Commentating for the Shipping Wars or the Life of Lee Jordan
"And they're off again! After a brief break in which the two ships reloaded their canons, the R/H vs. H/H war is back on and they're giving it all they've got!" Lee Jordan put down his magical megaphone, and looked at the girl who was supervising the commentary. She was a member of the Good Ship. It was just like old Hogwarts days, where the one supervising him was the Head of Gryffindor House, Minerva McGonagall. "The SS Pumpkin Pie doesn't seem to realize that The Good Ship repels pumpkins! Oh, but they do like to eat toast - " the girl who was supposed to be supervising the commentary snatched the megaphone away from him and spoke into it.
"But only with marmalade!" she said. Some of the F/A, D/P and R/S shippers in the audience (the ones who were mostly neutral or didn't feel like fighting) laughed. The girl blushed and handed the megaphone back to Lee. He thanked her kindly and continued commentating on the match.
"And the R/Hers - ooh, nasty hit there, that was the R/Hers, one point to them.but.what's this? The H/Hers seem to have acquired a submarine! They're firing subtext torpedoes! Do they not realize that these are mostly considered children's books? Subtext!"
The girl looked at him, and covered up the megaphone. "Be objective. Try to stay neutral, Lee!"
"But I ship Lee/Angelina!"
"That's not canon, Lee, and that's definitely not the point."
"I know - "
"Get on with the commentary!"
Lee glared at her and raised the microphone and his voice. "What a nasty hit there! The H/Hers are firing fanons, how inappropriate! But, the R/Hers don't seem to mind - who is that? They can't - Oh! It's the HMS Orange Crush, how nice.come to join in! But who's this? Coming in on the H/Her side - Neville/Ginny shippers? But - but they're not against The Good Ship - what are they doing over there? Oh, they're crossing over. okay. But the - Oh, what a hit! The H/Hers are firing "intuitions" at the R/Hers - but the R/Hers continue to shoot canons! Those H/Hers better watch out because - score! The JKR Quotes are being fired - and one of them was fired back! And another! Stubborn, those of the Pumpkin Pie, aren't they? This, folks, could go on for a long, long time."
~*~
SIX MONTHS LATER
"And the R/Hers are throwing." he tried - and failed- to stifle a yawn ".decent quotes and canons at the H/Hers - the H/Hers are throwing them back.I haven't gotten a break from this in three days.Diana, could you please take over?" But the girl was fast asleep on the counter. Lee sighed. Would those H/Hers ever learn?
FIN
"And they're off again! After a brief break in which the two ships reloaded their canons, the R/H vs. H/H war is back on and they're giving it all they've got!" Lee Jordan put down his magical megaphone, and looked at the girl who was supervising the commentary. She was a member of the Good Ship. It was just like old Hogwarts days, where the one supervising him was the Head of Gryffindor House, Minerva McGonagall. "The SS Pumpkin Pie doesn't seem to realize that The Good Ship repels pumpkins! Oh, but they do like to eat toast - " the girl who was supposed to be supervising the commentary snatched the megaphone away from him and spoke into it.
"But only with marmalade!" she said. Some of the F/A, D/P and R/S shippers in the audience (the ones who were mostly neutral or didn't feel like fighting) laughed. The girl blushed and handed the megaphone back to Lee. He thanked her kindly and continued commentating on the match.
"And the R/Hers - ooh, nasty hit there, that was the R/Hers, one point to them.but.what's this? The H/Hers seem to have acquired a submarine! They're firing subtext torpedoes! Do they not realize that these are mostly considered children's books? Subtext!"
The girl looked at him, and covered up the megaphone. "Be objective. Try to stay neutral, Lee!"
"But I ship Lee/Angelina!"
"That's not canon, Lee, and that's definitely not the point."
"I know - "
"Get on with the commentary!"
Lee glared at her and raised the microphone and his voice. "What a nasty hit there! The H/Hers are firing fanons, how inappropriate! But, the R/Hers don't seem to mind - who is that? They can't - Oh! It's the HMS Orange Crush, how nice.come to join in! But who's this? Coming in on the H/Her side - Neville/Ginny shippers? But - but they're not against The Good Ship - what are they doing over there? Oh, they're crossing over. okay. But the - Oh, what a hit! The H/Hers are firing "intuitions" at the R/Hers - but the R/Hers continue to shoot canons! Those H/Hers better watch out because - score! The JKR Quotes are being fired - and one of them was fired back! And another! Stubborn, those of the Pumpkin Pie, aren't they? This, folks, could go on for a long, long time."
~*~
SIX MONTHS LATER
"And the R/Hers are throwing." he tried - and failed- to stifle a yawn ".decent quotes and canons at the H/Hers - the H/Hers are throwing them back.I haven't gotten a break from this in three days.Diana, could you please take over?" But the girl was fast asleep on the counter. Lee sighed. Would those H/Hers ever learn?
FIN
