B. T.V.
By Race Baj
Dude, I don't own the X-Men, Twilight Zone, Crocodile Hunter, or Masterpiece Theater..
(Scene shows the Brotherhood House living room (Lance, Fred, and Piero are there). The words BTV are at the bottom right. Lance has a really corny smile and The camera zooms in on his teeth)
Todd: Ooh minty freshness.
Lance: Cut it out.
Todd: No!
Lance: Give me the camera!
Todd: No!
(Camera starts shaking and sounds of struggling are heard. Camera then pulls back to show Lance and Todd strangling each other while Fred watches)
Pietro: Coming soon to a TV near you.
(Lance leaps off the couch and does a elbow drop to Todd)
Pietro: BWF Wrestlemania!
(Todd drop kicks Lance. Screen fades to black. Comes back and you see Fred dressed is safari gear in a backyard. The words "Fred Dukes: Crocodile Hunter" appear.)
Fred: G'day mate. Welcome to Fred Dukes, Crocodile hunter. Today we are looking at the local creatures of wherever this is!
(A stuffed Crocodile is thrown onto the lawn)
Fred: Whoa mate! Looks like we got a jumper. Come her Mr. Crocodile!
(Fred gets it in a head lock and its head pops off. He looks confused then walks over to the Crocodile head.)
Fred: Wow... what a beauty...
(A stuffed snake is thrown on camera.)
Fred: Whoa it's the rare... uh... snake. Found only some places in the... here. Its when I see this, I am reminded of all natures-
(Camera pans down to see a real snake crawling around Fred's feet.)
Fred: Ah! Snake! Get it the *beep* off me!
(Fred starts stomping a camera goes back to a head shot of Fred as a squish is heard)
Fred: oops.
(Fade to black)
Todd: Is it dead?
Fred: Yeah?
Todd: Can I eat it.
Lance: Excuse me while I puke!
(Fade in a see Pietro in a good suit with a black background)
Pietro: There is nothing wrong with your screen. Do not attempt to adjust your TV. It is possible for me to look this good! For you have entered... The Maximoff zone.
(Screen changes and shows the X-Men in front of the X-Mansion)
Pietro: Take these losers, unlucky ones, who seem to have a nack for bad things happening to them. That is because they have entered... The Maximoff zone.
(Pietro steps off camera and a flash shoots out in front of the Mansion. Seconds later a incredibly large amount of flour falls on them.)
(Screen changes to Evan riding his Skateboard. Once again a blue flash appears and Evan's skateboard disappears. He then flies through the air and topples over a stair case.)
(Screen shows Kurt in a hall way in the Mansion. He walks inside and screams of wild animals and Kurt are heard, you then hear a bamph and smoke comes out of the room)
(Screen changes to Logan. He gets on his motor cycle and guns the engines. It explodes and he is sent flying through the air)
(Screen changes to Scott and Taryn in Scotts car. They lean in to kiss and close their eyes and a flash comes and Scott's shades are removed. A blast comes out and hits Taryn and sends her flying. Scotts car then starts driving but Scott is unaware anything has happened and is still waiting for a kiss. Scotts car goes over the edge of a cliff and a scream is heard)
(Screen changes to Kitty who is listening to music on her portable CD player. A blue flash comes and suddenly the music stops. Kitty checks the player but the batteries are gone. Scene shows Pietro with a huge battery waiting on the other side of her room. Scene then goes back to her room and a cord is connecting the battery and Kitty's boom box. She flips it on and gets electrocuted. She then walks around like someone from one of those cartoons who has just been electrocuted.)
(Scene changes to Rogue sitting on top of the Mansion. Suddenly a flash comes and Pietro appears beside her. He brings her to her feet, gives her a passionate kiss, and then spins her... off the roof.)
(Scene shows Ororo playing the Piano. Suddenly a blue flash comes and a silent ticking is heard. Ororo looks puzzled and looks inside the piano and it explodes.)
