Zis is the creator of zis fanfiction, Urahara the Integra Fanboy. I dunno why, but what happened between Alucard's awakening and the Cheddar Village attack has always made me think. Why does Alucard enjoy his servitude? Why didn't Integra seal him away? Sure, this isn't canon or anything, but still, why not try it? There'll be fourth-wall breaking moments and inserts of my odd humor here and there, and maybe even a few cameos by random characters from other fictional works I've read.So here's chapter one of my new (and hopefully finishable) fanfiction, Of Cigars, Suits, and a nice Cup of Tea.

NOTE: I do NOT own any of the characters here. I only own the plot, and even then, it's not copyrighted. Y'dig? --brick'd--


Screaming Hurts Vampiric Ears

"..Alucard."

The kneeling vampire in leather bowed his head further to the human girl sitting in front of him, his face obscured by a mess of white hair. She had been surprised as soon as he had gone down, and was even more confused when the vampire called her 'master'.

First things first.

One: there was a vampire in front of her that had just murdered a bunch of people. Respond by moving away from it.

And that she did, using the wall to help herself up, all the while clutching the pistol her uncle tried to kill her with and that she ultimately killed him with instead.

Two: a vampire just ripped people apart. Respond: throw up.

And she did that, too, going down on her knees.

Three: just threw up after seeing a corpse turn into a vampire and rip people apart. Respond: pass out.

Well, she was about to do that, but instead decided that moving further away from the homocidal beast would be a good idea to do before collapsing in front of it.

Her pet just watched as she stumbled about, and got up to make sure she didn't fall and crack her skull open. That wouldn't be a very good thing, as the girl's blood would probably mix with the rest of the blood. The thought disgusted him.

So, as she finally got up the door, he followed after her, which made her try to move away faster.

But she was outside of his cell, so you'd think it would be fine in his mind if she fell and died. However, he had his own reasons for his next actions.

As the girl stumbled down, blacking out, the vampire took action and used his inhuman speed to catch her.

"Humans are so pathetic," he muttered, carrying the limp figure up and out of the dungeon.

He had no idea where she could be placed, so when he was above ground he opened every door he saw, and if it looked like it would belong to a human girl, then he wouldn't close it. Only a few rooms out of the whole upper level looked that way, so he took the one that smelled the most like her.

Placing the girl down, her vampire frowned. There was nothing for him to do but wait..

..And change his clothes.

In a cloud of dark matter, the leather he was wearing transformed into a black suit, with a victorian-style knotted tie. Black boots went up almost to his knee, with a slight brownish tint to them. Over his suit formed a red coat of the same victorian style.

His hair changed from long and white to short and black, and snuggling fit on his head was a wide, floppy-brimmed hat of the same coloration as his coat, and to cover his red eyes formed orange-lensed glowing sunglasses that were, in a way, like goggles.

So the vampire Alucard sat down in a chair near his master Integra's bed, waiting for her to awake. Knowing how fragile humans can be, that would either take very little time or far too much.


Integra awoke with a yelp, horrified at the dream she had. A vampire sealed in the dungeon had come loose, and her uncle tried to kill her, but the vampire killed everyone but her, and..

It made her sick thinking about it. Such an amazingly detailed dream. It almost felt real.

As she tried to lift herself out of her bed, Integra felt a sharp pain through her right upper arm.

Where she had gotten hurt in the dream.

No. It must just be a coincidence. She tried to convince herself that she might've just forgotten about accidentally hurting herself or something, but that was impossible. Nothing that important would have just slipped her mind.

"I see you're finally awake."

The voice.

It was the same voice as the vampire from her dream.

Could it really be possible that what she had dreamt was actually a memory?

She looked in the direction of the voice, and saw a red-clad figure standing beside her bed.

The great Sir Integra screamed. Loudly.


Alucard narrowed his eyes from behind his sunglasses. She had seemed to be a promising leader, but here she was, screaming in fear at the vampire she woke up.

I was better off in the dungeon.. "I thought when you shot your uncle I'd have a strong master to control me. Now you're just a pathetic little girl. Please, just seal me away again."

"Y-you vampire! What are you doing here?! What are you talking about?!"

"Ugh. You humans are so incompetant. If you have no use for me, then seal me away in my cell again so I don't have to listen to your whining!"

Alucard had walked back to his seat and plopped down, deciding that staying too close to his 'master' would probably end up with him destroying something. However, she had taken offense to his words, which made him a little happier.

But just a little. Integra wasn't showing the courage she had earlier.

"I'll have you know that I'm the head of the Hellsing family, an organization of vampire hunters! I'll summon someone up here to kill you!"

"I know who you are, MISS Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. You're weakness is making me hate this servitude even more, MASTER."

And that's when Integra had the urge to attack her new pet. Luckily enough for both of them, she controlled herself. So, she angrily left her own room to hide away in the library. That rude vampire would never think to look in there.


"Boo."

Alucard's hat-less head came through the bookshelf that Integra was looking at, severely startling her. Apparently there was no place she could hide from him that he would know to look.

"Just wait until Walter gets back, vampire! He'll get rid of you!"

"Oh, so the Angel of Death is still alive, hm? I thought he would've died by now." Alucard chuckled, imagining his friend old and frail. He came completely through the bookcase, and held Integra's shoulders.

"Listen, MASTER. I am the vampire bound to your family. Now that you have woken me up, I must serve you. The only way to get rid of me is to kill me and finally give me the peace your Great-Grandfather wouldn't allow me or seal me away like your father did. But seeing as you have no one to protect a little girl such as yourself other than Walter, it would be wise for you to keep me from a peaceful rest. I would TRULY appreciate it, however, if you would act like a stronger master than you are now, or I'll constantly beg for you to seal me away. Is that understood, MASTER?!" It had taken all he had not to apply enough force to break any of Integra's bones, and he immediately drew back.

"..I'm retreating to my coffin. Hopefully no one touched it over the years.."

With that, the vampire faded away, leaving Integra all alone.

At least Walter would be back by the evening.

CHAPTER ONE://END


If this was liked by you Hellsing fans, then would you mind rating it? Yes, it's short compared to what I was expecting, but I'll try to make up for it next chapter. Especially since Walter appears. Mmkay?