It's been 3 months since Rin was back and everyone was happy again.
Well almost everyone.
Today I thought. Today is going to be the day. I smiled while holding the piece of paper that I spent a little too much time on.
I took a deep breath before going up the stairs to Haru's house, of course after I petted the cute little kitten on the side of the staircase.
8:00, I better hurry or we'll both be late for school. Going into Haru's house was always the same. Breaking through the door (it's not my fault he doesn't open it) and going to the bathroom to see a perfectly relaxed Haru submerged in water. This time though, this time it was different.
"Haru?" I yelled throughout the house which I thought was occupied by only Haru and I, but I was wrong.
"Rin, don't you have to go to school?" a cold monotone voice echoed throughout the hallway
"Didn't I tell you already? Samezuka has a break for tests and stuff like that" the other replied.
I took a few steps and turned to find Rin and Haru eating breakfast together. "Um hey guys" I spoke quietly, trying not the interrupt or anything.
They both turned and Rin greeted me with a smile and Haru with the opposite. I shifted my glance to the floor, tightening my grip on the piece of paper. "Haru, why aren't you dressed? We are going to be lat-"
"I'm skipping school" the words sliced through my sentence. Staring at the black haired boy, I stammered "b-but…"
Haru turned away, face turning a slight pink. Haru was never good with words, but what he said next came flooding like a waterfall.
"Makoto! Why can't you let me be? I don't need you to be my mother. I don't need a babysitter and I don't need you" His gaze hard and icy as the words stabbed me by surprise. After a moment of silence and abruptness filled the house "Rin, let's go to the pool" broke the silence. The words stung as I realize what Haruka meant.
I didn't have the courage to look up but managed to say in a voice less than a whisper, "I get it. You chose Rin over me" then I left, not daring to take the chance that they heard me. Running down the stairs, I tried so desperately to hide the pain and brokenness that surfaced from my heart to my face.
Maybe Haru was right. Maybe I'm a burden to him. Isn't that what he meant? Maybe I'm a burden to the whole team. Tears gathering in my eyes, please go away. I pleaded in my head to stop being weak, pleaded to prevent the warm streams dripping off my cheek.
Not to school, I can't go there I thought as I let my legs carry me anywhere. Not after that. But where do I go? My thoughts soon interrupted by a buzz in my pocket.
1 message. Knowing it's not Haru I opened my phone to check who it was.
Rin?
Hey bro. I know what Haru said was really hard on you but don't take to heart. (Knowing you, you probably will) but still. Haru just wanted to mend the friendship between me and him a bit so yeah.
Plus how do you get Haru out of the pool, the lifeguard is mad.
Rin.
Mend the friendship a bit? It's been 3 months! 3 months of being left out. 3 months of feeling rejected. 3 months of no Haru.
Deep breaths Makoto, deep breaths. You love this boy too much, I told myself, ever since that day you saw him swim. Dammit. Closing my eyes, I felt more streams trail down. Dammit.
-Meanwhile-
"Haru, splashing the lifeguard wasn't necessary" the sharp teethed boy said
"But he wanted me to leave" I replied
"YOU DON'T JUST GO INTO A POOL, TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND DIVE IN WITHOUT TELLING ANYBODY!"
I didn't reply, mainly because I didn't care.
Rins breathing slowed as he opened his mouth then closed it. Like a fish I thought. Mackerel I thought.
"Don't you think you were too harsh on Mako?" the voice interrupted my thoughts.
"No. He'll get over it" I replied bluntly.
Rin looked down. His mind in thought, his face in doubt. He knew something I didn't but that was none of my business. We just kept walking away from the pool we were now banned from.
"Goodbye" Rin and I parted as he walked back to his dorm and I back home, in opposite paths.
"Seeya Haru"
Walking was peaceful but I wanted to go feel the water around me again, so I quickened my pace. I was nearly there until I heard a faint "Haruka-Senpai!" in the distance.
Rei? Turning around I saw Rei running towards me with a small figure trailing behind him. Nagisa.
"Haruka-Senpai" Rei repeated panting, sweat glistening against the already orange sky.
"Haru-Chan, why weren't you in school today?" A higher pitched voice said.
"Haruka-Senpai, are you sick?"
I looked behind them and saw something missing. I frowned, disrupting my usual blank expression.
"Wheres Makoto" I asked, not bothering to answer the nagging questions
"Makoto?" they both chimed.
"Haruka-senpai, with all due respect but why would you want to know where Makoto is?"
What are they talking about, I thought.
