A/N:My first fic.
Disclaimer I only own the idea which means the characters and refrences aren't mine.
"Well it's been five years since I came to Balamb Garden… oh sorry guess I started this story before introducing myself. Name's Wes and I'm the unfortunate smuck that this story revolves around anyways… 5 years ago, for lack of better words, I appeared In the world of Midgar. Why am I here? I don't know, what I do know is Midgar is a lot better than my home realm. When I first came to this realm I ended up crashing through the roof of my current home in sector 7… yeah Balamb Garden is divided into sectors not neighborhoods, anyways I ended up crashing through the roof of a soda bar called 7th heaven which is ran by Mr. Lockhart the father of my friend Tifa. But yeah I have been living there for the past 5 years with my dorm mates Cloud, he's a bit of a loner and is really sarcastic and his humor is ironic, Tifa, childhood friend of Cloud and the exact opposite of him, Yuffie, who is a bit of a pickpocket and steals my materia! But she is a good friend, Squall, doesn't even trust us at times for some reason, Zexion, the cloaked schemer is what we call him but he is a good friend and finally our Dorm Overseer Vincent Valentine, We don't know a lot about him but I'm sure that he drinks blood, I have other friends but you'll find out more about them later. Well then I guess the die has be—What the smeg… where the hell did my wallet go? YUFFIE GIMME BACK MY WALLET!"
"WES WAKE UP YOUR ALARM HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 45 MINUTES!" Yells Tifa. "… 5 more minutes Tifa just five mo-" says Wes as Yuffie throws a rock at him "Ow why did you do that Yuffie?" "Because you promised that you'd come and ditch class with me." Said Yuffie sitting down on the windowsill. "Well that plan is out the RUN" Says Wes jumping out the window already dressed because he never changes for some reason or maybe he can just change clothes at super fast speed. "Why does that keep happening…" say Cloud walking into the room. "BECAUSE I HATE YOUR GUTS CLOUD" yells Wes
"Remind me to ask Squall to not wake Tifa up so early." Says Wes as he grab a skateboard "Yeah like that would happen" said Yuffie." Worth a shot Yuffie besi—ROCK IN MY EYE!" says Wes with a rock in his eye."… Why does that always happen" Thought Yuffie pulling the rock out of Wes' eye
Meanwhile somewhere not near the plot. "Wait we're not apart of the plot right now?" Yells Cloud. "Yeah got a problem with it?" Says Dorn overseer Vincent. "No s-sir." Says Cloud weakly. "Um did we just break the 4th wall?" Asked Tifa looking at Cloud. " I think so… is the writer on crack?" Asked Cloud. " No he's watching Boot to the head." Said Squall. "The Frantics made that right?" Asked Vincent. "Yeah they did." Answered Tifa.
Meanwhile somewhere that isn't breaking the 4th wall. "Did Cloud just break the 4th wall?" asked Wes. "OH come on I just said 'meanwhile somewhere that isn't breaking the 4th wall'." Yelled the Narrator." Shut up I'm trying to listen to Daft Punk" Yelled Yuffie. "Yes ma'am." Said both Wes and the Narrator. "Remind me why you hang out with her." Said the Narrator. "It has is perks… and no it's not what you think Mr. Narrator." Said Wes as he grabs his skateboard so he can get to the skate park. "… I wasn't thinking anything… yet." Said the Narrator.
3 hours later. "Yo Wes I have a favor to ask of you." Said Zexion. "For the last time if Marluxia is trying to touch you down there I CAN'T HELP YOU." Yelled Wes as he was fixing your skateboard because his board broke when he was skating. "No he isn't doing that I was gonna ask if you could help me perform operation fly psycho fly?" asked Zexion. "What do I have to do?" asked Wes. "Tie a rope from the ceiling to yourself, get on a high ledge, wait till Marluxia is on the X and swing down and hit him in the face with your boot." Answered Zexion as he drew a diagram of the plan on a blackboard that appeared out of nowhere. "You got it" Said Wes getting a samurai helmet on.
"Wes are you ready for Operation Fly Psycho Fly?" Asked Zexion. "Yeah I am, and there he is… Snooch to the Smegging Nooch." Yelled Wes as he hit Marluxia in the face. "Well that worked better that I thought." Said Zexion taking the wallet from an unconscious Marluxia. "I better get at least half of the money in that wallet." Said Wes. "Wait your not the one who takes money from people though." Said Zexion confused. "I have rent to pay, thank you." Says Wes as he takes 75 dollars.
