A/N: So I'll be tagging trigger warnings at the beginning of every chapter just because I know how harmful even mentioning this stuff can be. Please do not read it if any of the following offend or trigger you! I want readers but not if it means one of you will be harmed after. Take care of yourselves.
TriggerWarnings: self-harm, hints of child neglect, self-loathing
He panted quietly, eyes tearing up the way they did every other time he was this low emotionally. Blood was now running down the thin strip he'd cut on his arm, it hurt and it was stinging but it wasn't stinging enough to take away the pain. It never did. He felt a wave of guilt wash over him, guilt and pain and regret and shame. There was always shame.
Randy sobbed quietly to himself, staring at the blood for a few more seconds before hearing his mom come up the steps. He cursed and got a tissue, wiping the blood off and hissing at the pain. Clarity. Enough for it to make this cut worth it, maybe he wouldn't have to go deeper tonight after all. Randy stood up and went into the bathroom, running it under cold water and hissing at the pain. As sick as it was, this was his favorite part: the pain of cleaning the wound always hurt more than the actual wound.
"Keith.. come downstairs, dinner is ready."
Of course, what other reason would his mother have of showing up? Only time they spoke was over dinner, it wasn't fair to her really they spoke but she never listened and of course that was worse. "Comin' mom. Just takin' a leak."
"Language. Ugh.. we're waiting on you, hurry up."
Randy rolled his eyes, dabbing the cut and watching as the blood started drying over it. he waited to make sure it was no longer bleeding before putting on a thin hoodie and some jeans. He headed downstairs and smiled politely at the woman setting the table "Thank you." He took his usual seat next to his younger brother and across his sister, smiling at both of them and looking to the empty seat that belonged to his father "…dad still in the office?" Wasn't even a question at this point but he still figured he should ask.
"Yes. He's actually on another business trip so he won't be back for a few nights."
Another nod, eyes cutting over to Nate and offering him a small smile. He felt his brother squeeze his hand under the table and sighed before looking at his mom and slowly pulling his hand away so they could get dinner over with.
Awkward small talk and meaningless conversations later, he was back up in his room and working on history homework which he actually enjoyed more than he should. Randy finished typing up some things for it and put his laptop away, grabbing his cellphone and checking his messages.
[From: Jay] Yo, we still on for tomorrow night?
[From: Psycho] Orton your ass better not back out tomorrow, man.
[From: Sugar Tits] That chick keeps asking me about you. Remember it's after the game, alright?
[From: Minnie] You better not bail on my friend.
He felt a small wave of anxiety roll through him but did what he always did, shoved it aside.
[To: Group] Calm your asses. I'll be there. Not like I can bail. We're all going together after the game. Now leave me alone. I still care about my grades unlike you fuckers and I have a test tomorrow. Night.
After that it was a variety of responses from the group and how he was a nerd and to give it a rest already because his flawless GPA wouldn't be jeopardized by one failed test. That might've been true but studying is what gave Randy his break from the shit going on in his life.. or rather lacking from it.
So he spent the rest of the night studying for his first AP Calc test and doing sample problems until his head was so tired and vision was so blurry he was sure he was going to pass out on the desk. Randy packed up his notes and laid out his clothes for the morning before crawling into bed and falling asleep.
Few hours later he woke up to the sound of his door opening. He swallowed, sitting up and pulling the covers open from the side of the bed "c'mon.. I have a test tomorrow.. next time just sleep in here." He felt his 10 year old brother slide under his covers and move as close to him as possible. Randy sighed and buried his face back in the pillow.
"I miss Dad."
Randy felt a familiar pang in his chest and immediately poked the scar from earlier to forget "..I miss him too. He'll be back soon." And then they'd at least have one parent around. He gave the younger boy a pat on the back and left his hand there "Sleep, Nate. You have school tomorrow. I'll wake you up before she notices you're in here."
Their mother was one of the 'tough-love' parents and nurturing was something Randy didn't even think was in her vocabulary. All she cared about was his father's bank account and making sure nobody in the family ruined the family name so she could keep getting money. She claimed to love them but.. Randy couldn't remember one time she actually held him. But that was something he wasn't allowed to think about, Seniors in high school didn't have mommy issues. At least that's what society told him.
…
He buttoned up his long-sleeve, fixing the collar and letting it hang over his tight-fitting designer jeans. Yeah, everything about his look screamed 'privileged' but then again it had to. Randy ran a hand through his short hair before grabbing his book bag and keys to his Charger sitting in the driveway "I'll be back late. Party after the game.. don't wait up!" his mom never did of course, but it was still nice pretending that he'd have someone worrying for him.
A half an hour later, Randy parked the car and smirked when he walked up to his group of friends which consisted of the co-captain of the football team, best kicker on the team, and lead running back of the team, oh and the head cheerleader who was dating his best friend. Perfect boy had to have the perfect group of friends after all. Randy slapped John's shoulder "Sup, man? We ready to win this one again?"
