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First person POV is really not my strong point but I just think that this story just got more real when we really get to step into Wufei's head.

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WARNING: This story is not as nice and fluffy as my usual fictions. The main character is a pedophile while the other is a young teen. But remember -I have never written an un-happy ending and I never will.

This story is written in a way that might be disturbing, sensitive readers should go read something nicer.

This is a work of fiction and I will be very pissed off if someone accuses me of being a pedophile. My thoughts and the reason why I wrote this can be found at the end of the page.

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I'm a pedophile.

If I weren't such a coward I would have killed myself as soon as I realized this fact.

I knew I was gay, but after a while I started noticing that as I grow up, I was still checking out the same type of guys. The young, petit, unearthly beautiful ones.

That's when I started to realize that there was something wrong with me.

I'm not sure if I became a pedophile or if I had always been one. I just know that I was a late bloomer. I never really had any crushes on kids my age, never really had any interest in anyone at all since I spent most my time reading and studying. Then when I started noticing other boys I never gave my "type" much thought.

Most of my friends were younger than me, but it wasn't something that I really spent any time thinking about, it was just the way things were. I was just more comfortable in younger people's presence.

I had relationships with people close to my own age but I ended it as soon as I started wishing that they would be younger.

It only got worse over the years. By now I can't even get it up for guys older then sixteen. Isn't that just the sickest thing you have ever heard?

I tried so hard to be attracted to guys my own age, or at least someone who had reached eighteen but it didn't work. I felt no desire, no connection and no love.

I don't know how I ended up like this. I wasn't abused as a child, I wasn't neglected. I have never been sexually assaulted. I don't have any excuses, no explanations.

I decided that I might be a monster, but I was never going to let myself be tempted to give in to that perversion. Never.

It was easy to follow my decision since my shame was so overwhelming that it kept me from straying. It was easy, until he came along.

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I push the doorbell, hitching my backpack up higher on my shoulder as I listen to the muffled sound of footsteps inside the house.

The door opens and the one person who I do not want to see stands on the other side. "Hi, Wufei." Duo is grinning up at me, his young face displaying his happiness clearly.

"Hey kiddo." I say, hoping to sound nonchalant.

"I'm not a kid!" He protests loudly before pouting beautifully; his pushed out pink lip, just begging to be nibbled.

I don't say anything, hoping that I wouldn't give anything away. He is such a nice looking kid. And I'm not just talking about the fact that he was absolutely beautiful, he just had a face that screamed 'I'm a nice guy!' Or at least he will grow up to be one if he didn't end up being molested by the local monster.

And that chances of that happening were getting better and better every time I saw him.

He just had to be one of the most attractive children I have ever seen. Large blue eyes, skin smooth like silk. Skinny all over with long awkward legs. Pretty, plum lips and chestnut hair down to his shoulders. I would bet he has the prettiest cock imaginable.

It's just too bad that he's not only one of my best friend's little brother, he is also fourteen years old.

I should be shot.

I focus my eyes on his face, refusing to let them stray. "Is Heero around somewhere?"

"You say it like the guy would actually leave his computer." The boy rolls his eyes. "Come in, would you?" He says, taking a step to the side to let me in.

In guilty pleasure I feel my arm brush against his chest as I walk past him.

"So… any new cool movies in the store?" He asks, looking up at me with those wide blue eyes, standing just a little too close for my comfort.

I nod my head slightly, pushing the strap of my backpack up higher. "A few. But that depends on what you're looking for."

I blink in surprise as the kid smirks. "I don't know what I'm in the mood for so I might just have to come by and take a look."

For a second I'm just convinced that he's flirting with me. "Uhm, sure, you do that." I mentally shake myself. Damn, I need to get away from this boy.

I decide to escape to Heero's room in the basement.

Duo is following closely in my steps, chattering on about some movie or another. I don't know if I either want to run or trap him against the wall, push my hand down his pants and my tongue into his mouth. Or more exactly, I know what I want to do and I know what I should do.

I arrive at Heero's open door and step right in, mumbling a greeting to my friend who's sitting by his computer.

Duo stops by the door, knowing that he's not welcome in this room. "Can't I stay with you guys?" He asks hopefully, hanging on the door handle.

Heero gets up and roughly pushes him off. "No." He slams the door in his little brother's face.

"I swear the little bastard has a crush on you, he's never like this when you are not around." My friend mutters as he walks back to his desk.