Meanwhile back at the ranch. "Um where is Wes and Zexion?" asked Vincent. "Ditching… again." Answered Squall. "That's the 5th time this month… Yuffie go find them." Said Vincent. "Yes Mr. Valentine." Said Yuffie with a sigh. "Stop calling me Mr. Valentine." Yelled Vincent. "… Bye Mr. Valentine." Said Yuffie as she used a ninja smoke bomb. "I really don't like being called Mr. Valentine." Said Vincent.
Meanwhile back at the scene of the attack. "My Sugar-high ninja senses are tingling!" said Wes. "Which one the one that means Yuffie is coming or the one that means that there are some sugar bars near here?" Asked Zexion "The first one… now run." Yelled Wes. "GET BACK HERE WES!" Yelled Yuffie as Wes and Zexion ran. "Remind me why are we running again Wes?" Asked Zexion. "Because we are committing truancy… again." Said Wes. "Of course." Said Zexion.
About 3 and half hours later. "Okay why is the duct tape needed?" Asked Wes. "So that you don't escape again… because we all know that you will." Answered Vincent. "No we won't… well I won't he might." Said Zexion. "Wait did the duct tape just get on me?" asked Vincent "By the way duct tape won't work, try something like rope or a metal chain or something that isn't duct tape seriously I'm a ninja thief, you weren't looking do the math." Said Wes with a pocketknife in his hand. "I hate it when he does that." Said Vincent. "Hey at least I'm not a clone of Alucard." Said Wes
Meanwhile back at the ranch… again. "Why is this place called the ranch, I mean it's a classroom so why is this called the ranch?" Asked Squall. "It's called the ranch because there is a sign that says the ranch." Answered Wes as he pointed to the sign. "When did that appear?" Yelled Squall. "About 10 minutes after I called Vincent a Alucard clone." Said Wes. "Just who is Alucard?" Asked Cloud. "Alucard is the son of Dracula in both the Bram Stoker story and in Castlevania." Said Vincent as he walked through the door, with a really small tear in his eye. "… You got citrus in your eye again?" Asked Yuffie. "No a bubble this time." Said Vincent. "You are completely hopeless!" Said everyone even The Narrator. "Did the Narrator call me hopeless?" Asked Vincent trying to pull the bubble out of his eye with no success. "Yep, I just did." Said The Narrator.
7:30 P.M at The 7th heaven. "Well that was a eventful day, I ditched most of the day, sent someone to the hospital and paid off the rent." Said Wes. "I helped send someone to the hospital and got some blackmail material." Said Zexion holding a couple of photos in his hand. " I caught up to Wes in high heels which is really hard to do." Said Yuffie . "I also made Vincent cry, so Cloud owes me 3000 gil (This worlds currency)." Wes said pointing at Cloud. "Smeg I thought you would forget that bet." Said Cloud as he gave Wes 3000 gil.
The next day YEAH ALRIGHT! "Alright now Tifa's toothpaste is replaced with sugar and Cloud contact's are replaced with sugar." Said Yuffie as she hid the items she just stole. "GUYS I HAVE A EMERGANCY SITUATION!" Yells Cloud as he runs into a wall. "First off situation is unnecessary, just say we have a emergency, every thing is a situation." Says Wes as he drinks his first cup of Xenergy. "We don't need you being all George Carlin on us right now! My contacts were replaced with sugar!" Yelled Cloud. "Well that's worse than my toothpaste… it got replaced with sugar." Said Tifa. "Well I know who did it… Yuffie." Said Squall.
"I need to buy a tonberrion… why are you looking at me like that?" Said Wes. "But Tonberrions are vicious killers with huge knives and they … and you don't care do you?" Asked Zexion. "Not really." Said Wes as he went to the tonberry store. "We are so doomed." Said Zexion. "Whoa how much for the black tonberry?" Asked Wes. "7000 gil but I should warn you this one has been returned a lot due to it being a jerk." Said the Shop owner. "I am not a jerk, my previous owners just didn't feed me at all." Said the Black Tonberry. "I'll take him." Said Wes as he handed the shop owner 7000 gil. "Thanks for buying me, I hated being in that cage." Said the black tonberry. "So do you have a real name or can I just give you one?" Asked Wes. "No I don't have a real name none of the other owners gave me one so if you wasn't to you can name me." Said Tonberry. "How about Ashura for your name huh?" Said Wes. "I… I like it from now on my name is Ashura." Said Ashura formerly know as the black tonberry.
