Author's Note: All characters are owned by Bioware, as well as the quest name, "Old, Unhappy, Far-Off Things."

It's been awhile since I've written fanfiction, but Bioware has spurred me to write again with their epic sci-fi drama, Mass Effect. I have been obsessed with these games for years and the great characters (Femshep, Garrus, Tali, Mordin, Thane, Wrex, Joker; the list goes on and on). Though I loved Mass Effect 3 (ending definitely excluded from this love; strong and bitter feelings about the ending and its lack of closure and showing how our choice meaningfully impacted the ending), there were a few things I wished had been in the game.

One of which was making your backgrounds and service records matter again, something that was also missing in ME2. It's pretty much non-existent in ME3, and this would have been a perfect place for it. This is the end of the Shepard's story; there are more reflective moments that Shepard experiences, as many producers and writers of the game said, but not on Shepard's background. At least give people the choice. If they did not want their Shepard to look back on those times, fine, but I wanted the opportunity to have a quest related to the Colonist background (my favorite of the three). Or the very least a mention, besides the one Shepard says on Eden Prime during the From Ashes DLC.

This is my attempt to show what a mission to Mindoir would be like, as well as some, good ole'fashioned romance between Garrus and Shepard.

Enjoy!


-1-

Beep...Beep...Beep...

Jane Shepard's eyes closed at the sound of the intercom, wishing the asari councilor had waited just a little longer to call. Just an hour or so. So Shepard had time to figure out what to tell Tevos. To have time for Jane Shepard to pull herself together.

Shepard felt her eyes begin to sting, but she kept her eyelids firmly shut, her teeth clamping down on her bottom lip to keep the determined tears at bay. Now was not the time. She was still on duty. She was still Commander Shepard.

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Shepard walked over to the comm to answer the councilor's call. Shepard refused to look Tevos in the eye.

"Commander!" The urgency in Tevos's voice was not what crushed Shepard. It was the tone of cautious optimism. The same tone Shepard had heard many times when she had promised to help people in trouble. Shepard was supposed to be the strongest, the savior, the one who always got the job done.

Who always won.

The woman who stood before the holo-image of the asari councilor felt as if the weight of responsibilities had fully crashed down on her.

"Councilor," Shepard greeted, keeping her head bowed, staring down at the console.

"We...contact...Thessia. How soon will the Crucible be ready?" There it was. With that one question, the floodgates would open. Shepard would have to acknowledge her failure.

"Councilor, we didn't get the information we needed." Shepard paused, the taste of bile rising in her throat. "We have no idea how to finish the Crucible."

"What happened?" Tevos asked, emotional distress clearly ringing her voice, her entire body tensing.

"Cerberus was there. We...were defeated." Shepard clenched the sides of the console tightly, but forced herself to look at the holo-image of the asari.

"And Thessia? What was the situation on Thessia?"

"Deteriorating. Fast. The Reapers are there in strength." Shepard's voice broke at the last word. She did not know how long the Commander façade would stay until it crumbled into tiny pieces. Until she allowed herself to grieve.

"Then you'll excuse me...there must be preparations, continuities of civilization to make." The asari councilor paused, head in her hand. She took a shuttering breath. "I never thought this day would come."

"None of us did," Shepard said, unsure of what to say. "I'm..." She watched as the holo-image quickly disappeared from view.

"Sorry."

Shepard stood before the console for another moment, allowing a lone tear to slide down her face before quickly brushing it away.

"You can't let this get to you, Jane, no matter how terrible this is," Shepard encouraged herself, shaking her head furiously at allowing her emotions to overpower her. Emotions had gotten her into nothing but trouble sixteen years ago.

She heard EDI call her name from the adjacent room and quickly strode over to the AI.

"Asari forces are in full retreat, Shepard. We must leave asari space before the Reapers take full control of the system," EDI advised, fixing Shepard with a pointed stare with her metallic eyes. Thankfully, Shepard was past the point where she was no longer reminded of Dr. Eva and Mars when Shepard looked at EDI; otherwise, the intensity of EDI's gaze would have concerned her.

Shepard nodded and commanded EDI to get them out of the system. She looked over at Liara, who looked so small, her shoulders slumped in pure defeat and sorrow. Shepard reached over to lay a gentle hand on Liara's shoulder. Liara looked up, tears frozen in her eyes.

