No. This isn't real.
He can't be dead. He's the Chosen One, he's the Boy Who Lived, there's no way...
"HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!"
His heart breaks and he wants to scream, but all he can do is stay where he is, feeling as though his whole world is crumbling down. And he hears the gasps and the anguish of those who loved Harry too, but all he can focus on is that he's gone, and he's not coming back.
His eyes blur, and he struggles to keep his tears from falling. His shoulders slump, his heart aches so badly and he really wants to just go to Harry, but he can't.
'Please,' he thought desperately, 'Come back to me.'
And when Harry leaps out of Hagrid's arms, eyes blazing and face set in determination, Draco is relieved.
Then he slips away.
"Malfoy."
"Potter." It gets easier, by now. To pretend, to act like they are nothing more than childhood-rivals-turned-acquaintances. They meet on many occasions after all. His cousin is Harry's godson and his Mother had been trying to reach out to her estranged sister after the war. So it's not the first time they met in Andromeda's home, when Harry is visiting Teddy and Narcissa is visiting Andromeda. He was there because his Aunt Andy wants to meet him, because he didn't have the heart to say no to his hopeful Mother.
"Day!" Teddy's sweet voice calls out, recognising his cousin from his place on the floor. He's almost a year old, and Draco loves the boy, even though he doesn't quite know how to handle a child so small, so innocent. The small boy wobbles to his feet and walks the short distance clumsily to Draco, hugging his legs and looking up at him with a bright smile, "Day came!"
He can't help the small smile that appears as he kneels down, tiny arms immediately circling his neck. "Hello, Teddy," he murmurs as his arm wraps carefully around a small body. The child's smile widens into a grin and he giggles.
"Up! Up!" He demands, hair unconsciously changing to platinum blond.
It gives him an excuse to avoid looking at Harry's smile to his godson.
People don't give much attention to him. Mostly, they pretend he doesn't exist, even when he is standing in front of them. When they are forced to acknowledge him, they usually do so with a flat voice and a blank face, expressing how much they don't want to. He's fine with it, even though sometimes it makes him feel so insignificant.
Perhaps that is the purpose.
Still, it is better than the hexes and curses. Those only happen occasionally, maybe once or twice in every two weeks.
He endures it, but he made the house-elves swear not to tell his Mother.
Granger and Weasley visit him sometimes. Today, they are talking over a few cups of tea in the garden of Malfoy Manor. It's hard for them, to set foot into the Manor, but they do it anyway, just to check on him, even though Granger still flinches whenever they passed the room where his lunatic Aunt tortured her. He always close the doors whenever they owled to visit.
"Auror training is a bit rough, though. Mostly on the theory classes," Weasley says, taking a biscuit and biting into it. Granger rolls her eyes as he accidentally spills some crumbs onto his t-shirt.
"Well, I hope you survive," Draco tells him flatly, but a twitch of his lips betrays his amusement.
Granger grabs a napkin, "He's just exaggerating, I'm sure." Nevertheless, her hand is gentle as she helps him clean the crumbs off. Draco's heart twinges in longing and envy at their closeness, remembering how he once had it too. He buries it deep and tries to forget.
"Is he having difficulties?" He asks, carefully sipping his tea to hide his face. Granger understands him, putting away the napkin and biting her lower lip uneasily. Weasley shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
Worry claims him, and his eyes must've revealed something, because she hurriedly shakes her head, "He's fine, Draco." He lets his shoulders relax slightly, but he knows that he won't like whatever she will tell him next.
"It's just... He, um..." she sighs, and tugs a strand of hair that escaped her ponytail, "He got back together with Ginny."
Draco doesn't inhale sharply, nor does he gasps in surprise. He carefully sets his cup down, barely a clink as he does, and places his hands in his lap, hiding them from sight as they shake. He looks straight at her and Weasley. "He's moving on," he says calmly.
"Yeah," Weasley sounds uncertain at his lack of reaction, oblivious to the ache that blooms in his chest.
"Good for him." But he knows Granger sees the pain that he fails to hide in his eyes.
It is after the night falls that he lets the tears come, in the safety of his rooms.
The breeze that blows pass them is calming. It is a quiet day, with no homework that they need to do. The weight of his head on his lap is comforting, as is the soft feel of his hair between his fingers. Draco looks out to the Great Lake, his movement is automatic as his thoughts drift to a dark place. And he worries; he broods, because that's what he does.
"Hey," he calls his attention softly, and Draco immediately looks to him, even though he knows that his eyes betray his conflicting thoughts.
Still he smiles to him, "Hello."
Beautiful, beautiful green eyes stares at him, his lips forming a frown that Draco wants to erase with a kiss. He reaches for his left arm, and it takes all of his effort not to flinch away from the touch. Gently, he rolls up the sleeve of his robes and uniform, revealing the Dark Mark that fills Draco with such shame-...
He kisses his wrist, lips warm on his pulse and Draco almost jumps in fright, because how can he do that without feeling the disgust that Draco feels whenever he looks at the damn thing?
But he holds the kiss there for long seconds before pulling away and staring back into Draco's eyes, his own filled with such conviction and determination, "We'll be okay."
Draco kisses him, slowly and tenderly, before releasing him and resting his forehead on his chest. He cries, silently even though he knows that he can feel his tears soaking his shirt. Because he knows what he has to do, and it hurts as there won't be any more 'we' after what he will need to do. But he doesn't know, doesn't say anything and just strokes Draco's hair as Draco cries to the 'thump, thump, thump' of his heartbeat.
