Disclaimer: I don't own star wars, which should be pretty obvious...
Summary: As sure as love can ignite the stars, the will of the force gives a person a second chance to write their wrongs and to make a better future to the previous one they had lived through.
Chapter one: A change of scene
The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars.
Nothing was as painful as this, even as she felt the pains of childbirth upon her she knew with certainty that it was her heart that was dying. It was a pain that was beyond imaginable, too painful for words to even describe. Even worse was that she was still living, living through the pain, when all she wanted to do was give up and let it all go.
As if he could read her mind the Jedi beside her clutched her hand in his, his hand warm despite the sweat that covered her brow.
"Don't give up, Padmé." Obi-wan was distracting himself from the pain of his own bond broken; she knew that by focusing all his attention on her he was putting facing it off. But it would catch up to him, no matter how much he ran from the truth his heart was breaking as well.
"Is it…" her eyesight blurred as she groaned at the pain as she continued to push in what was the hardest task of her life. She thought back to those months in the clone war, not even the continuous waiting for news about Anakin was this bad. "It's a girl. Anakin thinks it's a girl." A smile tugged at her lips as she remembered his sparkly blue eyes alight with excitement at the thought of their child.
"We don't know yet. In a minute…you have to stay with us." Obi-wan's voice was gentle and calm compared to the tinkering of the droids around them, the medical droids fussed with the scanners and equipment to check on her labour. She tried to look down to see if it was over yet but the opaque tent shrouded her from the chest down, and she knew even without it she probably wouldn't be able to see with her huge belly.
"If it's…a girl-oh, oh, oh no…" she tried again, she needed him to know, because in her heart she knew she wouldn't make it. Even with their technological advances droids couldn't help the inevitable.
"Can't you do something?" she heard Obi-wan ask beside her as she shut her eyes to the pain, would it stop if she stopped looking at the harsh lighting above her?
"All organic damage has been repaired." A droid replied as she felt the pressure increase. "This systemic failure cannot be explained."
Nothing can stop death… it was a hard truth, something Anakin had continuously failed to grasp. He was always so full of life and an innocence that hadn't been tarnished by the war he found himself in. Was this what he saw in his nightmares? Had he really seen her death here today?
"Padmé, you have to hold on." Obi-wan spoke his hand tightening on hers as if he could keep her grounded with the pressure. She felt like she was being pulled into two very different directions, there was so much pain she felt she was floating in it. There was her broken heart, the natural pains of childbirth and another, it was dim like a flutter at the back of her mind but it was there. Anakin was in pain, he was fading out. She didn't know how she felt it, but she did, he needed her just as she needed him.
"If it's a girl…" she gasped as the pressure released, air filled her lungs and she knew her child had been born. "Name her Leia…"
"It's a boy." The droid announced bringing him around for her to see. She tried to reach for him but her fingers trembled, she felt her strength waning, the only physical contact that could be had with her new born son were her fingers soft touching his forehead brushing the soft blonde hair on the top of his head. She smiled as the baby opened its eyes to her his wails quieting as he looked curiously at her, blue like his fathers. Little Luke, oh my little baby.
"Luke…" she smiled weakly. Then the pain exploded again as she pushed out another child, this one coming out much faster than their brother. Time seemed to speed up and before she knew it her body had lost it's strength and now lay on the table. Tears slid across her face as the other droid had rounded the tent as well, with another clean, quietly solemn infant.
"… and a girl." At the droids words she fell back against the pillow unable to find the strength to sit up any longer. She turned her head towards her daughter and noticed the brown hair that decorated her head. She tried to reach out to her, but all she could manage was her will. Anakin had once said that despite her low mediclorian count he could still feel her in the force when they reached out to each other. Her awareness of it had sky rocketed as she fell pregnant, she'd been able to feel his presence when he was either close by or communicating to her through the bond she felt they shared. She'd felt him earlier that day, which seemed so long ago, when he was in the Jedi temple across the city from her, but she'd still felt his gaze. She reached out to her daughter the same way; perhaps she'd inherited her father's force sensitivity? She thought as she stared into the small eyes of her child willing her to remember this moment, to remember her even as she slowly faded away.
"Padmé, you have twins," Obi-wan looked down at her desperately as if pleading. "They need you – please hang on…"
"Anakin…" she cried out in sudden panic, their bond breaking apart at the seams, something horrible was happening to him. It felt like he was dying, she felt it in her heart even as it beat frantically for it's other half. Where was he? Why wasn't he by her side? What was causing him such pain?
"Anakin…isn't here, Padmé," Obi-wan said, but she barely heard him. Why wasn't he here with her and their children?
"Anakin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry… Anakin, please, I love you…" she cried, her heart aching. Her soul reaching out for its mate, it's other half, which was nowhere to be found. Where was the man she loved, where was he? And her children, what about Luke and Leia, where were they?
She blinked the tears out of her eyes and reached across with her free hand knowing these might be her final actions. But she wanted something for her children to remember her by, something that would show them the love their parents held for them and each other. She grasped the snippet of japor, the one that had been carved long ago by the hand of a nine year-old boy from an obscure desert planet in the far outer rim, who had once asked her if she was an angel.
Reaching out she put the pendant into Obi-wan's palm and stared up at him willing him to understand that with love Anakin would return to them.
"Obi-wan…there…is still good in him. I know there is… still…" her voice faded into an empty sigh as she sagged back against the pillow. Her breaths shortened and her eyes closed to the flashing lights around her. She would join Anakin, and they could be happy. The sounds of different scanners buzzed around her in alarming tones as she felt herself fading out.
Other sounds started to greet her, and she felt a different surface underneath her, different fabrics brushing against her skin. A strange beeping noise like that of an astromech droid and then the ground beneath her shifted as if lowering. She moaned as feelings started to come back to her, her hands tingled and her legs ached as if she had been sitting in one position for quite some time. And even stranger, the extra weight that she had become so used to with her pregnant body had disappeared and her heart no longer hammered in her chest. Yet she still felt the heart ache, that would only disappear when Anakin returned to her.
Her clothes felt tight around her, unlike the various huge dresses she had taken to wearing when hiding her children. She even felt something across her face, a mask of sorts? Was it meant to help her breathe? Were they trying to save her? Did she want to be saved? Anakin wasn't anywhere to be found, he wasn't offering words of comfort, and she did not feel his hand clinging to hers. Yes, she wanted to be saved, she wanted to hear where Anakin was. She wanted to live for her children, her children needed her, like Anakin needed her and she needed him.
The floor lowered and the sounds like traffic passed her ears, where was she? Realising that her eyes were still closed she gently opened them, the lids not having the same weight as they had when she had shut them. She looked around herself in astonishment, not believing what her eyes were showing her. Why was she here? Was she having some sort of break down? But it all seemed so real, the clothes, the sounds, and the sight around her. How was this real? And if it wasn't why was she even thinking of this time, there wasn't anything that would remind of this day of today of all days?
She stared as the starfighter she was sitting in lowered to the ground of a landing platform in front of the Senatorial Apartment Building, on Courasant.
Author note: I've only written this chapter and just so everyone knows I'm off to university this september so don't expect me to upload the next chapter quite so soon. I just wanted to upload this so it encourages me to write more, as i hope you're reviews will as well. I've read loads of stories like this one but none with Padmé going back or forth. I also want to let everyone who follows my other star wars stories that I will finish those I'm just taking a break from them for a while until I get enough time free to write up a couple of chapters.
Hope you'll enjoy what's coming and remember to Review! Every comment counts :)