"Shepard...no one could have predicted...Cerberus would reach Thessia before us."

Shepard shook her head. "It's my job to be prepared. No matter what. Not only is Thessia lost, but the data on the Catalyst as well."

Without warning, Shepard slammed her hands down on the console in front of her, ignoring the stinging sensation in her hands.

"I'm sick of Cerberus beating us at every turn," Shepard ground out, a harshness creeping into her voice that she rarely expressed as a calm, diplomatic soldier.

"I say it's time to kick them in the balls for once," James said, punching his left fist into his right.

"I'm with James. It's time for payback. Hell knows they've earned it," Ash chimed in.

Shepard had known this day was coming. Since she had walked away from Cerberus after destroying the Collector Base, she knew the Illusive Man would not just let her walk away. Say what you wanted about the Illusive Man, but lack of determination would never be a character description.

As Shepard listened to Traynor tell her about the blocked Cerberus signal on Horizon, Shepard could feel a pair of eyes on her. A pair of steel-blue eyes, to be exact. She chanced a quick glance and saw Garrus, first mentee, then friend, then lover, staring at her intently.

Turians did not have the same flexibility on their faces as humans or asari and did not have the same ability to convey multiple facial expressions. Actually, many of the alien species had this trait, especially the elcor. However, Garrus did not need the face of a human or asari for Shepard to know he was worried about her. The tight mandibles against his face, his crossed arms against his chest, the burning intensity in his eyes. The same burning intensity he had had at the Wards when he admitted she needed to take care of herself because he needed her.

She knew he would attempt to get her to let everything out, to talk about her failure, assure her it wasn't her fault. Or make her sleep, like after the whole curing the genophage.

"Then I guess we'll be heading to Horizon soon," Shepard said, staring at the holo-image of the Crucible. If only they had not been stopped by so many husks, if only they had gotten there faster. But Shepard knew better than anyone the futility of the "what if" questions. There was absolutely no point to them. Nothing would change. The situation was what it was, and imagining the different ways it could have been different would drive anyone insane.

"I don't care how slim the leads are at this point. I want that Prothean data! I want Cerberus to pay for every singly life they have destroyed!" Shepard knew no one needed to be reminded of the loss of her unit on Akuze.

Shepard ordered the dismissal of her squadmates. As expected, Garrus chose to stay behind.

"Shepard." He reached out to lay a hand on her cheek, but Shepard stepped out of the way.

"Please, Garrus, not now. I know you feel like I need to talk about this, but I'm fine," Shepard said, trying to put on a brave face, but she could already tell Garrus would not budge from his position.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a terrible liar, Shepard?"

"Only because you are one of the few people who can read me like an open book," Shepard answered wryly.

Any other day, Garrus would have continued this bantering game between them, with some smart-ass and cocky comment in the only way Garrus Vakarian could. Instead, he reached out again and wrapped his arms firmly around her waist and rested his forehead against hers in a turian kiss.

"I know you won't believe me, but Thessia was not your fault, Jane," he whispered, his sub-tone coming out more strongly than usual.

Shepard wanted so much to believe Garrus. She had always known going into this war not everyone could be saved, but a group of civilians was a lot different than an entire planet going up in flames. Or harvested until everything was an indoctrinated husk, or banshee, as the case may be for the asari.

"Isn't this the time when you say that you can't save them all? Repeat the turian motto of expecting sacrifice?" Shepard asked in a strangled whisper, closing her eyes and cherishing the feel of Garrus's forehead on her own. She placed her hands on his neck, underneath his fringe, scratching gently. She felt a shudder of pleasure run through his body at her touch.

"Later. Right now a certain turian with no romantic skills to speak of is trying to cheer up his girlfriend," Garrus said, wrapping his arms around her even tighter.

Shepard gave him a small smile as it crept onto her face.

"Cheer? Coming from you?" she asked, unable to keep the amusement from her voice. Garrus was truly sweet at times, not that he would ever let her say it. He still had his image as a badass, former vigilante to maintain.

Garrus shrugged nonchalantly. "Mood swings, what can I say?"

"Commander, Liara went to have a "chat" with Javik. She was glowing, by the way," Joker's voice rang out through the war room. "You might want to get down there before they, you know, tear out a bulkhead or something."

