Prologue

12 or 13 years ago…

Kakashi slid out of the bed. If he stayed any longer, he'd start to be missed. If that happened, they'd start snooping around. Gently he pulled the blankets up over the shoulder of the sleeping woman. He paused, admiring how her silky brown hair framed her youthful face. Sometimes he missed the green, but it was just too conspicuous. A Hokage simply couldn't take chances. Kakashi's thoughts drifted to the previous night. She'd seemed to enjoy herself… two or three times, at least. A smile crossed Kakashi's face in the early morning shadows. The woman was so composed in the daylight and then... feisty and simultaneously shy in bed. It was easy to make her blush but not necessarily to satisfy her. Kakashi's fingers grazed the smooth skin of her cheek. It felt good to be her lover - it certainly satisfied Kakashi, and it also gave him a sense of pride and accomplishment. It was always difficult to leave.

He turned away and felt around on the floor for his clothes. He pulled on his underwear, his dark pants, his shoes. The shirt was hanging off the edge of the bed. He grabbed it and slipped it over his head. Lastly… the mask. The mask was always the devil. Kakashi peered into the dark, under the bed, even checked inside the clothes he already had on. Nothing. He raked a hand through his silvery, unruly hair and checked a sigh. He needed to get going now, before someone tried to get him for a meeting and found him gone…

"Looking for this?" a low feminine voice said from behind him. Kakashi looked over his shoulder. His mask dangled from Hanare's finger. She had a little smirk on her face. It was cute.

"Thanks," Kakashi said. He reached back to take it from her but she moved her hand. "Hana," he said, frowning, "I really need to go." He reached for the mask again.

"Uh uh," Hanare frowned back. "Pay up, Lord Sixth Fire Shadow, or whoever you are."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. Hanare was looking at him expectantly. He sighed and turned around, leaning over her. "I'm afraid to even ask what the price is," he said.

"Just a kiss," Hanare whispered.

Kakashi obliged. Her lips were soft, her mouth was warm and welcoming. In truth, though, all of her was like that… Kakashi felt his body responding to just her kisses. But damn it, he really did need to leave. He had a vague memory of an early important function he had to preside over today.

"Will I see you tonight?" Hanare breathed. Kakashi nodded as he kissed her. He felt her smile in response. Then… she sat back and threw his mask across the room. "Make sure you bend at the waist when you pick it up," she sang. "Bai bai!"

"You -" Kakashi growled and started to reach for her… but remembered the time.

"Go," Hanare winked, making the beauty mark under her right eye jump. "I know you can't stay, Rokudaime."

"Hana. I'm just Kakashi, here."

"But you're not," she said. Was there a note of sadness there? Kakashi wasn't sure. He looked away and went to retrieve his mask.

"Around nine?" he said.

"I'm free," she said.

Kakashi glanced back. The sun was rising behind Hanare, casting her in silhouette. It was a pretty picture. He nodded.

"Jaa neh."

"Mata neh," she replied, and Kakashi flickered away.

The izakaya was crowded but the proprietor had saved Kakashi's favorite table in back for them. Of course Masaki-san didn't know it was Kakashi Hatake, the current Hokage, sitting in his upscale bar. He only knew that polite Mr. Fields was a valued customer who often brought his girlfriend Hannah in for dinner and both were generous tippers.

Kakashi wished no aliases were necessary but there was no other way to go out. Privacy was the one thing he clung to. And Kages and their loved ones could easily become targets if unsavory types got a bad idea in their heads and got worked up enough to try something. At least Mr. Fields could go out without a mask on!

"Mmmm," Hanare said, spooning broth into her mouth. She'd ordered shio ramen with extra pork, which made Kakashi think briefly of Naruto. The young man had proposed to Hinata. Kakashi was happy for his former student. When they marry, I wonder who Naruto will have stand in as his father... That, for some reason, brought Sakumo to mind. Kakashi delicately pushed the cold terror and image of his father lying on the floor out of his head. He also refilled his saké cup.

"Are you ok?" Hanare's hand was on his arm. "You looked ill for a moment - are you feeling alright?" Her brown eyes were full of concern. Kakashi nodded and shrugged.

"Just ghosts," he said. "Saké?"

Hanare shook her head. "Thanks, but…" She was smiling at him. Kakashi shrugged. He drank the saké and started eating his soba. He knew Hanare was watching him, but he said nothing more. Talking about it wouldn't help anything. Time, the ultimate salve, or so they said, had barely helped. Even the surreal experience when Kakashi had been killed by Pain and had "seen" Sakumo and laid down many burdens as he hovered at death's threshold hadn't taken away the wound. Kakashi had adored his father and that father had abandoned him. He wasn't sure it would ever heal, though he had long ago forgiven Sakumo and any anger had faded. All that was left now was a lingering doubt… a hole, a space that could never be filled because its time had passed. The chance had been lost, long ago.

