Author's Note: Hello people, this is a parody of Neptin's Screwed up Stories. So yeah... I will throw some of his references in too. Enjoy.
Round 1
In the world of Halo 5 multiplayer there were 2 teams, red and blue.
They spawned on a space map (I don't know what it's called and I'm to lazy to look it up, but fuck that! This is a screwed up story anyways.)
they both went into gravity lifts and flew, unfortunately the gravity lifts were tampered with and the red and blue Spartans collided with each other and both exploded in a bloody and gory mess.
Round 2
The teams re-spawned but before the battle could begin 343 Industries came in and said "sorry but we have to replace these shitty gravity lifts."
*3 hours and 10 minutes later.*
the new grav lifts were installed and the teams stepped onto them but this time they flew too far and fell off the map cuz of physics.
343 Industries apologized again and had to reinstall another set of gravity lifts, cuz they know that all beta games suck.
Round 3
Finally the grav lifts were working the teams landed safely on the battlefield and the fight began.
A blue Spartan used a ground pound on a red Spartan... But all of a sudden Nintendo's famous mascot Mario jumps in and halts the battle and yells at the blue Spartan angrily "Oh mama Mia! You-a stole my-a move, I'll see you in court Motha Fucka!"
And with that Mario used his ground pound on the blue Spartan and that Spartan died.
After that Mario disappeared.
And the round ended cuz 343 Industries got sued by Nintendo and they didn't have any money to fund the Xbox live servers. :(
Round 4
1 year later...
343 got its servers back and the same match began as normal, 3 blue Spartans and 4 red Spartans.
All of a sudden a blue Spartan grabbed the prophet's Bane weapon (which is the new energy sword for the beta) and shoved it right up a red Spartans asshole.
The red Spartan then got deep-throated by that same Spartan and the red Spartan died and hour later cuz his colon got torn which made his asshole bleed and cuz he was choking on the blue Spartans chode-like penis.
Now it's 3 vs 3.
30 minutes later... With 2 guys on both sides getting killed.
(Cuz I'm a lazy high school freshman and I don't feel like typing all of it out.)
Now it was only 1 red Spartan and one blue Spartan remaining all of a sudden Krusty the clown's (from the Simpsons show, if you don't know who Krusty is then just imagine the announcer as someone that you know.) voice projected over a microphone and said "hey hey kids! Hoo hu hu hu hu hu, let's make this interesting.
Put your hands together for Del Rio Ass Face!"
All of a sudden Del Rio From Halo 4 Screwed Up version came walking on the battle-field and defecated diarrhea all over the arena until it was like an ice rink.
The 2 enemy Spartans looked at each other like da fuq? They tried to end the battle but it was too slippery cuz it was as slippery as an ice rink.
The 2 Spartans gave up and started to wrestle in the liquified shit.
But then they trolled the audience and did a 2 girls 1 cup re-enactment.
Then they created Dicks out of the poo.
And threw them at each other.
343 Industries said "FUCK THIS!" And shutdown the servers. And that my children is how and why the Halo 5 multiplayer beta ended.
Author's Note: I had a lot of fun writing this! XD Please rate and review and don't forget to check out Neptin the Sangheli. Until next time :D