Shepard sighed and untangled herself from Garrus's embrace.

"Duty calls," Shepard said sarcastically. Before Shepard could move, she felt his hand grasp her arm.

"Do you still want company tonight, Shepard?" Garrus asked quietly, clearly not wanting to pressure her while at the same time not wanting to leave her alone. Shepard placed her five-fingered hand on his three-fingered gloved one, firmly squeezing it.

"Always, Garrus."


When Shepard finally made it to the fourth deck (thank God the elevator was no longer as slow as on the first Normandy), she could hear Liara yelling from the elevator.

"What's going on?" Shepard heard Ken and Gabby poke their heads out from the exterior engineering doors.

Sending them a look that clearly said she would handle it, Shepard double-timed it to Javik's room, not wanting either Liara or Javik to end up plastered on the walls as a new decorating motif.

"Stop denying reality, asari! Your people used our knowledge from the beacon for their own advancement!" Javik retorted, crossing his arms, seemingly unfazed by Liara's growing or the glow of her biotics flaring up.

"I have a name! It's Liara T'Soni! And I'd appreciate you using it from on!" It was then Shepard chose to step in, gently pushing Liara back from Javik.

"Hey! Settle down! We've all had a rough day!" Shepard said firmly, assuming her role as the voice of reason.

"My home was just destroyed! And all he can do is gloat!" Liara said, fists clenched, fire burning in her eyes. Hard to imagine this was the same shy, quiet asari Shepard had met three years ago.

Shepard turned her gaze to Javik. "Given what's happened today, I think you owe Liara an apology, Javik."

Javik blinked incredulously. "Apologize for the truth?"

Liara began to pace. "You're a Prothean. You were supposed to have all the answers. How could you not stop this from happening?"

Never breaking eye contact, Javik replied, "We thought you would."

Javik went on to explain how the Protheans had viewed the asari as the best hope for this cycle, how they had seen potential in them early on, and how the Protheans had guided the asari when they felt it necessary to do so. Even more surprising was Javik's uncharacteristic encouragement to Liara to let go of her grief. She smiled weakly at the Prothean before bolting from the room. Presumably to go to her quarters.

Shepard thanked Javik for his charitable words, who brushed her gratitude aside, claiming they still needed Liara's talents in the war and she would be lost if she allowed grief to overcome her. However, for the first time, Shepard wondered if Javik was starting to care more than he was letting on, whether there were cracks in his bitter, arrogant shell he presented to the world.

Thanking Javik again, Shepard made her way back to the elevator, fully intent on talking with Liara and making sure she was alright. Javik was right. Though Liara was more than just an asset towards the war (all of her crew were), she would be of no use if she allowed the guilt to consume her. Hell, she almost went into shock numerous times while down on Thessia, which Shepard and Ash had to shake her out of.

When she reached the third deck, Shepard immediately spotted Tali standing by the memorial wall, though she did not even left her head up to acknowledge Shepard's presence, her attention focused on a conversation with Garrus via her omnitool.

"I've never seen her like this, not even after Noveria. Can't you talk to her?" Tali asked, her filtered voice echoing with concern for their asari squadmate.

"I'm just a reminder of her losing her homeworld. Hell, mine still has a fighting chance. Hers is completely lost. Maybe you should talk to her," Garrus reasoned.

"I just got my homeworld back, she just lost hers. I'm the worst possible person to talk to her about this."

It was then Shepard chose to step forward. "I'll talk to her."

"Thanks, Shepard," Tali said, relief immediately entering her voice. Garrus also said something, but Shepard didn't really hear it, as she was already walking to Liara's cabin.

Shepard entered Liara's quarters, surprised to find the door unlocked. She was greeted by the sound of constant, pinging alerts from unanswered messages. The sight of Liara sitting on her bed, datapads surrounding her as she seemingly combed them for information she had overlooked, made Shepard's heart go out to the asari.

"How could this have happened, Shepard? If only I had not been so blind to what was right in front of me, if I had seen that statue for what it really was..." Liara looked up at Shepard, tear trails clearly on her cheeks.

"You had nothing to do with what happened, Liara!" Shepard said emphatically.