"Ghosts can be very troublesome," Hanare murmured. Kakashi didn't answer. The soba was really good. Hana moved her hand from his arm to his thigh. Kakashi figured he'd better eat faster. He looked at Hanare. She was smiling at him, her mouth full of pork.

Sated, the undercover ninja sat leaning back in their chairs. Kakashi noticed how pink Hanare's cheeks had gotten. The red lanterns cast a warm light over her, making her hair look auburn and turning her pinkish dress the color of a sunset.

"Dessert?" the waiter asked as he scooped up their bowls. Kakashi caught Hanare's eye. Her blush deepened and she grinned, looking away.

"Better make it to-go," Kakashi replied.

Soft strains of someone else's music floated into the room. It was jazz. Kakashi was lying back, completely at ease. It was rare and he tried to savor the moment. He had one arm under his head and one arm around Hana, who was draped over his chest and snoozing off the exertion of their second round of lovemaking. The soft streetlight of Taketori village shone in through the picture window of Hana's apartment, illuminating her bare skin. Kakashi softly stroked her back, his fingers tracing the curve of her shoulder, and spine, and hip…

Kakashi felt himself getting sleepy. He was grateful he'd only had meetings until ten p.m. and that they were only video conferences. The shadow clone he'd left in his stead seemed to have handled things fine. The meetings were tedious in nature and not important. Kakashi had been able to disperse the clone right after dinner - which was great because he hated maintaining a clone and wasting chakra on that while he was trying to concentrate on having sex with Hanare.

But now the Hokage was tired. What time was tomorrow's first agenda item…? Kakashi squinted in the dark. He couldn't remember. His hand had wandered onto Hana's ass, and that was more interesting than schedules.

"Mmmm?" Hanare stirred as Kakashi's touch became more aggressive. She peered up at him, still using his chest as a pillow. "Can't sleep?" she mumbled with a little smile.

"Yeah. But I'm tired," Kakashi admitted. Hanare shifted her position on his body and quirked an eyebrow.

"Not that tired, apparently…" she grinned.

Kakashi sighed. She was right. He could feel himself getting interested in doing it again. He'd always gotten aroused easily with porn and stuff, in private… but with previous lovers it hadn't been this easy. Or this… frequent.

Now Kakashi shifted his position and Hanare gasped. He gripped her hips firmly in his hands and moved her to where he wanted her.

"Kakashi…" Hanare breathed into the dark. Her sounds blocked everything else from Kakashi's mind and that was the way he liked it. Sighs… then whimpers… then moans. Slow, then a little faster, then deeper. There was nothing else to think about. Only him… and her.

"Have you gained some weight?" Kakashi's head was propped comfortably on his arm again. He gazed sleepily at Hanare from his languid position on the bed. She was standing by the kitchen counter, fixing drinks.

"You could say that," Hana murmured as she stirred. One drink. Then she looked at him sternly. "Saying I'm getting fat, huh?!"

Kakashi smiled. "I didn't mean it like that. It's kind of nice, actually. Like a… Partial Expansion Jutsu. Of certain areas."

"Oh, so you're saying before I was a flat-chested old bag of a scarecrow, ehhh?"

Kakashi's expression didn't change. "I'm the only scarecrow here. You're beautiful."

Hanare was looking at him. Then she blushed and dropped her gaze. She picked up the cocktail and walked slowly toward him.

"Kakashi…" she said. Her hand was steady as she held out the glass. Their fingers touched.

"I've got to get going," Kakashi said. He drank in long swallows. It was a Manhattan on the rocks, his favorite. Perfectly made. Delicious.

"I need to tell you something," Hanare said. Kakashi drained the glass. He sat up slightly to put it on the nightstand.

"Can it wait till tomorrow?"

"...No. I'm sorry."

"What for." Kakashi sat up fully, crossed his legs, put his elbows on his knees and rested his chin on his hands. Hanare was watching him. She stood in front of the bed, her eyes reflecting the the streetlight. He regarded her calmly from his corner.

"I'm pregnant," she said.

Kakashi blinked. "So that's it."

They were quiet for a while.

"How long," Kakashi said. His eyes traveled over Hanare's body. That explained everything.

"Ten weeks," Hanare said.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier," Kakashi said. "We could have…"

"Technically we still could," Hanare said. "And yes, in many cases that could be the responsible thing to do." Kakashi watched her, expressionless. There was a slight blush on her cheeks, but her voice was so neutral. She sighed. Kakashi's fists tightened slightly beneath his chin.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier," he repeated.

"Mostly, it's because I only just found out myself. I thought it was thirtysomething mood swings. Hormonal changes…"

"You told me there was no way. That you were on birth control."

"I was!" Hanare snapped.