I swallow nervously. Dear God Heero, don't dangle the forbidden fruit in front of the eyes of a starving man. "Whatever, did you finish the fifth question?" I say, turning my attention to the backpack next to me on the bed.

"Yeah, give me a sec."

Heero and I worked effectively together, getting our assignment done in record time. Then it was just a matter of fixing a few spelling mistakes and preparing our presentation.

Heero and I met when we signed up for the same programming course two years ago. I must confess that the first thing that drove me to him was his face. Young and pretty, yeah, he looked exactly like my type. But believe it or not, Heero is actually the closest to my age of all my friends, just one year younger, but with a face of someone who shouldn't be older then fifteen.

Too bad that he was straight and that I had never felt any real attraction to him. My life would have been so much easier if I had fallen for the older of the brothers.

Suddenly there is a soft knocking on the door and Duo popped his pretty little head in. "Wufei, Mom wants to know if you are staying for dinner."

I really should leave, but with eyes like that looking at me, I feel myself slipping.

"Yeah sure, why not." I find myself saying even when I know I shouldn't.

A large smile broke out on his face. "Okay." the boy grinned and turned on his heal before just about skipping away.

I should leave, I really should. But I don't.

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I find myself sitting next to Duo at the table, with his mother on the other side.

I do my best to ignore him, but it is very difficult.

He's talking to me, asking me question after question and making him impossible to overlook.

He is so inviting. Open, warm and friendly. I just can't help but be drawn into the conversation. Those attentive eyes are watching every move I make and hanging off every word I say.

Realization hit me like a bucket of cold water.

Fuck. Heero is right; he does have a crush on me.

For just a moment I let myself feel happy and pleased before I beat it down with stone cold reality.

He is a fourteen-year-old kid, I'm a twenty-six year old monster.

Crushes have nothing on that kind of reality.

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The bell signals the arrival of a customer.

"Hi Wufei."

I look up and into the beautiful smiling face on the other side of the store.

"Hey kiddo." I respond, reminding myself that this beauty is off limit.

Duo pouts, something that really doesn't help me at all. Especially as the words 'cock sucking lips' start dancing through my mind.

He walks over and leans forward against the counter separating us. "What to come see a movie with me tonight?"

Happiness squirms in my stomach. I mentally smack myself before I can accept. He is fourteen years old, a child for fuck sakes!

It doesn't matter that he obviously has a crush on me because it is just that, a crush. It's not unusual for kids to get infatuated with their siblings friends. He's just a kid who wants to act like a grown up, and what better way to do that then to date someone so obviously older?

"Don't you have any friends you would rather go with?" I say faking disinterest as I blindly shifted some delivery list around. Nausea starts to twist in my stomach. There is a woman standing over by the romantic comedies, she can probably hear every word we say. Will she be able to hear the perversion in my voice? Can she tell how much I want to come with this kid who are almost half my age?

"They are so immature." Duo complained. "I want to go with you."

I want to, I really do but I know I can't.

"Sorry kiddo, I have to close the store today." I don't, but I know that it will be easy to convince Relena to change shifts with me.

He stretched his long, skinny arms out over the counter, fingers playing with a few flyers lying next to me. "So, when do you get off?"

"Ten." I say, adding two hours to the truth. By then there shouldn't be any movies playing.

"Perfect! The best movies start at ten-thirty. So will you come?" He asks, leaning towards me over the counter, giving me the biggest, saddest puppy eyes I have ever seen.

From the way he's standing I can see straight down into his shirt, showing of a smooth hairless chest.

I can feel that forbidden arousal start build up.

"I don't know." I'm stalling, I know I am. And by the looks of the boy in front of me, so does he.

"Come on, they're showing old horror movies, it's going to be great."

Now that he mentioned it, I had seen the posters for it. Only, I considered the movies to be far from old. But I suppose that they are old to him considering that he probably wasn't even born when I saw them.

I feel like a complete pervert, but I really want to go.

Would it be so bad, to just pretend for a little while? It's not like I'm going to molest him or anything like it, I have better self control then that.

It would be totally innocent, at least on the outside. What will be going on in my mind on the other hand would be something completely different.

I would get the chance to pretend, just for a little while. That I was on a date with a cute guy and that there were nothing sick or wrong with it.

I'm most likely going to hate myself later for giving in, but right now, I just really want to go on a date with Duo.

"Fine." I say, like I couldn't care less.

The grin that breaks out on his face makes my breath catch.