"Shepard, I'm the Shadow Broker, I should have seen something! How many of my people's deaths are on my hands, after I promised them I would get them out alive?" Liara exclaimed, voice rising, her hands clenched into tight fists.

Without hesitation, Shepard replied, "None."

Liara's head shot up, her mouth slightly agape. "Jane, I..."

Shepard stopped her before Liara got any further. "You've been warning your people for three years, Liara, and they made their choice not to act on your warnings. Their deaths are something to be mourned, Thessia may be lost for now, but we haven't lost the asari yet," Shepard said, reaching over to place a comforting hand on Liara's shoulder.

"You really believe that, Shepard, or are you saying all of this to make me feel better?" Liara asked.

"I mean it, Liara. Besides, can't have my favorite Shadow Broker going to pieces now, can I?" Shepard teased, content that she seemingly broke Liara out of her depression.

Liara hopped off her bed and strode over to the console. "Helping with the refugees, that's something I could do..." She turned to Shepard. "I'll still need some time about Thessia, but thank you, Jane. I'm lucky to have someone like you as a friend."

Shepard did not fail to notice the wistfulness of Liara's tone. Shepard remembered Liara had shown a romantic interest in her on the first Normandy, something Shepard did not reciprocate. However, Shepard suspected Liara still held onto these feelings and probably wished Shepard had shared them.

Shepard knew it would never have happened. She was never interested in Liara in that way, nor did she want to pursue a relationship with anyone back then (the look on Kaidan Alenko's face when she had turned him down had been even more upsetting than Liara's). She had not been ready, comfortable enough getting that close to someone again. Hadn't since Mindoir...

Shepard mentally shook her head. Now was not the time. She put all of that behind her years ago, anyway.

"Anytime, Liara," Shepard said, stepping out into the Mess, with the sound of Glyph hovering behind her, thanking her for stopping by, ringing in her ear.

"Are you headed up to your quarters, Shepard?" Shepard turned to the recognizable double flanged voice of her turian boyfriend.

"I have a ton of things to do, Garrus, I can't afford to…" Before Shepard could finish, she was quickly cut off.

"You need sleep, Shepard, it's been a long day."

"Yeah, and the last time you made me sleep, I dreamt about the kid from Vancouver going up in flames and heard Kaidan and Mordin calling out to me," Shepard thought to herself. She would never dare to mention that outloud to Garrus. Besides, she had to change out her mods on her weapons, check over her armor, go over remaining mission briefs. The list never seemed to end.

"Garrus, I…" Shepard began, preparing to fight like a krogan against any attempts to relax, but stopped when she saw the concerned look in his eyes.

"You're going to burn yourself out at the rate you're going. Don't think I haven't noticed. You hardly eat, you hardly sleep. You have to come up for air every once in a while…because I still need you," Garrus confessed, reaching out to brush a stray tendril from her face.

Shepard sighed, allowing the weight of fatigue to finally overcome her. "Fine, but I recall you just asked to keep me company."

"As long as you promise to sleep and save any other…activities for another day. I know that may be hard, considering how irresistible I am," Garrus said, a smirk on his face.

Shepard snorted. "You're not nearly as good as you think you are, Vakarian."

"That's still pretty damn good," Garrus replied, looking quite pleased with himself, his mandibles flexed widely from his face.

"You two are terrible at keeping those types of conversations private," Tali remarked from her spot at the wall, turning her head in their direction.

"I thought you liked it when things got up close and personal, Tali," Garrus said, completely unfazed and trying to stifle his laughter.

"Not when I'm overhearing anything intimate about you two. That falls into the too much information category. That and spiders. Little bosh'tets!" Tali said, a visible shutter going down her body.

"Next time we encounter reaperized rachni, I'll be sure to miss so they get nice and close. Meanwhile, I'll tell Shepard over the comm how attractive she is on the battlefield and how I cannot wait to strip off her armor one piece at a time," Garrus said, mandibles even wider than before, amusement clearly shining in his eyes.

In a few long steps, Tali approached the two, her eyes glowing in a glare directed at Garrus. "Fine. Next time we go somewhere like Noveria where there are snow and ice storms every other day, guess who'll conveniently be left behind?"

"Shepard would never leave me behind. Who else would make sure the main gun was well calibrated?"