Fifteen Days later, everyone is adjusting to having a tonberry in the dorm but hey at least he is a good cook. "Why do you guys break the 4th wall so often?" Asked Ashura. "Yeah I mean we know we are in a story and we know that there is the 4th but we don't care… plus it's funny to see Cloud argue with the narrator… We have like 1 videos of Cloud arguing with him." Said Wes leaning against the wall drinking a can of Xenergy. "Wait Cloud argues with the narrator?" Asked Ashura. "Yeah but only the people with acknowledged that there is a 4th wall can hear him everyone else will just think that we're talking to ourselves." Said Wes. "So we can make people think Cloud is insane… wanna get him sent to a insane asylum?" Said Ashura. "I'm in… what about you Mr. Narrator?" Asked Wes. "Sure why not." Said the Narrator.
7 and half hours later after we got Cloud sent to the Funny Farm. "Why did you send Cloud to the asylum?" Yelled Tifa with fireballs in here eyes. "Well we were just trying to teach Ashura about the 4th wall and trying to pull a prank at the same time." Said the Narrator. "Well you guys are gonna have to break him out!" Yelled Tifa who is about to summon Bahamut RUN! "Don 't need to tell us twice!" Yelled Wes and Ashura as they booked it.
Again an hour later… Ow I sill can't feel my legs and hand. "Zexion we need help." Said Wes with his arm in a sling. "One what happened and two why do you need my help?" asked Zexion. "Tifa summoned Bahamut and we need to break Cloud out of the insane asylum." Said Wes. "You got Cloud sent to the funny farm and didn't invite me?" Asked Zexion. "In short yes, yes we did." Said Wes preparing for a punch in the face from Zexion BAAM "OWWWW I thind you brode my node." Said Wes with a broken nose. Excuse us for a few moments as the next scene and paragraph is very gore and violent… See you next paragraph.
Are the violence and guts and blood gone? It is okay good… any way after the fight and after they went to the hospital they set out to get Cloud out of the funny farm… shoot. "Okay so we just beat everyone up, grab Cloud and run the hell away" Said Zexion drawing the plan on a blueprint paper. "Not your best plan but it's the best we got… Let me get my guns and swords." Said Wes. "No Wes no wait are you gonna use Alastor or Rebellion?" Asked the Narrator. "Rebellion all the way… I don't need Lighting magic… now would you please censer the next paragraph narrator." Said Wes. "Okay." The next paragraph will be censored due to graph- "If you say graphic it will confuse people!" Yelled Wes … The next paragraph will be censored due to violent nature.
"Well that was fun… I need to clean the blood of my doinking outfit." Said Wes who was covered in blood or pizza sauce most likely pizza sauce, it was pizza day at the cafeteria and man the Canadian pizza was tasty I mean bacon on pizza is t—"JUST GET ON WITH THE STORY ALREADY!" Yelled Ashura. "Why did you tie me up and dragged me away on a motorcycle?" Asked Cloud pulling shards of glass out of his arms. "Hey we were told to break you out of the insane asylum not to keep you unharmed." Said Ashura. "He does make a very good point" Yells Wes as he pokes his head out his door. "SHUT UP MISTER I-DON'T-CARE-IF-MY-FRIEND-HAS-GLASS-SHARDS-IN-HIS-ARMS!" Yelled Cloud. "Shut it Cloud, just be glad we got you out of there." Said Zexion.
Meanwhile in the next room over. "So how much longer till I can Visit Cloud?" Asked Tifa "In about 5 days because he is gonna have a concussion caused by trama to the skull." Said Squall. "Um wh—" Said Tifa as she got interrupted by the sound that a wooden baseball bat makes when hitting a skull it sounds this: CRACK. "Sorry about that but the Narrator is out cold and by that I mean he and Cloud have concussions." Said Vincent.
