Preamble: Written for the May edition of the 2008 Maximum Challenge Drabble Contest on . The theme was "Lessons Learned" and it had to be 500 words.

Make Out Tactics: Lessons for the Everyday Ninja

It was a typical Friday night at Konoha's most popular shinobi watering hole and the bar was buzzing with excitement. Amidst the hoard of half-drunk bar goers, a lone ninja sat tucked away in a discreet corner of the overcrowded bar. Balancing a sake saucer in one hand and an Icha Icha book in the other, Hatake Kakashi looked mysterious, bored, and completely unapproachable. Despite his lackadaisical expression, he happened to be thoroughly engrossed in his newest purchase – Make Out Tactics: Life Lessons for the Everyday Ninja.

After taking a quick break to refill his sake saucer he flipped to the first lesson.

Lesson One: When attempting to win the attentions of a lady, it is wise to begin with a subtle compliment.

Kakashi looked up from the pages of his book and caught sight of an attractive young woman standing next to the bar a few feet away. The form fitting black dress she was wearing hugged her curves in all the right places and he lifted an eyebrow in appreciation. For a test subject he could do worse.

Eager to put this newest lesson to the test, he tucked the book out of sight and made his way over to her. Sensing his approach, she cast a furtive glance in his direction before accepting a pint of beer from the bartender with a smile. Feeling confident, Kakashi leaned an arm casually against the bar and let his eyes sweep the room before coming to rest on her face. She was really quite pretty.

"Your tits look great in that dress," he remarked with a charming smile.

Noticing how her cheeks turned a sudden pleasant shade of pink, he inwardly congratulated himself on successfully mastering lesson one. Confident that she'd taken the bait, he traced a finger down the smooth skin of her upper arm and leaned in to whisper suggestively, "Why don't you and I get out of here?"

The sharp intake of breath that sounded next to his ear and the way her pulse suddenly careened at breakneck rhythm were music to his ears. He was already planning how to thank Jiraiya for his excellent tips when he found himself nearly drowned by a face full of beer. Drenched and confused, he watched with dismay as his angel stormed away shouting insults of "CHAUVINIST PIG!" at him over her shoulder.

At a loss for words, Kakashi blinked and pointedly ignored Asuma's roaring laughter from a nearby table. Defeated, he skulked back to his seat and retrieved Make Out Tactics from his back pocket. Scanning Lesson One once more, he noticed the fine print he hadn't bothered to read the first time around:

(In these types of situations it is wise to use benign compliments such as: 'You smell lovely tonight' or 'That dress looks beautiful on you'. Avoid any and all references to the female anatomy!)

Collapsing back against his chair, Kakashi let out a pained groan and promptly thumped his head against the bar.

"Well… damn."

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Author's Note: I know it's just a drabble, but reviews are appreciated all the same. :)