Shepard shook her head. That's what she loved about them. Whenever they were together, Garrus and Tali always bantered, just as a protective, teasing older brother would do to a pesky, yet lovable, younger sister and vice versa. Shepard had been treated to many of their comm conversations over the past few weeks (you overhear a lot when you walk around the Normandy), and no matter what had been bothering her previously, her concerns melted away, even if it was just for a few minutes.

"He is right, though, Shepard. You should take awhile to rest, when you always tell us to do the same," Tali said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm going, I'm going. Only because you are like a sister to me, Tali. And because you are ruggedly handsome," Shepard said, reaching out to stroke Garrus's scar before heading towards the elevator.

"And don't worry, Vakarian, there are some days on the battlefield where I almost can't resist to take you right then and there," Shepard said over her shoulder, and she was treated to the sound of Tali's choked breath and Garrus's uncontained laughter.


The whistling of the trees was just as strong as ever, the sky a mix between grey and pure black at times, an unceasing mist hanging around the trees.

The tears of a child, scared and unsure, echoing through Shepard's ears.

As Shepard ran towards the child, she saw the oily shadows by the edges of the trees, carrying the voices of her fallen comrades, another brutal reminder of their loss, their sacrifices. If Shepard closed her eyes, she could clearly hear Mordin signing his song about being a model of a scientist Salarian, Kaidan telling Ash it is the right choice to leave him behind…

Out of the corner of her eye, some of the oily shadows began to take shape. Tali appeared to the right of her whispering the words "Keelah se'lai" over and over again as if they were a fervent prayer.

Ash appeared to her left, reassuring her Skipper that she would not doubt her again. Joker appeared beside her, expressing his guilt over refusing to leave the first Normandy and causing her death.

One by one, the shadows formed into the bodies of all her crew, both current and former, dead and alive. They began to surround her in a circle, almost suffocating her.

Then, just as quickly as it happened, the circle broke to allow Shepard to get to a figure beyond it.

Garrus had caught up to the child and stood by him protectively, a firm talon on his shoulder.

"Why couldn't you save us, Jane? I loved you," Garrus's voice rang out into the mist.

Shepard shook her head in denial. "But you are safe, Garrus."

Garrus continued on as if he hadn't heard her. "You failed to save Palaven, Jane. My family died because of you. The turian race will die!"

As if Garrus's words were a cue, Shepard heard the voices of her friends, asking her why she hadn't saved them…

Miranda, dark blue eyes flashing, berating her for not helping to find and save her sister from their father…Thane asking why she hadn't helped him take down Kai Leng and let him take the sword to the gut…Liara, angrily sobbing, interrogating her about the fall of Thessia and why she had let it burn…

One after the other, they all threw accusations. Shepard tried to run, but she just kept on bumping into another figure who accused her of failing them or not doing enough for them.

Shepard looked back at Garrus, the man who she had willingly let into her heart, stared at her with disgust, such strong hatred resting in his steel blue eyes.

Shepard recoiled in horror as Garrus began transforming before her very eyes, as did those of her crewmates and surroundings. The trees themselves seemed to dissolve around her, leaving the field without any cover, and allowing Shepard to see burning buildings in the background.

Wires and mechanical limbs replaced the arms and legs of the flesh and blood ones of her comrades and their faces were devoid of emotion. Their metallic, glowing eyes stared straight through her, as if hungrily longing to take the humanity that resided within her out of her body.

"No!" Shepard cried, reaching out to Garrus, who had become nothing more than a Marauder. The steel, blue-grey eyes that had always sparked with amusement when they bantered back and forth, shone with pride and admiration while on the battlefield and sparkled with love and devotion when locked in a passionate embrace, were replaced with lifeless, glowing eyes.

"Thessia was only the beginning, Shepard." Shepard whipped around to see a batarian walking towards her, holding something to what looked like brain nodes, the same kind the raiders had used on…

Mindoir was what was burning in the distance.

"But not your first failure." Like her friends, the batarian transformed into a husk, a Cannibal, as it approached her, the flesh literally melting away.

"That was not my fault; besides, I've put it all behind me," Shepard said, her voice echoing with a confidence she did not feel.

Without warning, the Cannibal reached its mechanical arm out and grabbed Shepard by the throat and tossed her to the ground as if she was a rag doll.

