Disclaimer: I do not own Pacific Rim or any of its characters
First comes the initial shock, the in-the-moment realization that something went wrong. But it dissipates quickly, and is replaced by primal instincts: survive, survive, survive. It isn't until your feet hit solid ground again that you comprehend something's missing. Like a piece of your heart sunk with the Kaiju. I knew that cycle all too well. And now Mako, a girl who'd had her heart ripped out of her as a child, suffered the cycle once again as another piece of her soul died with the Marshall. But she'd never show it. Not even to me, someone who'd she'd shared herself with.
I wasn't surprised when I found her. Sitting out on the helipad alone, the festivities inside the Shatterdome continuing despite her lack of attendance. She let her legs dangle off the edge, her hands clasped tightly together. Her shoulder's shook slightly.
"Mako?" I said when I was only a few feet away. She jumped, startled, and turned her head to peek out at me from the corner of her eye. Quickly she turned it back and wiped her eyes. I stepped closer.
"You okay?" She patted the space next to her. I sat.
"Yes, I'm fine." A lie, we both knew. "And you?"
"I've been better." I half smiled, bringing my hand up to rub the back of my neck. She smiled slightly in response. Looking out at the horizon her expression went grim. It hurt me seeing her like this; knowing that she was in pain but not being able to do anything about it until she acknowledges it. I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.
"Mako," my voice almost pleaded," Really, are you okay?" She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. She kept her eyes on the ocean. I brought my other hand up to cup her cheek. Gently I turned her face so I could look her in the eyes.
"Please." Her eyes flitted all over my face, tears starting to well up.
"I–" was all she could get out. She leaned her body onto mine, her head on my shoulder and hands on my arm. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pressed my cheek to the top of her head. I stroked her cheek with my other hand as the silent tears fell down her face. We sat like that for what felt like hours, and I'd had sat there for hours more if it meant making her feel better. After a few minutes though, she finally spoke, her voice coming out low and hoarse.
"He knew. He knew before he even got in the Jaeger." I don't know what'd be worse: knowing beforehand that they're gonna die, or having them taken from you suddenly. Either way, you've lost someone important and there's nothing you can do about it. But I couldn't say that; it would have been too harsh too soon. I decided on just nodding. She shifted so that she could look at me, her cheeks tearstained and eyes red.
"He could have stayed behind. He could have lived," she whispered. I leaned my head forward so that our foreheads touched. She closed her eyes.
"Sometimes we have to remember that the world is bigger than what's going on in our own lives. And he knew that" Mako wrapped her arms around me. I reciprocated. Cheek to my chest, I placed a kiss to the top of her head.
I could've sat like this forever, if only the mood were lighter.
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