DICKS-A true love story. By Aleximander
The familiar pains of lonliness and indigestion wracked my chest as I awoke from my nightmares on the ever-looming threat of feminism. My large-boned flesh rolled uselessly around the California King-sized bed as I turned my head, affirming that I was indeed still breathing. Confirming this I attempted to weep silently, knowing it was a waste. I hadn't cried in over a month. I don't think I ever can again. Not after this cruel world has shown its truth; the seams splitting wide to a shallow hollowness underneath. I will never sleep again, I vowed, Popping three doses of Viagra and 5 Hour Energy lying on the counter by my mattress. Never again. Even after only being awake for five minutes I decided life was, indeed, still awful. But I was determined for real human contact with the only people I trusted. 4Chan. Glancing at the latest comments, I swiftly deduced this was true kinship. I didn't need friends, in the end they all betray. But what of love my chest screamed. I told it to shut up by downing pepto-bismol. Then I glanced Viagra had kicked in, turning my 2 inch member to a throbbing 3 inch beast. My chest was right. I needed love. And there it was the whole time staring me in the face. My penis. I blushed, suddenly realizing my dick was in fact a sexy woman who lusted for me. I put all the moves on her, proving unquestionably that I was super suave. (I had used copious amounts of Suave shampoo earlier that day, after all.) She never hesitated, always flirting with me and giggling at my ultra-witty Star Trek jokes. That night we made passionate love like I had never known before. We're dating regularly, going to the finer places whenever I can scrounge up enough allowance from my bitch mom. I have sex with her openly now. People look at me weird but fuck them I scream while in the midst of passion. Life is a cruel mistress and my cock is way sexier.