"You lie. Your parents' deaths haunt you. Just as the death of your mate will." Shepard closed her eyes, tears leaking out from the corners of her eyes.

"No! I never wanted any of this," Shepard choked. She looked up to see Marauder Garrus looking down at her, metallic talon raised to claw his way into her body to tear out her heart.

"Garrus!" Shepard screamed as the husks of her crew closed in around her, as Garrus's talon sunk into her chest…

"Jane, wake up! You're safe. Jane!"

Those were the first words Shepard woke up to. Or rather, violently jolted awake to.

When she saw Garrus's face peering down at her, she immediately struggled to get out of his embrace, still not fully aware that this was the real world.

"Jane, stop! It's me, it's Garrus!" Garrus exclaimed, refusing to let go of her.

Shepard felt like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs, like she had been running ten miles without stopping. She felt Garrus rub her back, trying to get her to breathe and ease the tension from her body.

When Shepard was fully awake, she turned to face Garrus. No metal or glowing eyes she could see. She reached a hand up to the damaged side of his face.

"What the hell we you dreaming about, Shepard? You were crying and calling my name, and…" Shepard did not let him finish before reaching up to kiss him on his coarse lips. She felt Garrus wrap both his arms firmly around her waist and hold her close as they kissed.

When Shepard finally broke away, she asked quietly, "Do you still love me, Garrus?/"

Garrus tightened his hold on her. "Of course I do. I didn't think that was in doubt. Where is this coming from?"

Shepard shook her head. "Please, Garrus, I need to hear you say it." She paused, a rare uncertainty entering her voice. "Please."

She could hear her voice warble and feel the hot tear dripping down her face. She could not believe she was being so emotional right now.

Garrus nuzzled the side of her face with his mandible and said with a harsh breath, in a tone of seriousness Shepard rarely heard from him, "I love you, Jane Shepard, and I would be lost without you."

Shepard knew Garrus was never good at expressing himself, confessing such feelings like this, but when he did, it meant the world to her. Shepard didn't know how long they stayed in that position, but Shepard knew these moments were few and far in between, so she might has well cherish them while she could.

"I'm a lucky woman, Garrus," Shepard admitted after a few moments of comfortable silence.

"Of course you are. You could never find someone as stylish,"' Garrus said with his typical confidence.

Shepard gave a watery chuckle before untangling herself from Garrus's embrace and going to change back into her N7 hoodie.

"I don't know, Garrus. Vega is giving you a run for your money in that department," Shepard said, putting her black shirt back on, but wincing when she felt pain radiating from her left shoulder from the Thessia battle.

"You mean that story about riding that Harvester? Completely made up. Besides, it'll take years to reach my level of style," Garrus said, watching Shepard get dressed from the bed.

"I'll be sure to tell him that. I'm going down to install new mods on my Widow," Shepard said as she finished dressing.

"Wait, Shepard, are you sure you're alright? You had me worried there," Garrus admitted, already approaching Shepard.

Shepard sighed, knowing he would not let this go, but she didn't want to tell him about it, about him turning into a Marauder.

"You're here. That's all I need," Shepard whispered.

Garrus frowned. "Jane."

"Not now, Garrus. I need to clear my head," Shepard said, already heading to the door.

Garrus sighed. "Alright. You know where to find me if you need me."

Shepard didn't even answer or look back.


Shepard felt bad for brushing Garrus off like that, but she just couldn't handle reliving it again. Nor did she want to trouble him. This was her burden to bear. She may not have asked for all this, but she was in this situation now and had to make the best of it.

Shepard felt something rest beside her and looked down to see the robotic dog, Sophie, up on its hind legs. Shepard reached down and pet the mech, and Sophie nuzzled her hand the best she could. Robotic dog or not, she was still cute.

Shepard then reached inside the box of mods, looking for an extended barrel, one she had recently picked up at one of the Cerberus bases, but she could not find it. She got down on her knees for the mods under the bench, wondering if she had put them there by accident.

"Hey, Vega, you haven't been touching the mods today, have you?" Shepard called out, interrupting James from his own work on his assault rifle.

"Can't say that I have, Lola. Maybe Scars has an idea. He spends just as much time as you do on that bench. Maybe he was calibrating something," James said, leaning back on his own work bench, arms crossed.

