Author's note - The following story is pure crack. I sadly own nothing of Supernatural - that honour belongs to Eric Kripke, but I like to play in his sand box for a while. I do have the rather dubious luck of owning the cow featured in this tale though ...

"So we're here to investigate - WHAT?" I asked my brother Sam, as he stood grinning his hugely dimpled smile by the side of a seemingly empty field. "Invisible cows? Ghostly horses? Sheep that have turned into clouds and mysteriously vanished into the sky? Cowpats that Jesus wanted for a sunbeam? What Sammy - the suspense is really killing me on this one!"

"You'll like this one, Dean! Mutant cows from Mars with laser beams for eys, that suck people dry, notably farmers!" Sam said, with a squint out over the field, into the bright day.

"Mutant - what? Ill tempered sea bass?" I asked, thinking about the first Austin Powers movie.

"Dean, be serious!" Sam said, looking distinctly unamused by my last statement.

"I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking this whole situation seriously. I mean, this is way too strange, even for us and that is saying something!" I said, to Sam, who nodded agreement to my statement.

"I agree with your statement!" he said.

"Sam!" I said, suddenly.

"I mean, it's not every day, you come face to face with a vampiric cow from Mars with laser beams for eyes, attacking all the farmers round these parts," Sam continued, as though he hadn't heard me speak, and maybe he hadn't.

"Sam!" I said, again, more urgently this time. "Sammy!"

"What Dean, what?" Sam said, snapping back to reality, or at least, our version of reality, strange though it is.

"There's a cow. Right behind you! It's priming it's Klingon death rays on your starboard bows as we speak!" I told my brother, gesturing wildly to the black and white cow behind my baby brother.

The cow's eyes were staring to glow a fiery red even as it said ominously - "Mooooo!"

"One I don't think Klingon's have Death Rays, that would be the Romulans or the Vulcans or the Andarians, some bloody alien and two, prime your instrument!" Sam screamed, even as he whipped round to face the alien in a Jackie Chan stance.

"Prime your own instrument, Bitch!" I said, offended.

"The mirror, Jerk, the mirror!" Sam said, giving me a punch, as the eyes of the cow grew brighter and brighter, and its moos grew ever more ominous

."Son-of-a-!" I said, drawing the mirror and directing it at the cow, just in time, for the lasers shot out from the cow's eyes, hitting the mirror at such an angle, that it bounced back onto the cow, felling it instantly.

It hit the ground, with a solid "thump" and a startled last "moo" before no more lasers would trouble farmers again.

"Seemed like the cow had a problem with her milk being taken!" Sam said, looking down at the fallen cow with something that I could have sworn was almost sympathy.

"Shame the damn thing didn't stay standing. I would have loved to have pushed the damn thing over!" I said. "That would have been moooooosic to my ears!"

Sam looked at me over the top of three tons of martian cow, before he said - "Dean?"

"Yes?" I asked, blandly.

"Do me a favour?" Sam said, just as blandly.

"Yes, of course. You're my brother! I'd do anything for you within reason!" I said, getting a little suspicious now.

"Good, Dean. Do me a favour and shut the hell up!" Sam enunciated slowly. "And no more bad jokes!"

I opened my mouth, took one look at Sam's pointing admonishing finger, and shut my mouth again, without saying one word. Sam nodded in satisfaction, before leading me from the field, leaving the laser eyed Martian cow to whatever fate the farmer had planned for it. I only hoped that said fate didn't involve laser eyed martian cow burgers.

Although, knowing McDonalds, I'd believe almost anything of their burgers...