Panic in the Emergency Room
Note: The events in this fanfic are in no way related to the events of FF7. This fanfic was made from extreme boredom and exposure to two pictures with Sephiroth, Vincent, and Cloud dressed up as doctors/nurses. Some slight shonen-ai will be in the future chapters, but there will be no yaoi.
Panic in the Emergency Room: Prologue
Before I became the President of Shinra, I've always wanted to become a doctor. However, my dad prevented me from doing so, and I'm glad that bastard's dead. Now that I'm the president of the Shinra Company, I can do anything I want, but…
"Sir!" an office worker called, carrying an unusually high amount of paperwork. "Here's the notes and guidelines and rules and contracts and bills and…"
I'm stuck here with all this paperwork.
As the office worker goes on, Rufus stops writing and looks at all the paperwork piled on his desk, under his desk, over his desk, in his desk, on the sides of his desk, in front of his desk, and in the back of his desk. The office worker is done talking and deposits the ceiling-high paperwork in front of him. The office worker leaves and closes the door. Rufus watches the stack of paperwork cautiously. It sways a little, but it doesn't look like it'll tip over. He sighs and continues writing.
I wish I could be a doctor, but I can't find the time to do that. I'm already so busy and into my job as president of Shinra.
"YO, WASSUP MR. PRESIDENTE?" screamed Reno as he burst through the window and collapsed on the floor. Glass scattered on the floor. Rufus jumped from the sudden outburst, and held the stack of papers to keep them from falling. The door opened and Tseng, Rude, and Elena rushed in. "Mr. President! Are you okay?" asked Tseng. "Yeah, I'm okay, but what about Reno?" Rufus replied. Rude helped Reno up. "He's been drinking again." Said Elena. "Was too!" retorted Reno in a drunken voice.
Ten minutes ago…
The Turks were holding a meeting. Reno got up. "Yo, I've..got, like…something Top Secret to show to the president. How do you get up to his, uh, work office again?" he asked Tseng. The three eyed him strangely.
"Well, you take the elevator-"
"Elevators are for squares!"
"…You take the stairs-"
"They're for men!"
"The vent?"
"They're for the elephants in the courtyard!"
"Reno, are you oka-"
"Screw you guys, then. I'm gonna go take the roof."
Reno left the room.
Elena looked at Tseng. "What does he mean by 'take the roof'?" she asked. Tseng shrugged. A few seconds of silence passed, and then they all heard Reno shout from somewhere on the roof. The three Turks got up in alarm.
"I AM MEATMAN, HEAR ME WATCH!"
"That idiot…!"
"Is he gonna jump off the roof?"
"He's not THAT stupid."
"True, but…"
Tseng and Elena looked at the normally-quiet Rude. "…He got drunk at a bar before we came to the meeting. I tried to stop him, but…" Rude stopped talking. Five seconds of awkward silence passed. "MEATMAN!" Reno shouted as he passed the room the Turks were in. Tseng opened the window and looked down at the falling Reno. "YOU IDIOT!" Tseng shouted at him. "Whoops, gotta stop!" Reno shouted back. He grabbed onto a ledge and crashed through the window of one of the rooms. Tseng, Elena, and Rude knew where that room was, and hurried there.
Now…
"Well, y'know…I could've taken the door, but it was open." Reno said, giving a drunken smile. Tseng, Elena, and Rude sweatdropped. "So, what did you want to show me?" asked Rufus. "Wha? Oh, right!" said Reno. He dug into his inner coat pocket and pulled out a newspaper. He opened it up. "Let's see…now where was it...?" Something caught the eye of Rufus on the front page.
"Hey, let me see that!"
"Now wait, hold your ducks. Dah dah dah…oh, yeah…here. It's this advertisement for soap. You smell good and all and I think you need this-"
Rufus snatched the paper away from Reno and looked at the front page. "Hey, there's a hospital for sale!" exclaimed Rufus. "It went on sale after the owner retired. The doctors, nurses, and workers of that hospital were all fired and left for other towns." Explained Tseng. "Heyyyy, are you gonna buy that shack and fill it up with people?" asked Reno. Rufus's eye twitched a little. "THAT'S IT!" Rufus shouted.
The stack of papers swayed warningly and collapsed on him.
A few days later…
I decided to buy the old hospital – I didn't have the time to become a doctor, so instead I'll just own a hospital. It's less work. After buying the hospital and having the people redecorate it, I interviewed some people who were interested in working there. Tseng was right. All the doctors that originally worked in the hospital left Midgar. The interviews went great…I think.
"Tell me who you are, where you are from, and why you want to work here." Rufus said.
"My name is Cloud Strife. I'm from Nibelheim, and I want to work here because I want to help people and raise my self-esteem and become famous."
"My full name is Sephiroth Soontoberuleroftheuniverse. But most people call me Sephiroth. I came from up north, and I want to work here because I want to help people die-erm…live healthy lives."
"I am called Vincent Valentine. I can't say where I'm from, and I come here looking for a purpose in life. And I also need money to buy several new guns and some upgrades so I can shoot that rooster that's been waking me up in the morning."
"The name's Reno. My house is in Midgar, and I have to work here because I need to pay off that really really expensive window I broke in your office."
"Rude. I'm from Midgar. I have to work here because if I don't, Reno won't stop pestering me to join him."
"Hi, my name's Tseng. I'm from Midgar. You offered me a job as your assistant, and I'm taking it."
"I'm Cid Highwind. I'm from Rocket #!$in Town, and I want to work here because I need the money to fix the $#&in damage that $!#in Sherra caused.
"I'm Cait Sith, but my real name is Reeve. I couldn't make it there today, so I'm communicating through Cait, here. I live in Midgar and I want to work here as well because I took medical school before, and I think I should put my skills to the test!"
"I'm Mary Sue! I'm from a different dimension and since I heard that the authoress won't be putting any of the female FF7 characters in the hospital, I want to work here because I hope that all of the workers will fall in love with me and shower me with gifts and hugs and Hershey kisses!"
"AAAHHHHH RUFUSS! OMG, L1K3, RUFIE! IM, LKE, UR BIGEST FAN!11"
"I'm the Muffin Man, and I live on Drury Lane! I want to serve people and make them happy!"
"I'm hungry."
"I AM YOUR FATHER."
Um…yeah. Those were the interviewees. I've hired Sephiroth as the surgeon, Cid as a doctor, Cloud and Vincent as nurses, Reno and Rude as the people who work at the front desk, Tseng as a doctor and my assistant, and Cait Sith as a decorative item on the front desk. When Reeve comes, then he's a doctor. Mary Sue sounded annoying, so I rejected her. I rejected that crazed fangirl immediately, as soon as she screamed my name. I was going to hire the Muffin Man, but then he asked me if this was a bakery. I said no, and he said that he didn't want the job anymore. Hungry made off with my sandwich before he could tell me anything else. As for the "I AM YOUR FATHER"-guy…no comment. Rejected him.
"Alright, people! Tomorrow's day one of the Shinra Inc. Hospital, so do your best!"
"BANZAI!"
Banzai? What the hell's a Banzai? Is it that plant? Oh well. I hope everything goes okay tomorrow.
-Rufus Shinra