"Don't let Garrus catch you saying that, you know how annoyed he gets," Shepard replied in a way that clearly encouraged the idea.

"I could take him," James said as casually as if talking about the weather.

"But not as stylishly according to him," Shepard replied dryly, shaking her head and continuing her search, meanwhile thinking about her dream. Disconcerting enough all of her friends turned on her, bringing up doubts about whether she had done enough for them, disconcerting enough they all turned into husks, but the reference to Mindoir really shook her more than she had thought.

And here she had thought nothing would have made her almost forget about the loss of Thessia.

She had thought for the most part she had put Mindoir behind her. Shepard remembered the first two years after the raids, waking up in a cold sweat, the memory of seeing her father's head smashed in flashing vividly in her mind...

The only remnants of the raid for her that held any sway were the nightmares. As the years passed, they lessened, only to be replaced by other horrors. Thanks a lot, Cerberus and your thresher maw of destruction. Really, thanks to the Reapers too.

Wasn't it bad enough she dreamt about things in the present? Why was she now being forced to deal with events that had occurred sixteen years prior?"

"Hey, Lola, this what you're looking for?"

Shepard's head popped up, and she saw James dangling a cylinder piece of metal in front of her.

"And you were going to blame this on Garrus," Shepard said, grabbing the barrel from James's outstretched hand and beginning to install it into the gun.

"Forgot I had it," James said, rubbing his neck, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"Why? You don't use sniper rifles. The only people who do are me, Garrus, and..." Shepard stopped working on the gun and a grin the size of that demented cat from that old fairytale her mother told her about (Wonderland something) crept onto her face.

"You got a bit of a thing for the Lieutenant-Commander?"

"It's not what you think, ma'am. I just wanted to... you know, since I... she was still piss-ass drunk...and you wanted her... to come with, on that mission so... I thought..."

Shepard watched as a slow blush crossed James's face and he looked like he wanted to do nothing more than stop this conversation and bolt from the room. Surprising coming from the man who had rammed the Kodiak into Cerberus's without any hesitation, almost signing his own death sentence.

"Weapons upgrades are always the key to a woman's heart. Garrus knew that when he got me the Widow," Shepard teased, enjoying seeing this rough soldier show his soft side.

"You're not…uh, going to tell Ashley, right?" James asked.

"Never crossed my mind," Shepard said lightly.

"Commander!"

Shepard lifted her eyes tiredly to the ceiling at the sound of Joker's voice. "What is it now, Joker? The Illusive Man apologizing for being a psychotic prick? The Reapers have offered their unconditional surrender?"

"EDI found something you have to hear. You need to get to the bridge ASAP."

Shepard walked back to the elevator. With how this day was going, she prepared herself for the worst.


Shepard stood before her message terminal in shock, that taunting message from Kai Leng still before her. Infuriating enough that the son of a bitch rubbed his victory in her face, but to threaten...

"EDI, Traynor, you're sure the message is legitimate?" Shepard asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Positive, Commander. I've detected a distress signal coming from somewhere in the colony. Don't know how long it's been active, but the signal is weak. Safe to assume unless you were actively looking for it, you wouldn't have seen it," Traynor reasoned, pressing a few buttons on her console.

Shepard knew she had to tell Joker to set a course for the Attican Traverse, knew she had to tell Garrus and Tali to suit up, but Shepard's feet were glued to the floor. She hadn't been back to the colony in years. She had no family or friends from there anymore. Not for the past sixteen years. The batarian raiders had clearly seen to that. Only a handful of people who survived chose to stay and rebuild Mindoir, but not anyone Shepard had been on a friendly basis with. Many other adventurous humans had come to live in the new settlement, but the population had never returned to what it had been before the raid. Shepard also imagined once she had become famous, Mindoir had had a tourism boom. Last she heard, Mindoir was partly being used as a remote Alliance outpost.

"What does that matter to the Reapers, Jane?" she scowled herself. Not to mention it being the birthplace of the infamous Commander Shepard. That would have been enough to be put on the Reaper's radar.

Seeing Mindoir in flames in her dream…was it warning her about this attack or was it a flashback to her own memories from that day?

"Do you have anything, Liara?" Shepard turned to her asari friend, who looked much more collected than a few hours before and who had been asked by EDI to find any information about the state of the colony when EDI and Traynor had discovered the message and the signal.

