The Fenchurch East team play a round of "Shag, Marry, Cliff" at Luigi's. Set sometime during season two. This is my first attempt at fic - if there's anyone still around reading Ashes stories, let me know what you think! SG. x


"Okay. My turn." Shaz turned her gaze on Chris. "Shag, marry, cliff… Ray, Alex, and the Guv."

Chris's mouth dropped open. "Shaz, yer can't choose blokes!"

"Or colleagues!" Ray winced.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Just shut up and choose, Chris."

"I won't do it ma'am," Chris said as he stared pointedly at his shoes. "It ain't proper."

Shaz elbowed her boyfriend sharply. "Chris, just get it over wiv!"

"Fine. Shag Ray—" the DS looked aghast "—marry Alex, throw the Guv off a cliff."

"Throw me where?"

A booming, Northern-tinged voice belted out across the restaurant, as Gene strode over with a beer in hand.

"G-Guv… um…"

"Spit it out, Skelton. Why'm I goin' over a cliff?" Gene's eyes narrowed, and his lips set into a pout.

"It's 'shag, marry, cliff', Guv, I had to choose!"

"Thank Christ yer threw me over then." Gene shuddered and practically inhaled half his beer. "'oo's next then?"

"Ma'am has to ask me," Shaz grinned and turned to face Alex. "Who'll it be?"

Alex took a sip of red wine and rested her chin on her fist. "Alright Shaz, how about this — Chris, Viv and the Guv."

"Oh, that's easy ma'am — marry Chris, shag Viv, throw the Guv off a cliff!"

"Easy?!" the Guv almost choked on his drink. "Bloody hell, at this rate I'd be better off throwin' meself down there to avoid the hassle."

"I'll join yer down there Guv, if it means not havin' to shag Skelton." Ray's face was still frozen after Chris's response, and the DS copped eyerolls and withering looks from Alex and Shaz.

"Ray, shut up and ask ma'am who she'd shag, marry and throw off a cliff," the younger woman prompted. She nudged Ray's calf with her booted foot, raising one eyebrow at him and giving an almost imperceptible head tilt towards the Guv.

Ray turned to Alex, quickly glancing over to check the Guv was watching. "The Guv, Luigi and that Evan bloke." Shaz and Ray swapped smirks as Alex's eyes widened and the Guv stared intently into his pint glass.

"Um, let's see… I would…" Alex stalled and took a sip of her wine. "Shag Luigi…" Ray snorted into his beer and Chris's eyebrows looked like they'd fly off his head. "Throw…"

"Yeah yeah, I know where this goes next," Gene mumbled.

"… Evan off a cliff, and marry Gene," Alex said in a rush. "Anyone need another drink? I'll go and grab some." Blushing furiously and not hanging around for a response, she darted over to the bar.

Shaz grinned from ear to ear and pointed at Gene's glass. "Guv, looks like that beer's almost gone…"

Looking anywhere but at his team, Gene wandered over to the bar, trying to gather himself as he reached Alex's side. Head held high, with a resolute pout, he called over to Luigi. "Another beer, and a red wine for the lady."

Alex's cheeks were still burning, and he lowered his head to her ear. "Look Bolly, yer don't have to worry about hurtin' my feelings, yer could've thrown me over the cliff…"

Alex took a deep breath and looked up into her Guv's bright blue eyes. "That's not why I did it."

"Yer mean….?"

"Yes." She didn't break eye contact. "… Guv, are you blushing?"

"Marriage, yer silly mare! I know yer might want a piece of the Gene Genie, but one step at a t-" Alex grabbed the back of Gene's head, fingers deep in his dark blonde hair, and pulled him in for a lingering kiss.

"Perhaps," she whispered, lips grazing his ear, "you're not familiar with the rules of 'shag, marry, throw off a cliff'. If I chose 'shag', I can technically only shag you once, and Gene… that wouldn't be nearly, nearly enough."

Alex straightened up. "Luigi, could you send those drinks over to our table? And another beer too. I don't want to waste them, and I'm afraid Gene and I have to be going."

"Of course, Signorina Drake. Crime doesn't sleep, no?" Luigi shot the pair a sympathetic look. "I see you tomorrow night!"

Grabbing Gene's hand firmly in her own, Alex led the way up the stairs to her flat. She pinned the man against the door, both of them breathing heavily. "Jesus, Bolly," Gene gasped in appreciation.

"Shhh." Alex silenced him with a deep kiss, and he returned her fervour. She swiftly unlocked the door and the pair tumbled inside onto the couch.

...

The remaining members of CID stared at the door their superiors had left through, mouths agape. Luigi bustled over to the table with three drinks. "From Signorina Drake and Signor Hunt."

"Good on the Guv, gettin' it in with Drake. 'Bout time." Ray waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Chris looked confused. "But it all happened so quickly, 'oo just shags someone after a round of 'shag, marry, throw off a cliff'?"

"Skelton, you twat. They've been makin' bloody eyes at each other for months." Ray took a swig of his beer.

Shaz raised her fresh glass of wine for a toast with Chris and Ray, glasses clinking. "I don't know what they'd do wivout us," she sighed.