"Was it an accident?" Kakashi stared at her over his hands. Now she looked angry.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

Kakashi said nothing.

Hanare's cheeks flared with redness. Her mouth tightened into a sharp line, like the blade of a kunai. "Do you want me to tell you it wasn't an accident, Rokudaime? So this can fit into your little entrapment fantasy?!"

He shrugged. "You don't know anything about my fantasies."

"Well I know one thing for certain: that you don't know anything about reality!"

They were both quiet.

After a few minutes Hanare took a deep breath. "I was on the pill, Kakashi. I've never messed up the dosage - never missed a day in my life since I started taking it when I went Active Duty back in Lock. You can imagine how shocked I was when I found out so I looked into it."

"You know the tiny nation of Palms?" she asked. Kakashi gave a slight nod. Hanare sighed. "Well then I'm sure you know that, historically, due to colonization and internal conflict they've had no access to modern medicine. A rebel faction stole a shipment on the way to Taketori. Everything the pharmacy sold from June to August was placebo."

Kakashi felt his head start to ache.

"I anonymously notified the Hyuga-Taketori magistrates," Hanare was saying. "They're trying to get the local fallout handled. We're not the only ones affected… it's terrible, I mean, but at the same time I can't fault the Palms rebels. After all, their people have been dying for years. Perhaps we all should've done something earlier…"

"I don't care about how it affected anyone else!" Kakashi shouted. His fist slammed into the wall. Cracks ran up the plaster in the shape of lightning. At the point of impact, a whorl of broken pieces like a spiderweb…

Kakashi pulled his fist away and chunks of plaster fell onto the bed. The Sixth Hokage slowly re-laced his fingers and put his chin right back on his hands. He stared at the door. His heart was hammering in his chest. Am I dreaming? Kakashi bit his tongue to check. He tasted blood. Guess not.

Hanare glanced at the wall. "Don't ever do that again," she said, her voice an icy calm. There was another silence. Hanare walked over and sat down at the little table near the window. Kakashi could see her from the corner of his eye. She was staring up into the night sky. One hand held her yukata closed over her bosom. The other rested on her belly.

"Kakashi," she said softly. He glanced her way. She didn't look at him, but continued speaking. "You and I are in our thirties. We're not too young to have children, you know? I have this apartment, we both have steady incomes. No one has to know about it. If you could just be around some of the time. It might be safer anyway, keeping it secret, until you're not Hokage anymore…"

"That might be awhile."

"I realize that."

"You wouldn't be happy."

"But I might be content."

"You've already made up your mind, to keep it."

"Yes."

"I… I can't," Kakashi said. He stood up.

"Is there someone else," Hanare said. She was still looking out the window.

"No." Kakashi looked around for his clothes. He found his pants under the bed.

"Do you love me?" Hanare whispered. The moonlight touched her profile with silver. Kakashi picked up his shirt from the floor. It had bits of plaster on it.

"Yes," he said. He yanked the shirt over his head. Kakashi took a long look at the woman by the window. A tear sparkled on Hanare's cheek. It ran down her face, across the smooth expanse of skin he'd kissed just a short while ago.

Kakashi turned away and put his hands in his pockets. He took a step toward the door. "I'll send money," he said.

"You won't be able to find me," Hanare said quietly. "Don't worry. We'll be fine."

Kakashi paused. The shadows on the floor were crisscrossed like swords. I wanted to fight you to the death. It had taken a long time to find Hanare the first time. After all, he'd been prepared to never see her again after the cliff, and she'd traveled far. I might never find her again. There was one shadow that looked like Grass Cutter, Sasuke's sword. Sasuke - a little boy, hurting and angry. I was more concerned with my vanity as a sensei… than the actual child. Kakashi knew no matter how long he was Hokage, no matter how much good he achieved… he would never atone for failing Sasuke. The entire world had paid the price of that vanity.

Kakashi went to the door. His fingers brushed the lock.

"Don't forget your mask," Hanare said. Kakashi hesitated, remembering yesterday, how she'd made him kiss her for it.

"It's right there on the counter," she said.

"Thanks." Kakashi smoothed the scrap of fabric over his face. He once again put his hand on the door. Something made him turn around.

Hanare was looking at him. There was no way to describe it. Kakashi only knew he had to remember it forever... or forget it completely.

Her lips curved up just slightly. "I get to tell you to go, this time," she said. "Goodbye, Kakashi."

Her eyes were shining… but bright with resolve. He nodded.

"Jaa neh."

He raised his hand to wave and tried to smile, but realized he had the mask on. He closed his eyes on the sight of Hanare at the window, the night sky beaming down on her, his child already growing inside of her body as she surrounded it with strength and serenity. The vision became darkness, the wave good-bye became a hand sign, and what might have been became a wisp of smoke in the shadows.