"Nothing definite, but my sources indicate there has been increased activity in this sector of the Traverse in the past few weeks. I also have a piece of correspondence from a former Lieutenant Ernesto Zabaleta to Alliance brass, expressing his concern over a possible Reaper attack," Liara said, handing Shepard the datapad.

"Former?" Traynor asked in surprise.

"I'm still investigating, but from my initial research I noticed he was stationed on the SSV Einstein," Shepard's head shot up and saw Liara looking point-blank at her. Unsurprising Liara would know the significance of that carrier to Shepard.

"SSV Einstein? You're sure?" Shepard asked, urgency apparent in her voice, her hands growing clammier by the second.

Liara nodded. "Positive."

Shepard rushed over to her personal comm to the left of the map. "Garrus, Tali, I need you to head down to the hangar and suit up immediately."

Without waiting for a response, Shepard barked out an order to head for Mindoir and headed to the elevator, pushing the button for the fifth deck. Unsurprising, it stopped on the third.

"What's going on, Shepard?" Garrus asked, locking his gloves into place as he stepped into the elevator.

"There was a distress signal out from one of the colonies in the Attican Traverse. Kai Leng was kind enough to tell me about it," Shepard said, sarcasm dripping from every word as she pressed the button for the fifth deck again.

"I know you always save anyone in trouble, Shepard, but there's something else, isn't there?" Garrus asked.

"It's Mindoir, Garrus." Spirits, it pained her to say it. Wait, did she say "Spirits" in head? She really had been around Garrus for too long.

"How long has it been since you've been back there?" When Shepard did not answer his question, instead burning a proverbial hole in the floor, he asked, "Not since...?" before trailing off, not needing to finish.

"I didn't see the point. Everyone I loved or knew well was gone and the colony would do nothing but bring up bad memories and stir ghosts long laid to rest," Shepard said.

When they arrived back in the hangar, Shepard walked back over to the weapons bench to double check the mods on her sniper rifle. She almost wished Garrus would become distracted at upgrading her Widow, giving her advice on which mod offered better enhanced accuracy. Get Garrus playing with sniper rifles, like his calibrations, and he could not be easily torn away for at least a few hours.

Unless, of course, Shepard needed him, or in this case, Garrus felt he was needed.

"So, when you told Williams on the first Normandy that you had dealt with your family situation...did you really mean it?" Garrus asked.

"Wouldn't have told Ash that if I didn't believe it. I'm not that fragile, Vakarian," Shepard snapped, grabbing her armor and preparing to strap it on.

"No, but you're human, Shepard. You may be stronger than many others, but you have limits," Garrus said, going over to his own locker to grab his Viper and Mattock to strap onto his armor.

"Commander Shepard has no limits," Shepard ground out, grabbing her other weapons from her locker.

"Commander Shepard might not, but Jane Shepard does," Garrus retorted, crossing his arms.

"When did you suddenly turn into Kelly Chambers? I don't have time to undergo psychoanalysis, Garrus! We have a mission to prep for. I didn't think I needed to be telling you that." Shepard knew she was being harsh, but she was getting frustrated with Garrus's attitude. Any previous feelings of guilt from blowing him off earlier had disappeared. He may see a side of her not many saw, but she was not that breakable. He should have known that better than anyone.

Garrus tensed at her words, but walked away from her over to James with a mumbled, "As you wish, Commander."

Shepard mentally kicked herself and her shoulders sagged. Shit, she had just made it worse.

God, she was so tired.

Just then Tali came out of the elevator. Shepard quickly filled her in as Joker came on the comm announcing they were on approach to Mindoir and EDI had informed Cortez he was needed.

Shepard thanked him and as she continued to organize herself and change into her armor, her thoughts began to wander back to the former Lt. Zabaleta and whether he had been stationed on the Einstein sixteen years before and he remembered a bruised, broken, and teary-eyed teenager named Jane Shepard.


A/N: Like it? Have any constructive criticism you wish to offer? Review and let me know! Next time: Shepard, Garrus, and Tali land on Mindoir and meet up with former Lt. Zabaleta and begin to piece together what happened. Also, angst between Garrus and Shepard ensues and Shepard begins to struggle with her memories of the raid!