We're Not Mary-Sues, Honestly!
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter & Co. [insert witty disclaimer joke here]
Summary: Oh no! Hogwarts is being overrun by Mary-Sues! It was a bit odd when the first 17 turned up, claiming to be Harry's long-lost cousins. It was slightly amusing when the next 38 turned out to be Voldemort's daughter. But even Dumbledore began to be a bit frazzled when 29 more appeared, all claiming to be his granddaughter. So what did he do? He set out to prove that not all American transfer students were evil, and maybe get rid of those horrible Mary-Sues in the process. And that, of course, involved calling in reinforcements--me, Mish, and Charnette.
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Harry Potter pulled his trunk onto the scarlet Hogwarts Express, wondering what his seventh year held in store for him.
"I hope there won't be any more of those. . . things. . . this year," he remarked to his best friend, Ron Weasley.
"I know. They were so annoying, even if some of them were pretty hot..." Ron said, running a hand through his neon-orange hair absentmindedly.
Hermione looked at them like they were crazy as they sat down in an empty compartment. She said, "I personally think the worst thing about them was--"
"That they were all five times smarter than any normal human being, yes, we know," Luna Lovegood cut her off, stepping into the compartment and flopping down exhaustedly next to Harry. "And by the way, there ARE more of them this year. I just passed a bunch of them-- they're even worse than the last ones. There's a bunch of Snape's daughters, Remus's daughters, and quite a lot who say they're--"
"Oh no," interjected Ron, coming to a sudden realization. "Don't tell me. It's . . ." he trailed off, unable to voice his horror.
"Sirius must have been quite the womanizer," said Harry, pissed off as hell and yet struggling not to laugh at the idea of his godfather surrounded by pretty girls.
"WHAT?" said Ginny, sticking her head into the compartment. "Sirius did WHAT???"
"Nothing much," said Hermione airily. "Just something that caused him to have-- how many daughters did you say there were, Luna?"
"Fifteen, unfortunately." Luna sighed, giving Ginny a please-don't-shoot-the-messenger look.
"Oh dear God. Not more of them," muttered Ginny, sitting down on Harry, even thoguh there were plenty of seats in the compartment. "I thought they'd all disappear or something this year."
"Well, they haven't, and I for one am not going to sit around and let them drive us insane," said Hermione crossly.
"I second that," said Luna. "Hey, Harry, did Remus tell you about any of the pranks the Marauders pulled? Because we need to think of something, the faster the better."
"Oh, we don't need to worry about that," said Harry, spitting out a mouthful of Ginny's hair. "I still have Fred and George's birthday gift. All we need to do is make sure McGonagall's not around when we put the--"
He was interrupted by the compartment door opening. Expecting it to be Malfoy, he pulled out his wand, but it wasn't him. It was three girls who looked about fourteen years old. The tallest one had dark skin, glasses, and very short hair, and was holding a trembling black-and-white cat. [A/N-- sorry, Charnette, but I made Toby a bit of a coward... ] Another of the girls had black hair and glasses and acne, and her eyes widened when she saw Harry. The third girl had brown hair streaked with blond and a tiny hamster sitting on her shoulder, and it was she who spoke up.
"Hey, can we sit here?" she said in an American accent, looking as though she already knew the answer. "Nobody else will let us into their compartment."
The short girl seemed to think this was the wrong thing to say, and judging from Harry's and Ron's expressions, she was quite right. She looked at them, irritated, and suddenly burst out:
"Oh, come on, do we look like Mary-Sues to you? I mean, since when do those freaky things wear glasses?"
"And we're not related to Harry, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, or Sirius, either." added the tallest girl, answering Ron's unspoken question. "Besides, Gutenburg there"-- she gestured towards the hamster-- "has tried to escape twice already, and if we don't get into a compartment soon, he'll climb out the window or something."
"Well... alright." said Harry. "But only if you help us get rid of those... things."
Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter & Co. [insert witty disclaimer joke here]
Summary: Oh no! Hogwarts is being overrun by Mary-Sues! It was a bit odd when the first 17 turned up, claiming to be Harry's long-lost cousins. It was slightly amusing when the next 38 turned out to be Voldemort's daughter. But even Dumbledore began to be a bit frazzled when 29 more appeared, all claiming to be his granddaughter. So what did he do? He set out to prove that not all American transfer students were evil, and maybe get rid of those horrible Mary-Sues in the process. And that, of course, involved calling in reinforcements--me, Mish, and Charnette.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry Potter pulled his trunk onto the scarlet Hogwarts Express, wondering what his seventh year held in store for him.
"I hope there won't be any more of those. . . things. . . this year," he remarked to his best friend, Ron Weasley.
"I know. They were so annoying, even if some of them were pretty hot..." Ron said, running a hand through his neon-orange hair absentmindedly.
Hermione looked at them like they were crazy as they sat down in an empty compartment. She said, "I personally think the worst thing about them was--"
"That they were all five times smarter than any normal human being, yes, we know," Luna Lovegood cut her off, stepping into the compartment and flopping down exhaustedly next to Harry. "And by the way, there ARE more of them this year. I just passed a bunch of them-- they're even worse than the last ones. There's a bunch of Snape's daughters, Remus's daughters, and quite a lot who say they're--"
"Oh no," interjected Ron, coming to a sudden realization. "Don't tell me. It's . . ." he trailed off, unable to voice his horror.
"Sirius must have been quite the womanizer," said Harry, pissed off as hell and yet struggling not to laugh at the idea of his godfather surrounded by pretty girls.
"WHAT?" said Ginny, sticking her head into the compartment. "Sirius did WHAT???"
"Nothing much," said Hermione airily. "Just something that caused him to have-- how many daughters did you say there were, Luna?"
"Fifteen, unfortunately." Luna sighed, giving Ginny a please-don't-shoot-the-messenger look.
"Oh dear God. Not more of them," muttered Ginny, sitting down on Harry, even thoguh there were plenty of seats in the compartment. "I thought they'd all disappear or something this year."
"Well, they haven't, and I for one am not going to sit around and let them drive us insane," said Hermione crossly.
"I second that," said Luna. "Hey, Harry, did Remus tell you about any of the pranks the Marauders pulled? Because we need to think of something, the faster the better."
"Oh, we don't need to worry about that," said Harry, spitting out a mouthful of Ginny's hair. "I still have Fred and George's birthday gift. All we need to do is make sure McGonagall's not around when we put the--"
He was interrupted by the compartment door opening. Expecting it to be Malfoy, he pulled out his wand, but it wasn't him. It was three girls who looked about fourteen years old. The tallest one had dark skin, glasses, and very short hair, and was holding a trembling black-and-white cat. [A/N-- sorry, Charnette, but I made Toby a bit of a coward... ] Another of the girls had black hair and glasses and acne, and her eyes widened when she saw Harry. The third girl had brown hair streaked with blond and a tiny hamster sitting on her shoulder, and it was she who spoke up.
"Hey, can we sit here?" she said in an American accent, looking as though she already knew the answer. "Nobody else will let us into their compartment."
The short girl seemed to think this was the wrong thing to say, and judging from Harry's and Ron's expressions, she was quite right. She looked at them, irritated, and suddenly burst out:
"Oh, come on, do we look like Mary-Sues to you? I mean, since when do those freaky things wear glasses?"
"And we're not related to Harry, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Snape, Lupin, or Sirius, either." added the tallest girl, answering Ron's unspoken question. "Besides, Gutenburg there"-- she gestured towards the hamster-- "has tried to escape twice already, and if we don't get into a compartment soon, he'll climb out the window or something."
"Well... alright." said Harry. "But only if you help us get rid of those... things."
