The Death Eaters slowly walked into the meeting room, not prepared to see their master.
Narcissa opened the door, and they didn't see the frowning face of Lord Voldemort, no, they saw him with a distressed look on his face.
They all reluctantly sat down and Voldemort waited a few minutes before beginning.
"The Order is one step ahead of us," he said disdainfully.
"Ahead of us how?" Asked Bellatrix, confused and angry he wouldn't tell her what happened. Usually, she was the first one who would know of future plans.
He ignored her and stood up, the Death Eaters flinched. He started to walk around the table.
"How long have we been together?" He asked, looking at Lucius, who timidly answered the question.
"Since 1970, milord. Well, some of us. Myra went off and married that toaster ," He shuddered, as if the sheer thought was horrifying enough. "I still remembered when she wanted to copulate with it."
All the Death Eaters and Voldemort – he being the one who caught her – shuddered.
"Yes, that was," Voldemort paused before speaking, "rather unpleasant." He scrunched up his nose as if he smelled a rotten egg.
"She almost got burned once." Narcissa said.
"She did." Yaxley confirmed. He shot a look towards Severus to continue the tale.
"It was on her pelvis," he said, and Voldemort blankly stared at him, "and I had to rub-" he stopped talking, knowing the Death Eaters got the gist. Well, almost all.
"What happened?" Voldemort asked. The Death Eaters groaned. Voldemort wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Just ask Harry Potter. Why didn't he just throw the baby out the window? This is why wizards were useless.*
"That's so pathetic, even Wormtail understood it." Said Rodolphus.
He pointed to Wormtail for emphasis, who cheerfully waved.
Voldemort growled, "On the other hand," he said, hoping to change the subject, "we need to do something about the Order. They all have Sailor Moon action figures—"
Bella spat out her drink and turned to Voldemort, "That's what you've been stressing over? STUPID DOLLS!?" Voldemort gasped dramatically.
"Dolls? THEY'RE—"
"Action figures." Said the Death Eaters in unison.
Voldemort looked smug, "Now, I have hired someone..."
He was cut off by a high pitched girly scream coming from the door that lead to another room. Everyone looked at it with curiosity.
"I have hired someone to help us one up the freaking Order. Those bastards."
There was a thud that was ignored.
"Isn't our motive to eradicate the Order?" Said Bella. Voldemort didn't say anything, she rambled on.
"So why are we worried about stupid DOLLS when we should be working on bringing down Harry Potter. And–"
"Oh my God, shut up, Hermione." Severus said, knowing that angered her.
"Don't you dare-!" She shouted.
Voldemort banged on the table. The whole room fell silent.
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted," he looked at Bellatrix, who growled at Severus, "I have someone who can..."
The door burst open and a girl jumped on Volzzdemort and started to choke him. It took Lucius and Severus to pull her off.
Bella laughed, "This is the girl?"
She glared at Bella and gave her the bird.
"You, what is your name?" Severus asked. But she wasn't listening.
"So this is the Malfoy Manor? Always wanted to see it. And who might you be?" She asked no one in general.
"We are the Death Eaters!" Bella said proudly, "We live to serve our–"
"Did you say the Death Eaters?" Voldemort nodded.
"Oh, this is going to be fun." She said, smirking
*Thank you, tumblr, for that.
A/N: Well, here you have it. OUADE chapter 1 is complete! This will be a random fanfic like Once Upon a Freakin' Time and The Many Harry Potters of Little Hangleton.
This might've been the worst chapter yet. Even though it's the first one...
