They quarrel, over and over again. Day and night. I wish to be far, far away from it. The few times I'm allowed to leave my room, the adults call me names. The children my age spit or bark at me. One pulled my hair so hard I fell over, scraped my knees. Then he told everyone that the skin would fall off his bones for touching me. Mother tried to console me, but she's tired lately. Somethings wrong.

Father doesn't visit like he used to. I dislike him. I'm no longer allowed at the dinner table, nor does he help me with my studies or spells. He's too busy with his work, or whatever he does.

Perhaps too busy being a 'leader' to the people I despise so much. I don't want to be like them. The veins that cover my body... I wish to rip them out. My hair, bright and obnoxious, thick and course as ropes. Mother tries to cut it shorter, but it grows as fast as the vines that drape my room. My fingers look funny compared to mothers. And the scent of this place makes me nauseous. Some people have a stronger smell, I don't know what it's from but they usually have more pyreflies around them.

Oh and those dumb pyreflies... They never cease. What are they exactly? Mother says they're spirits. But they feel trapped to me. They want to go somewhere, but there is nowhere to go. Like me, trapped in this stupid room, with these overgrown mossy walls.

The energy around the Farplane makes me feel strange. I want to go up the steps, see what's inside. I want to know why it pulls me, lulls me and speaks to me in my dreams. The Guado speak of it with much reverie, a magical place for our souls to rest in the afterlife. But if it's so magical, why do the pyreflies seem lost? Some things don't make sense, and neither mother or father will ever explain.

I hate this place.

I wish to see Bevelle. Mother speaks of it. Says it's magnificent and grandiose, sprawling like a giant crab resting above the ocean. A powerful aeon lives at the temple; Bahamut. I bet it could wipe this whole place right off the map. Wouldn't that be nice.

I've been practicing with my staff. Mother says I can get summoner's stave soon, but I'll have to grow into it. Maybe for my birthday this year.

I visit Macalania Woods by myself sometimes, mother lets me. She knows I can zap whatever fiend is in my way. But Talila is always close behind. That's Tromell's wife. They call her my 'nanny', but I don't need anyone. But she's nice I guess. Her and Tromell are the only Guado that talk to me. Tromell is father's 'servant' or something. He's always following him around and writing things down. Probably dumb things. Like how to be the worst father and a crummy leader.

I learned a new ice spell. It's a whole different kind of power than my fire and thunder. It shatters from the inside out. I've practiced on a couple fiends, they don't stand a chance. Talila says that the ice spell is my deep connection with Macalania temple, whatever that means. I hear a beautiful Fayth lives there, Shiva. Her skin is flawless ice, her eyes bright sapphires, even blue hair like mine. Maybe I can marry her one day. But mom says they aren't really people. Well, they used to be people. Their souls are forever tied to their Fayth. The Fayth give summoners their powers through aeons, all to fight Sin. Shiva would be a nice power to have.

What is Sin though? His shell is hard as diamond, nothing hurts him until the Summoners get to Zanarkand, and get their final Aeon. What's so special about the last one compared to the ones before? It doesn't make sense.

A lot of people died the other day in Luca because of Sin. I guess there was too many machines or whatever they call them. I wish Sin would come here, but these stupid Guado don't use Machina.

I hope to see Sin one day, I bet I can cut him down with my spells. He's probably not as strong as they make him... But he sure is powerful.