Inspired by the song 'In My Memory' by DJ Tiesto, feat. Nicola Hitchcock. Lovely song. Anyways, this is kind of another relationship snapshot of Suzaku and Lelouch. Suza-centric. Post-R2, so obviously there are spoilers.

Title: In My Memory

Rating: T

Pairing: SuzaLulu hints

Warnings: BL implications, spoilers

Summary: When all you have are memories, you cling to them. When those memories start to fade, what do you do?

Disclaimer: Not mine.

&!

&!

&!

Suzaku stomped about the halls, a frustrated aura rolling off of him in waves. Of course, he was dressed as Zero. Years had gone by, but the symbol of Zero was still needed. As such, anybody that came within ten feet of him was absolutely terrified. Of course, he wasn't mad at them. Not anybody in particular, really.

Except maybe himself.

His whole problem centered on the fact that he couldn't remember. Over the years, the vivid images he had of Lelouch had slowly slipped out of his mind. Only one memory remained, and his heart hurt at the mere thought of conjuring those bloodstained images again.

No, Lelouch had most certainly faded from his memory.

His face was a blur. His scent, his lips, his hands – long gone. All Suzaku could remember was an intrinsic mixture of love, regret, and despair.

Perhaps his subconscious thought it was doing him a favor. Perhaps it was simply being cruel. Either way, he didn't like it. In Suzaku's opinion, he needed those memories. He clung to them to stay coherent, helpful.

To stay sane.

In his mind, a switch flicked on. Almost automatically, he began moving towards where he had stored Lelouch's belongings – both as Lelouch and Zero – stored. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered being asked if the Refrain found in a drawer should be thrown away.

And he was pretty sure he remembered saying no.

Suzaku tore through the room, digging through drawers and opening boxes desperately. Finally, he struck gold – buried underneath Lelouch's precious chess set was a small, diminutive box marked 'Refrain'. The chess set alone was enough to conjure up a vague image – Zero and Schneizel, locked in their mental struggle at a banquet.

With trembling fingers, Suzaku opened the box and assembled the Refrain. He spared only a moment's though about whether or not he would be found, then plunged the needle into his arm.

Waiting for the drug to work was almost as bad as forgetting in the first place.

&!

&!

&!

As morning came, Suzaku was happily sifting through the memories that the Refrain had unlocked. Coming across one particularly good one, he couldn't surpress a rueful grin.

"What would you think of me now? Pretty pathetic, huh Lelouch?"

Fin.

(Craptasic ending, sorry about that. I just wanted to toy with the idea of how far Suzaku would go to continue holdng Lulu close to his heart. Review and I'll love you forever.)