(Scene shows Jean. She is with Duncan, who kisses her. Jean then walks over to the door turns the doorknob and sighs when its locked. She inserts her key, turns it and then... KA-BLAM! The Mansion explodes and the Camera zooms out far away to see Pietro standing there. The lifeless exploded body of Jean Grey lands beside Pietro.)
Pietro: Think I overdid it?
(Fade to black)
Todd: Its obvious we all have our secrets that we want hidden... but there will always be some who want to expose them. Some... like me!
(Screen shows Todd on top a ceiling with a camera. The words "Toad's eye view"appear.)
Todd: First. Jean Grey. Miss Popularity. The girl everyone wants to be like. Poplar by dating two guys at once. But what happens where her secret shames come forth.
(Scene shows a far view of Scott's car, kissing sounds are heard. Zoom in and see Jean and... Evan!)
(Scene cuts to the X-Men watching this on TV)
Evan: I think I will be running in terror now!
(Evan runs off as Scott fires an optic blast)
(Scene goes back to Todd)
Todd: But even Scott Summers is not without guilt.
(Scene shows Scott and Jean kissing. Then cuts to Taryn and Scott, then Rogue and Scott, then Kitty and Scott, then Tabby and Scott. Go back to the X-Men watching)
Scott: All that can be easily explained...
(Scene shifts back to the TV to show Rogue and Paul)
Scott: Now this is just getting ridiculous!
(Scene shows Jean and Pietro)
Jean: This is out of hand!
(Scene shows Logan and Ororo)
Logan: uhh...
(Scene shows Logan and Jean)
Professor X: Logan!
(Scene goes back to Todd.)
Todd: Of course not everyone's secret shames involve love Triangles, or Octagons as they seem here.
(Scene shows Professor X chasing a young chibi Scott and Jean swinging a ball and chain)
Professor X: I'll mace you good!
(Scene shows X-Men)
Professor X: That was taken totally out of context!
Scott: *Rubbing is arm* I remember that day well.
Jean: How did they get a tape of that?
(Scene goes back to show. You see Logan dressed in a chefs attire watching the TV.)
Voice From TV: Now chop the vegetables and place them in the pot for boiling
(Logan throws some carrots in the air and slices them up)
Logan: Done, cooking is so much fun!
(Scene goes back to the X-Men watching, Logan blushes while everyone laughs, back to Todd)
Todd: Everyone has there shames, but none... as evil and sinister as this...
(Shows Lance watching a dancing teddy bear on TV)
Lance: Oh bear, bear you are so- Todd what are you doing? Get the *beep* camera out of my face!
(Scene shifts to Lance sitting in the living room, that now resembles a very expensive looking den.)
Lance: Think you can get all the X-Geeks furniture back before they notice?
Pietro (off camera): Yes now shut up.
Lance: Welcome to Master-Prank theater. Through the ages many pranks have been attempted. And while some have failed.
(Scene shows Lance grinning next to a doorway with a bucket over it and a sign on the door that says Jean's room.)
Kitty: Jean can I borrow-
(Kitty walks in, the bucket of water falls on her and she glares at Lance)
Lance: Some have succeeded.
(Scene shows Jean walking in the mansion. She slips on a Banana peal, falls down a flight of stairs, falls through the floor into a garbage can. The can that has been placed on wheels rolls out the door and gets hit by a truck)
Lance: Today we will show you some of the greatest pranks ever attempted.
(Scene shows Lance and Pietro dressed in black thief suits carrying a bed through the forests. Fades out and in to see Evan in the bed wake up, step out, then realizes he's in the middle of a lake.)
(Scene now shows Jean looking tired and in her soccer uniform)
Jean: A nice cool shower will help.
(Jean opens the door and is hit with a flood of slime)
(Scene shows Scott waxing his car. He finishes, lets out a sigh, and then a sewer beside the car explodes, sending sludge all over it. Scott then faints.)
(Scene goes back to Lance)
Lance: Thank you for watching Master Prank Theater.
(Music plays as credits role by)