"Draco, please..."
"No, Granger. Thank you, but no."
"He will be able to remember. I know he will. I can tell him about it and he will wait-..."
"NO!" He snaps, desperate and cornered because she needs to stop giving him such hope-
Granger backs away, eyes wide in surprise, but not hurt. He withdraws, resting his head in his hands, horrified with himself. "Please," he says, voice trembling. Draco doesn't care to hide it anymore, "Let him be. He doesn't need to remember me. He's happy now, don't-... don't ruin his happiness."
She doesn't say another word. She just comes to his side and hugs him as he tries to stop the shuddering and evening out his breaths.
He's grateful for Weasley's absence.
"Darling," his Mother calls fondly, smiling to him from where she is seated in front of the fireplace, on her favourite armchair next to his Father's. He returns it, but he fails to smile for her as her smile turns into a frown and her eyes glitters with worry. She sets down her embroidery to the small table next to her, "What's wrong, my dear?"
She opens her arms for him and he comes to her, feeling like a child but needing his Mother's comfort. He kneels in front of her and lays his head on her lap, slumping dejectedly as her arm circles his shoulders and her hand strokes his head, like he was five again and woke up from a nightmare, searching for her as he cried.
He doesn't cry now, because he feels that's all he does these days and he doesn't want to worry her even more.
Mother's hand is gentle and familiar, and he hugs her waist loosely. "Draco?"
Draco forces a steady breath, "I'm fine, Mum. It's nothing, I promise."
Her breath catches, because her son hadn't called her so since he was seven years old. Her hand doesn't falter, but she sense his distress, "Oh, darling."
"I'm fine." It hurts.
Teddy is sleeping on his shoulder, tired after all the celebration. Draco had tried to put him down, but he squirms every time and almost wakes up crying, the same if someone tried to remove him from Draco. So all he can do is sit back and hold the boy as he sleeps. It's Teddy's first birthday party, and the party meant for all of friends and family to come. He had braced himself before coming with his Mother's arm in his, but the pain had flared up the moment he saw the couple.
Draco's right with his assumption. Harry looks so happy, smiling and laughing, with the youngest Weasley holding his arm and smiling with him. He could barely greet them properly before excusing himself, retreating to calm down and returning to the party shortly after. It was easy to avoid the happy couple after that, as there were many people to talk to. He chatted with his Aunt, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Longbottom, Luna, Granger and Weasley, and even the other Weasley siblings. Draco played with Teddy and helped him introduced himself, anything but talking to Harry or girl-Weasley.
He leans his head back and closes his eyes, gently moving the rocking chair with his feet. Draco doesn't want to see them, whispering together, eyes shining with mirth and shared joke. He used to be the one who shared it with him, and he doesn't want to be reminded of what he had lost. Rocking back and forth gently with the weight of Teddy's small body against him, he wraps his arms around the boy, taking comfort in his warmth. And he falls asleep.
Later, he dreams that someone drapes a blanket on him and Teddy. The vivid colour of those beautiful green eyes, so tender and fond has him smiling at his dream in recognition and affection. Draco whispers quietly in longing, "Harry..." All he feels is the dull ache in his heart, but he doesn't prevent it from his voice.
After all, it is merely a dream.
"I don't understand your fascination with my hair," he says in bemusement as Draco gently strokes his head. They are once again under a tree beside the Great Lake. However, this time, Draco has him leaning on his shoulder as they look out to the vast lake together.
Draco chuckles in response to his statement. "It's so soft, don't you know?" he tugs gently before going back to his stroking. He lets his nails scrapes the scalp carefully, drawing a content sigh that makes his heart clench.
"S'nice..." he says sleepily. A yawn escapes him, and he covers his mouth with his free hand, as the other is busy tracing nonsensical patterns on Draco's thigh. He nuzzles further into Draco's neck, kissing the small exposed patch of pale skin there.
Draco turns his head to kiss his forehead, "Tired?"
"Mm-hmm. Late night. Homework," he mumbles into Draco's skin. Still he leaves small kisses wherever he can reach.
Draco lays his head on top of his; never stop stroking the soft dark hair as he does. "Sleep now," he murmurs softly, "I'll be here when you wake up." He adjusts himself to a more comfortable position on Draco's shoulder and slips an arm around Draco's waist.
"Hmm... Sing for me?"
"Of course." And he sings, just a lullaby that his Mother used to sing to him when he was small every day before he sleeps. His hand never falters in his stroking, even after he falls asleep and Draco's voice shakes. It takes everything he has not to stop his tender ministration.
He reaches for his wand, still singing even as his breath comes in gasps, and points it to the head of the boy sleeping on his shoulder. Draco kisses the top of his head and lingers there. "I love you," he says, tears staining his cheeks, "Obliviate." The green light hits his head, and Draco whispers, over and over, creating a new reality where they still hate each other. "You researched the Horcruxes with Hermione and Ron. You suspected that Malfoy Imperiused Katie and poisoned Ron."
Afterwards, with a broken heart, he pulls his happiest memory, "Expecto Patronum." The long-haired Collie takes form, ethereal and beautiful. "Find Granger and Weasley," he tells it, "Tell them to take Harry back to his dorm and to take care of him." When it's gone, Draco leans back and savours the weight of Harry on his side.
He hides as Granger and Weasley arrive, just to make sure they have Harry, before running back to the castle.
