made sure Charlie's refrigerator was freshly stocked and the house meticulously cleaned. I washed all his laundry and made a casserole for him to heat up for dinner the next day. I also made a big pan of tiramisu and left a few nice bottles of wine on the counter, hoping he would get the hint and invite Sue over for dinner.

That last morning when I spoke to Jacob, I tried one final time to see him again.

"Hey, I was wondering…would you like to meet up before I leave, just for a little while?"

His answering sigh echoed through the phone line.

"I'm sorry, Bella." His voice sounded regretful, but resigned. "I just…I can't."

"It's okay," I reassured him quickly, afraid he would end our call prematurely if I pushed him further. "I understand. Really, I do."

The time for us to hang up came all too soon. I gave him my cell number, but I couldn't be sure if he wrote it down or not. My heart sank as I realized this might be the last time I heard his voice in a long while.

I wanted to cry when I said goodbye to Charlie. He hugged me close, never flinching at the coldness of my skin.

"Goodbye, kiddo. I'm sure going to miss you."

"Bye, Dad. I'll miss you, too," I whimpered, hating that being this close to my own father made my throat burn. I was beginning to understand Edward's self-loathing a little.

Charlie pulled back, covering both my shoulders with his warm hands.

"Now, if you ever decide you want to come home for good…"

"Dad," I interrupted with a fond smile, "I know."

"Good," he chuckled before letting me go.

I drove my rental car to the Seattle airport, only to find out that my flight was delayed until early the next morning. Sitting in the crowded airport for hours with no escape from the thick aroma of human blood didn't sound appealing, but there wasn't time to drive to Forks and back. I decided to check in to a hotel close by to wait it out until morning.

The door to my room had barely clicked shut behind me when my cell rang. It was Edward.

"I assume you know my flight was delayed," I answered, setting my bags down on the luggage rack.

"Yes, Alice saw," Edward answered. The familiar tingle that his voice caused zipped through me, more potent now that we had been apart for a week.

"I'm staying in a hotel for the night, but I'm sure she saw that too."

"She did, and she said it doesn't look like your flight will be delayed further. I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"I can't wait…" My call waiting beeped through, distracting me. I pulled the phone away from my ear. and my eyes widened as I recognized the number on the screen. "…to see you too. Hold on a second, Edward. I have another call."

"I'll be waiting," I heard him answer before I clicked over to the other line.

"Jacob?" I answered, my voice breathy with an excitement I didn't fully understand.

"Bells?" he responded, sounding equally breathless. "Bells, have you left yet? Are you still at Charlie's?"

"No, I'm not, but my flight was delayed. I'm at the airport Hilton in Seattle for the night."

For several seconds, there was silence on the line. I could hear the sound of Jacob's accelerated breathing and his quiet footfalls as he paced back and forth on the linoleum floor.

"Jake?" I asked, feeling my impatience rise as the silence stretched on.

"I'm on my way," he stated simply before the line went dead.

A/N2: Thanks so much for checking out my new story! Please hit the review button and let me know what you hope/think/fear may be around the corner for our favorite characters.

Song for this chapter: The Ghost of You, My Chemical Romance