John grinned and looped his arm around Mickie's waist "Yeah.. that's if you don't somehow get injured from now and 7pm."
Randy laughed but it promptly turned into a hiss when Dean walked up and punched him in the gut "gotta watch your back, Orton. Remember that out in the field later. You're our whole plan on winnin' the damn thing."
He punched the shorter teen in the arm "Fuckin' asshole. I thought all your power was in your legs?"
"Oh but I gotta keep the arms pumped just in case football team tanks and I can join boxin' instead."
He snorted "yeah, I feel bad for the poor fucker that's ever gotta box against you."
"As you should, fruitbasket."
Randy rolled his eyes and glanced over when he saw Cody's car pull up, smirking at the man when he saw he was with the captain of the swim team. Cody's cheeks flushed and Randy winked at him. He saw the smaller teen mouth "shut up." to him but it lost its fire especially since Randy could practically hear the lisp and besides, Cody wasn't all that intimidating.
Once the group caught on to what Randy was staring at the wolf whistles and cheering began and both Cody and Ted looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them whole. Randy chuckled and grabbed his bag off the ground before heading inside for his test "I'll see you fuckers later. Mick, tell Taryn I can't wait for the party."
With that he left his friends and headed into Calc, immediately dropping his bag at the door and just keeping his calculator and pencils with him. Randy was the first to finish the test, turning it in and going to sit back at his desk this time with his phone as he surfed the internet.
The rest of the day was cake after that, easy distractions to keep him busy up until practice.
"Remember, the plan is always keep going and if anyone else is open, pass. Don't be greedy."
Randy smirked and fixed up his shoulder pads, walking up to John and smacking him on the ass "Did I tell you I didn't get enough sleep last night? Because if I fuck up.. that's what happened." He felt a small hand on his arm and turned to see Cody, smirking at him
"Guess you just won't fuck up then, right? We need this shit to qualify for championship tournament.. there's no time for 'fucking up'"
Randy chuckled, pinching Cody's nose "Stop tryin' to act tough, Suga-.."
"Do. Not. Call. Me. That."
He laughed "Well maybe if you hadn't told me about that time you and.."
"Orton! Rhodes! Get your asses to the tunnel!"
Randy looked at Cody, smirking at him before winking and sliding in his mouthpiece before putting on his helmet and jogging over to the starting lineup. Adrenaline was rushing through his veins as he bounced in place, hyping himself up for the game.
Football and school work were his only real releases from the shit at home and the shit from his past; they were the only times Randy got to be good at something and feel like life would be okay if he could just keep going.
Cheering, almost deafening as Randy and John lead the team out onto the field and the band played for them. Most of the town was in the stands, it was the first time their upper-middle class school (Santa Barbara Senior High) got leagued with the privates and boarding schools that seemed to perfect NFL stars. And this time, Randy was going to make sure they got to the championship.
He scanned over the crowd, seeing John's family and Nate sitting next to them all alone. Randy closed his eyes and forced the image out of his head and took his position. John called out the play and after that it was short bursts of play followed by random cheering or booing for hours on end. He couldn't even remember half-time but that was probably because second quarter ended with him tackled into the safe zone. His ribs were burning but they were tied and Randy had to make sure it didn't stay that way. He could only focus on the burning of his muscles and bones and the feel of victory so close, there was no room for anything else. Randy ran with the ball: 15 seconds left. He wouldn't make it. He glanced over and saw one of the juniors open: Randy stopped immediately and the crowd seemed to be holding their breath but he gave the pass, hoping the kid would catch it and breathing out when the crowd went crazy. Reigns got tackled to the ground but it was after the catch was made and the touchdown was scored. He jumped up and looked over at the time card, 3 seconds. Randy grinned and whistled for Dean to get ready, they were milking the rest of this play and winning by seven points. They needed to make a name for themselves. Play was reset, Dean was at his position and the whistle blew. Fucker didn't waste any time preparing, he kicked it right off the bat and landed them a perfect point. He screamed out and ran over to Dean just as the end whistle blew. He tackled the fucker to the ground and half the team doggy piled Dean while the other half picked up Reigns and carried him around like a fucking king.
Randy chuckled and struggled out of his helmet and slipped out the mouth piece "..still think you're gonna have to join boxing?" He grinned when Dean laughed and head-butted him in that weird way he did to show affection.
"Fuck you, man. I'm stayin' right here."
Randy grinned and got off his friend, helping him up and heading out to get ready for the remainder of their night.
A/N: So I'm starting something new because I need more angst and have an urge to write up my Randy for some time now. Any feedback would be great thank you. And remember this is just the preview chapter I'm going more in depth on his past later on. Review?
