In honor of the Sea of Monsters which is coming out tomorrow I am doing a 'React' one-shot were the PJO characters react to the first movie, so yeah enjoy!

I ACTUALLY DID NOT HATE THE MOVIE AS MUCH AS IM IMPLYING THIS IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY!

Disclaimer: You know the drill…


What Da Fu—


Percy Jackson

My dad doesn't have a tattoo, and he wouldn't dramatically rise out of the sea, dramatics are Zeus' job.

Why am I seventeen?

Pretty sure my eyes are green.

I can stay under water for a longer time than that.

I can't get wet.

Um, not that I mind that scene being taken out of the movie, but where is Clarisse?

Luke is supposed to be around seven years older than me.

Don't remember that face off with Luke happening.

This is a movie… This is a movie?


Annabeth Chase

Not that I mind being portrayed as a bad ass or anything, but why am I a brunette.

Where's my dagger?

I'm a blonde.

I was on Percy's team during that Capture the Flag Game.

My hair is curly.

Since when do I use a bow and arrow?

Um, let's see… yep I have blonde, curly hair, and I am supposed to be twelve.

My dad?

The beads?

Thalia?

The Exploding Bus?

The Gateway arc?

The Mist?!

We couldn't drive, we were underage.

Hydra, since when, I'm pretty sure that happens in the next book.

Seaweed Brain wishes he could control water that well back then.

The Helm of Darkness?

THE PROPHECY FOR THE QUEST?

The Oracle?!

Well at least they got me being the Daughter of Athena right.


Grover Underwood

Um, not to sound racist or anything, but since was I black?

Why am I portrayed as a player?

High school without the musical… really?

ENCHILADAS? Where are the enchiladas?

I… I can't dance.

I honestly can't really drive either.

Ugh, Juniper will kill me.


Medusa

How does the Daughter of Athena and the satyr hit me with a car when their eyes are closed?

Seems a little bit too convenient.


Clarisse La Rue

Where.

Am.

I?


Thalia

Where.

Am.

I?


Thalia's Pine Tree

Where.

Am.

I?


Quest Prophecy

Where.

Am.

I?


Great Prophecy

Where.

Am.

I?


Travis and Connor Stoll

Where.

Are.

We?


Half the Percy Jackson Cast

Where.

Are.

We?


Luke Castilian

Honestly I can't say much, I look damn fine in the movie and in real life… wait since when did I face off against Percy in New York? Wasn't that a scene in the last book? *reads script* and wasn't I supposed to be manipulating Ares into doing my bidding?

What?

Is?

Going?

On?

And damn, I wish I had all that shit in my room… if you don't remember part of the reason I defected was because my cabin was so damn full of campers all the time; because those damn Olympians wouldn't get off their lazy asses to claim their damn children!

Where's my scar?

Thalia? Where's Thalia, isn't she important, and one of the reasons I defected?

I met my father (unfortunately).

Kronos anyone?

*Sigh* The next movie better get their shit together.


Ares

Where.

Am.

I?


Zeus

That mortal is supposed to be playing me?

What happened to my well-trimmed black beard, and electric blue eyes?

My Daughter?

The Great Prophecy?

The Big Three?

ME?

My Master Bolt also does not look like cheap CG effects.

My exit was horrible.


Poseidon

I.

Do.

Not.

Have.

A.

Tattoo.

… Or at least a visible one.


Hades

Need I say anything?


Persephone

Why am I a slut?


Demeter

Why is Persephone a slut, isn't that Aphrodite's job… gah this movie is giving me a headache, I need cereal.


Artemis

Why am I played by a twenty year old looking mortal?


Aphrodite

First off, my outfit, ew, togas were so, 800 B.C. and for the record I am much prettier than that.


Apollo

Dashing blue eyes?

No.

Bright sunny blonde hair?

No.

Nice abs and fabulous smile?

No.

Yep, that guy looks nothing like me.

And hold on; let's get this straight, Percy rescued Grover from sex with a hot chick from the Underworld?

I name Logan Lerman the biggest clock block in the history of the world.


Dionysus

Not that I care or anything, but where am I?


Hephaestus

Tch, living organisms, Aphrodite's soap operas are better than this.


Iris

Oh Iris Goddess of Rainbows, they didn't use your messages in this movie, they instead used phones that attract monsters that the Directors conveniently forgot to mention in the film.


Hermes

For the record Luke did meet me before… sure it wasn't a good meeting, but hey I saw him!

And honestly, I couldn't tell the difference between Apollo and me.

Also since when was the whole Olympian council attending this meeting?


Kronos

Tartarus?

Me?

Perseus was supposed to have a dream of me, yes?

Me?

The shoes?

Me?

I better be in the next damn movie.


Athena

War, is not the answer, really?

I don't have an accent.

I wasn't in attendance at this meeting.

My hair is black.

I do not wear a toga.

This whole movie is inaccurate to the real events.

Demigods must learn to read Greek the letters don't float around like that.

Did the director even read the book?


Sally Jackson

Well, I can't really say anything... I'm perfect... and so was Gabe... sadly.


Haha, but seriously I thought Sally was the only person who was amazingly casted.

But all in all, movie, I give you 3 stars, just cause Logan Lerman is cute, and Alexandra Daddario is pretty. I'm seeing the movie tomorrow, so I really hope it's worth the money cause if it's not then… bleh! I'll prob continue this! So yeah SPOILER ALERT next chapter!

-OSM