"Great!" He bounces a little where he stands. "So I'll see you there?"

I only nod, unable to say anything more.

Duo just grins as he turns to walk away, giving me a small wave.

I watch that small tight ass walk out of the store.

What did I just do?

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The light goes down and the movie starts.

Together we sit there in the dark and I try my best not to feel like I'm doing something forbidden. Technically, I have not done anything wrong. There is nothing illegal about taking your friend's little brother to the movies. As long as what's going on in my head stays in my head then I have done nothing wrong.

At least that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

Duo shifts to get more comfortable and our forearms brush on the armrest. I can tell that he's nervous. Hell, so am I.

I really am such a sick fuck for wanting him.

Then suddenly, Duo's hand is lying on my thigh. For a second I can only stare at it before I quickly push it off. Half a second later it's back, only higher up this time.

"Stop it." I hiss as I push it off again. I pray that no one is looking our way. The thought of being seen molesting a minor in the middle of the movie theater makes it hard to breathe. The boy next to me is not making things easier.

He is leaning towards me and I can smell the soft, tempting smell of whatever soap he uses.

"Is it really necessary to play hard to get?" He asks with a smile.

"Yes!" I whisper insistently before realizing what I'm implying. "I mean no, I wasn't-"

"Come on, I've seen the way you look at me." He smiles coyly.

I can feel my soul freezing. Terror rushes through me.

This is the moment I have feared for years. The moment I was found out and people realized just what kind of monster was walking around among them.

His soft fingertips brush against my bare forearms, raising goosebumps, making me shiver against my will.

"No." I try to deny it. There is no point, he knows.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He takes my hand as he stands up, pulling me along. Stumbling, I let myself be led. It takes me a moment before I pull myself together enough to snatch my hand back, but I still follow him.

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He leads me back to my car. The parking lot is dark and quiet; the only source of light is a streetlight further away. I fumble with my keys trying to unlock the doors. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. He found out. He knows. He knows what I've been thinking; he knows what I've wanted to do to him. He knows. He knows.

I get in, putting the key in the ignition by pure habit. Duo takes his place next to me in the passenger seat. "Take me home." He tells me as he fastens his seatbelt.

My hands are shaking so bad that it takes me two tries before I manage to turn the key. I concentrate on not making the car crash. I wouldn't mind dying right now, but I'm not taking Duo with me.

The drive passes in a blink of an eye and then we reach his street and I jerkily stop the car outside his house.

"Turn the car off." That soft voice tells me and I can do nothing but obey. "Come on, let's go in. No one is home."

Meaning that his parents aren't home. God, just a kid home alone. With a pedophile.

"No." I choke out, hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly that they are changing color. I can feel the situation slipping further out off my control.

His hand touches my arm. "We're alone and no one will be back until tomorrow evening. We're all alone."

I stare down at his fingers that are drawing circling patterns on my skin.

"I'm too old." I say as if trying to remind both of us. And I really do need to be reminded. I'm such a sick fuck because I do want to follow him. I want to close the door behind us and use the privacy to the fullest. I want to take his clothes off, touch him, taste him, take him. I should be shot. I should be stoned to death. I should have died at birth.

He makes a snorting dismissing sound and his fingers travel up to the inside of my elbow. "Oh come on, you are like, what? Twenty?"

"Twenty six!" I snap. The shame is breaking through my fear. What am I doing? Why did I take him here? Besides the fact that I wanted to.

He rolls his eyes, looking his age to its fullest. "So that's just another six years, so what?"

"So what?" I exclaim, pulling his hand off me. "I'm over ten years older then you."

He shrugs, seemingly unconcerned of the tight grip I have on his hand. "It's not that much. A lot of people get together even if there is pretty big age difference."

"But not if one of them is a minor!" I release him and press myself against the car door to put some distance between us.

Duo waves my words away with a flick of his hand like they don't mean a thing. "No one cares about that."

"Everyone cares about that! I will end up in jail!" And God knows what they do to child molesters in there.

"I'll just tell them it was my idea."

I bark out a hysterical laugher. "Yeah, I can see that happening. 'No your honor, I pledge not guilty to rape of a minor because it was all his idea in the first place!" I can't believe this is happening, it's either a nightmare or a twisted wet dream. "They won't care what you say."

If anything his belief convinces me of how -too- young Duo is, it was just so incredibly naïve to think that anyone would listen to him if he told him that he wasn't a victim of a sexual predator.

