Author's Note:
1.) First I have to give major credit to CSImaja on youtube. When I watched a Castle vid that person made it immediately got me thinking of this story.
2.) Either Castle/Caskett fans are going to hate me or not. I love the happy, fluff pieces as much as anyone but what made this story so interesting to write was because it was a challenge for me. It was in a relm I'm not used to writing in before. I've written about depression, I've written about cutting, but never have I written something like this.
You may smile, you may cry, you may have emotions anywhere in between but isn't that what great story telling is? When you can really get those emotions going and feel like nothing more than wanting to jump into the story and tell your characters that life will work out and that you'll be there for them despite whatever hell life puts them through?
3.) Onto the Story!
Prologue- How
The lights in Detective Beckett's apartment were turned down low. There was an unopened bottle of wine on the table but that was the last thing she wanted right now so she just sat on her couch, a tissue in one hand, letting the tears run down her face.
How could this have happened she asked herself over and over again? Beckett played the past couple of days in her mind in a constant cycle. Wondering what it was she could have done differently, wondering what it was she could have said or done so that he could follow her voice back and come back to her. Her partners had gone over similar situations and like Beckett they knew there was nothing that she could have done differently.
Still there was that constant, stupid 'what if' question that had plagued her mind, taunting her as if there was some answer that she just wasn't seeing, an answer that would not be an answer at all but a pointless justification for why things had to happen the way they did.
Beckett shook her head and toyed with the ring on her finger. It had been only a week ago when she had gotten married and now it was over as if none of it had mattered.
There were no angels out there to make things better. Life wasn't like those fairytales where death could be cheated or brought back by the sound of a voice or true love's kiss. It was just life. There were no happy endings, at least not for her.
Beckett heard a knock on the door but she refused to open it. All she wanted was to be left alone, pretend somehow that she didn't exist in the world. Maybe then it would be easier, to simply drown in the darkness.
She heard the door unlock. There were only a few people that Beckett had given keys to. She knew it had been ridiculous to keep her apartment after she had gotten married but now she was more than grateful that she had decided to keep it since it gave her a safe haven whenever she needed to find some kind of escape from her life.
Martha stood near the counter as she watched her daughter-in-law but Beckett didn't turn to look. Martha had seen Beckett broken before but never like this. Casually the older woman walked over to the couch and let Beckett lean on her shoulder. Beckett hated this feeling of vulnerability, of being weak but she just couldn't hold back and Martha didn't want her to. She let the woman cry on her shoulder as long as she needed.
A few minutes later Beckett composed herself.
"I'm sorry Martha," Beckett said leaning to the side of the couch that she had occupied before Martha's arrival.
"Please dear, you have nothing to apologize for. This is hard on all of us."
Martha truly had no idea how right those words were. Beckett brought her arm up vertically on the arm rest, leaning her head.
"I'm pregnant," Beckett said finally saying the words that she had long kept to herself as more tears streamed down her face.
Martha remained silent and shocked for a couple seconds.
She then looked to the table. "Well that explains the unopened bottle of wine," she said. She then took Beckett's left hand. "How far along are you?"
"Six weeks. I was going to tell Rick when I was sure but I wasn't ready. We'd only been married for two weeks."
"Oh Kate, he knew, we all did." Beckett looked up at her mother-in-law, "You stopped drinking wine and coffee. Those made it pretty obvious and often times another mother just knows."
More tears streamed down Beckett's face. "What am I going to do Martha? I can't do this without him. Rick always wanted more kids but now…" she shook her head unsure of what to say next despite all of the thoughts and emotions raging in her head.
"We'll take this a step at a time," the older woman said with a sad smile. "Rick may be gone but you're still a Castle. We're still your family."
Beckett smiled at Martha's comfort and the older woman took Beckett in for another hug. A few tears streamed down Martha's face. It was a bittersweet moment knowing that she would be a grandmother again but also knowing that Richard would not get the chance to see his new son or daughter grow up.
