She would take pictures of me; sometimes of both of us like on movie nights on the couch; sometimes of just me looking at her; sometimes of me doing something really mundane; and sometimes me being madly insane with anything I can get my hands on. No matter where we are, no matter what we are doing; every moment of us being together. It is cute when she does that really. It would be any regular moment until it is not. She would do something endearing and I would smile back; and she would suddenly smile back at me with those lingering smiles out of nowhere like she just found the safe haven she had been looking for after walking on and on. She would pick up her phone and click. Just like that. Sometimes I don't see what she is thinking in that moment, sometimes I just feel it but can't really explain. It is adorable. That smile of hers lingering in an extended moment like a dew drop landing on a petal on an early morning after the sun just lit up the sky orange and still not really visible, it remains out of the world when she sees me. And yet, she clicks me every time she can.

"May I ask you something Maur?"

"Anything Jane." And there is that smile again.

"Why do you do that every time, all the time?"

"What did I do!" she pouts adorably, teasing me.

I can't resist. I smile. And her eyes just twinkle a little bit more. "Why do take so many pictures Maur? Of us, of me? You have me anyways, don't you?"

She lingers before she answers. The smile still stays. But she seems sad now. Fear? Dread? Trepidation? She seems to calm her thoughts before she falters. But she answers. "Because… I want to be able to see you like this when I would not be able to, if that ever happens."

"Hey, hey…" I slide by her side and hug her sideways and she leans in. "I am never going to leave you, not ever. You know that right? You are my best mate, ever. You are my family."

I can feel her muscles relaxing, she smiles a bit, but I can see she is trying to hide what is glistening in her hazel eyes right now. I hug her closer, hold her face in my palms and let it rest. She knows.

"I have lost more than I can count Jane. I don't want to lose anymore. But this is not something I can really do anything about. I just want to keep seeing you smile back at me until I breathe my last. "

Something clenches in my chest. Fear? I have had it before. It is more than restlessness, a cringing pain that grips me every time I feel I am going to lose her. She feels the sob that I try to resist and she pulls up, sees me in the eyes now glistening perhaps as well, and finds me out of words. She laughs.

"The great Jane Rizzoli! Out of words, really! Mission accomplished I say". She smiles at me that tickles out a happy feeling out from within me, and the pain that had gripped my chest with the realization just evaporates as if it wasn't there to begin with. Her smile does that to me. I smile, and she smiles back one of those 'I am never letting you go' smiles I just fall over for all the time and what do I do? I tickle her and she jumps; Laughs and as she is about to retaliate, I pull her close and kiss her on her forehead. She stands still like she is going to hold onto it for as long as she can and then she smiles, picks her phone again and flash, I get another moment treasured in for her.