"Yeaaaah Haru-chan. I mean cuz like you have been ignoring him lately and if anything I would think he would be with you"
"Are you saying Makoto didn't go to school?" I asked, with a hint of concern.
The 2 looked at each other in confusion. "No."
Bzz Bzz. They're looking for me! I want to be alone as I kicked the rock along the pavement, trying hard to forget about the small piece of paper in my bag, which somehow is making my books seem 10 times heavier.
I stopped and kicked the rock one final time as I spotted someone. Rei and Nagisa? I turned and ran towards the opposite direction. They didn't notice me. Where do I go to be alone? I asked myself.
Then it hit me.
Bzz Bzz. It's annoying. Bzz Bzz. After all those years. Bzz Bzz. He doesn't even. Bzz Bzz. Care about me. 5 missed calls.
I sat down on the damp sand, letting my hands dig down and feel the texture of the grains. I hate the ocean I thought, no one is going to find me here.
After a while, I gathered up the courage to get the paper from my bag and unfold it. Just as I was about to re-read the first sentence the wind carried it away into the water.
My eyes widened. I need that paper, I thought, I need to get it back. That was the only thing repeating in my head, overriding the other thoughts about safety and stupidity.
Wading through the water that was already waist deep, the paper managed to keep afloat from the amount of decorative tape I plastered on it. It had to look good didn't it?
I nearly grabbed it when there was a rumble that vibrated the waters. Oh no. Trying to swim away was useless as I was carried away by the current. I managed to turn my head just to a giant wave crash over me.
It was painful. Gasping for air and drowning in fear. It was terrifying then something caught my eye. The paper was right in front of me.
I tried my last attempt of grabbing the paper that spiraled me into this mess.
Then started the screaming, as if the waves washed my brain awake.
Bzz Bzz. 1 Message.
I rarely use my phone but concern was washing over me. Makoto's parents even contacted me, asking if I knew where he was. It was unlike him to not answer his phone so I knew something was wrong.
I opened the message and my heart sank to find out it wasn't from Makoto.
It was just simple words from Rin.
Turn on your TV ASAP.
Huh? I thought as I switched it on.
-BOY DROWNING IN OCEAN—Flashed across the screen depicting a teenaged brunette gasping for air. Dropping the remote with my eyes wide in horror I ran to the beach.
Knowing the police won't arrive in time I let the wind slash against my skin as my stamina and speed was put to the limit.
Quickly arriving at the ocean I dove straight in. Squinting through the rain and storm was difficult but I managed to spot the tan male before he sank.
At the shore I laid the larger body on the soft sand. This was all too familiar, the storm, the ocean… Makoto…
My hands shook as I applied pressure to his chest over and over again, remembering the fear washing over myself once again.
I put my head to his chest but it wasn't moving, he wasn't breathing and I was my eyes were flooded. Either from the salt water or from the possibility that it was my fault that I might lose Makoto.
Then I heard the ambulance sirens.
Bzz Bzz
DUDE HARU, IS MAKOTO ALRIGHT?
Bzz Bzz
Haruka-Senpai, I have a deep concern. Is Makoto-senpai doing well?
Bzz Bzz
HARU-CHAN WHAT HAPPENED TO MAKOTO. IS HE DEAD PLS TELL ME HES NOT DEAD IS HE OKAY.
Can I throw my phone away? I thought as I waited outside the emergency room.
"Haruka Nanase?" The voice jerked me up.
"Doctor…" I trailed off as I stood.
The doctor looked at me, shook his head and looked down. That one shake of a head felt like an earthquake opened a crack beneath me. Like I was falling through darkness, falling through despair.
This is my fault. I sat back down before my knees failed me and closed my eyes, not willing to show the doctor my tears. "But there was something in his hand when he passed"
Swollen red eyes looked up at the doctor as I stretched my hand out and received a damp, delicate piece of paper.
Haru, I have been meaning to tell you this for a long time now. I only have the courage to say this first through a letter but… I love you. I want to be with you and I know you care about Rin probably as much as you care about me. I just wanted to let you know that I love you Haruka, more than I love swimming, more than I love cats, more than anything.
The ceremony was long and depressing. Goodbyes were said and cried and mumbled throughout the day.
Rin, Nagisa, Rei, Kou and everyone else came. If Makoto was here, he would be able to keep me happy even through this. I can't believe my short-temperedness and want to be with Rin caused all of this. I am so stupid. I can't believe I took his love for granted… took him for granted.
Rin nudged me "It's your turn to give your speech"
I looked up and walked in front of the crowd of people, in front of Makoto's still body.
I was never good with words, but the what I said next came flooding like a waterfall.