"We can keep it quiet if you want, no one needs to know." He says softly, smiling a secret, inviting smile.

God. It's so tempting. Every dirty, horrible fantasy I have ever had wrapped up in a pretty boy with an angel's smile and a devil's mind. I want. I want. I want.

For a second, I think about accepting. To start a secret, very wrong, very illegal relationship with the beautiful child in front of me. Desire, boils in me. I want. I imagine my hands on his naked skin and all the things I will do to him inside that house.

I really am a monster.

"NO!" I roar as I more or less kick him out of the car.

I leave him standing on the sidewalk as I speed away. My heart is hammering, blood rushing through my body like I've had a near death experience. A sharp noise is shrieking in my ears. I don't know if I'm imagining it or not.

God knows how much later, five minutes? An hour? I stop the car at the side of the road.

Stumbling I step out, making my way on weak legs. I sink down in the grass, moisture seeping in to my pants, fingers biting into the grass. Fighting for air I lean forward as I vomit violently. Over and over I retch until there is nothing left but the acid taste in my mouth. The disgusting mess in front of me reflects my inside too well for my comfort. I'm scum, I'm a monster, and I'm a puddle of vomit at the side of the road.

I don't know how long I sat there, wishing I wasn't such a coward so that I could just kill myself.

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The sound of the shop bell is my first warning before I hear his sweet voice.

"Hi Wufei."

I close my eyes, praying for strength. "What do you want?" I ask, hopping that my fear won't be obvious. I know it's just in my mind, but for a second I feel the smell of vomit, clear as day.

I should just get it over with and add my name to that pedophile list on the Internet so that everyone knows to keep their children far away from me.

I should put a sign up on the door. 'Beware of the pedophile'

I should tell Heero that I want to push my cock up his fourteen year old brother's ass and let him beat me to death.

"Just dropping by." Duo says innocently.

I look up.

He's wearing a tight sleeveless t-shirt, showing of those smooth skinny arms. His hair is up in a ponytail that brings the attention to his lean neck. I want to lick that skin more than anything.

"So are you still playing hard to get?" He asks with a smile, like throwing him out off the car had just been a joke.

I quickly look around but I'm the only one working today and there are no costumers in the store.

"I'm not playing, I'm serious."

"You know, I've heard a lot of protests about age and laws but nothing about not wanting to date me." He points out, flipping the pages of a catalog. He's trying to look casual, but I can tell that he's nervous.

I pull the catalog away from him. I can't concentrate when I have to watch those slim fingers work. "We can't."

"No one has to know, I can keep a secret." He whispers as he reaches out to run a single finger down my forearm.

Dear god. The temptation is overwhelming

Duo looks up from his straying fingers and into my eyes with a half smile on his lips. "Well, I can… if I want to."

It's not quite a threat, more of a reminder that he knows something about me that could get me into a lot of trouble if anyone found out.

One slip of a tongue and that would be it. All it would take was a rumor. One mother telling another to not let her son buy movies from the guy in the store on Holmstreet. That mother would tell another and another until the word reached the people around me. Maybe it would start with one of my co-workers or maybe my boss. They would never let me keep my job if they found out. Having pedophiles working for you is really bad for business. Or maybe one of my classmates or my friends would find out or maybe someone from the Queer United group would. The later would most definitely not want to have anything to do with me. No respectable gay man would even think about associating with a child molester.

Or maybe it would be someone from my family. I imagine the look on my mother's face if she found out, my father, my brother. My inside runs cold. Duo could destroy my whole life with just one word. Pedophile. I could not risk it. I was trapped.

Duo must have seen the resignation in my eyes because his smile got even wider and his hand found its way into mine. I closed my fingers around his smaller ones. I was going to hell for this.

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AN

The idea for this fiction is something I got from a radio interview I heard.

It was about a woman who realized that she was sexually attracted to children. She talked a lot about how ashamed she was and how hard she fought to hide it. How horrified she was when her friends asked if she could watch their children while they were gone and how much she hated herself for the urges she had. Until she finally got the courage to get help.

I'm not trying to say that all pedophiles are just misunderstood, I'm saying that there is something wrong in their heads and they need professional help. Nether am I saying that all pedophiles really are good people on the inside because really, a lot of them should just be shot on sight… or skinned alive, whatever is more convenient.

This is also an experiment to see if I could write a likable character that you knew that you shouldn't like. (How did I do?)

The next chapter will probably not be in first person for the simple reason that I suck at it.

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