"Well I think we should run" Said Wes. "Why if I may ask?" Asked Zexion and Ashura. "Tifa's coming to hurt us." Said Wes. "Oh well then RUN" Yelled Ashura. "Screw that I'm using WHEEL!" Says Wes as he puts a baseball cap on backwards. "I will know take a moment to explain why Wes put on a baseball cap on. Really the reason why is because he gain a ability called Wheel that makes it so he can turn in to a wheel to zip out of places at 255 MP/H." Said the Narrator. "Well that was informative-ish." Said Zexion. "Shut up Zexion and run." Yelled Wes. "Um we'll be back later, in a day or so in the mean time you'll be dealing with some minor characters" Said the Narrator.
"Why are we minor characters." Asked Squall. "Because we don't appear in the story as much as the others. " Cloud putting a wrap around his head. "Don't you need help with that?" Asked Vincent. "NO for the last time I don't need help!" Yelled Cloud pulling out a buster sword. "Wow it's been a while since we saw that." Said Squall. "What Cloud being mad or the buster sword?" Asked Vincent. "Both of them… I'm gonna just walk away." Said Squall. "Wait where's Tifa?" Asked Cloud. "I don't know, why do you assume that I know where she is!" Yelled Vincent. "But you're the dorm overseer you should know where she is and where Wes is." Said Cloud. "WELL HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHERE KIRBY (Wes) WENT?" yelled Vincent. "G-good point." Said Cloud. "Wes is raiding the junkyard for spare parts I think," said Squall.
Meanwhile at the junkyard with more important characters. "So why are we here?" Asked Yuffie who haven't appeared for a while. "Looking for copy trophy deluxes for my copy powers." Said Wes. "What do you have so far?" asked Zexion. "Wheel, Sword, Yo-yo and Blazing." Answered Wes. "Um what does blazing do?" Asked Yuffie. "It turns me into a fire ball that tackles into people." Said Wes. "Why do you hunt down the copy trophies?" Asked Zexion. "They give me new powers I can use to raid Shinra Corp. for spare parts to build my laser katana." Said Wes as he pulled something up. "We need new hobbies…" Said Yuffie. "I think I found a copy trophy" Said Zexion. "What does it look like?" Asked Wes. "It looks like a bomb." Said Yuffie.
Meanwhile at the hall of justice… or at the dorms. "How long have they been gone?" Asked Vincent. "About 2 hours." Said Ashura. "Where are they?" Asked Cloud. "The Junkyard looking for CTD's (Copy Trophy Deluxe)." Said Squall. "Why are they looking for them?" Asked Vincent. "I don't know maybe it will unlock a portal to his home realm so he can get his Scott Pilgrim Comics." Said Ashura
"Run foolish Cloud RUN!" Yelled Wes. "He got a new ability didn't he?" Asked Tifa. "Yeah now he can throw bombs that appear out of nowhere." Said Yuffie. "Will you guys help me out here!" Yells Cloud as he runs from Wes throwing bombs. "MUHAHAHAHAHAHA RUN TEST SUBJECT RUN!" Yells Wes as he throws bombs at Cloud. "Umm we are gonna fast forward a bit so that Cloud isn't being attacked by Wes." Said Tifa
The next day. "Why did you chase me with bombs!" yelled Cloud. "I wanted to try my new powers out." Said Wes. "I hate you Wes so much right now." Said Cloud. "Funny thing I don't care much." Said Wes. "Of course… I should have expected it." Said Cloud. "Shouldn't you be running from Tifa or something Cloud?" Asked Wes "What do you mean?" Asked Cloud. "Cloud-Kun!" Yelled Tifa. "Your network and predictions are creepy true." Said Cloud. "If you don't like it then go to ." Said Wes.
Later that evening. "Wes we're gonna watch Hot fuzz, you wanna watch?" Asked Yuffie. "Sure I'll be down in bit." Said Wes as he started writing in his journel. "It's been a long time since I arrived in this realm, I've gotten new friends and powers so I can find a way back home but as each day passes here I realize I don't wanna leave. All the adventures and problems I have… heh I wouldn't change it for the World but for some reason I get the feeling that something bad is going to happen." " Wes, Cloud lit his hair on fire" Yelled Tifa . "Hehehe this is a good life." Said Wes as he closed the journal.
The End?
