I want to say I despise him for everything he has done. I want to say I loathe his entire being for everything he put me through, for all the pain and all the tears. I want to, but I can't. I am quite literally unable. Perhaps it's because I don't hate him, or perhaps it's my traitorous brain turning on me. Reminding me constantly of everything we were. Of everything we had. I want to hate him.
Instead I love him still.
I remember his smile, his voice, his laugh, and his touch. I remember the exact shade of blond his hair was in the bright sunlight. The exact colour of his eyes when he was happy. I long for those things again. The easy feelings we had together.
My melancholy will not help me in the slightest. I try and say to myself. He is gone, no longer yours, and he left because of you. Because you were a coward, because you were not strong. I understand all of this, I feel it down to my soul, the aching void his absence left behind.
I try to hate him, but I remember too much. I remember his love.
A/N: Feeling down lately. I wrote this in my head in Psyc...does that say something about my mental health?
