A/N: I have not given up on my other fic Waking Up, but I hit a bit of a road block. While I'm trying to get past that, I came up with this idea. This is purely a fluff piece that is meant to make you laugh. In terms of time line and setting, this would be during the six weeks after the 4A finale. Everything is calm and good in Storybrooke and our favorite characters are enjoying those quiet moments leading up to Valentine's Day.
Ruby Lucas used her hip to open the door between the kitchen and dining room of Storybrooke, Maine's only diner, two hot plates in her hands as she bypassed tables of already served customers and made her way to the table closest to the dart board. Clearing her throat, she waited for the couple to break apart from their kiss and then slid the plates between them.
"You know that the wait staff has been pooling their tips to pay for you guys to get a room, right?" she said with an amused smile. "The lovey dovey stuff is cute, but you might be scaring off some of the customers."
Emma Swan blushed as she settled back in her seat, unfolding the napkin to place on her lap. "Sorry, Ruby," she said, avoiding eye contact with her companion as he chuckled. "We'll try to tone it down."
"I've heard that before," Ruby said, not moving from her spot even when the two both dug their forks into the meals in front of them. She again cleared her throat, gaining their attention as they both swallowed.
"There are customers who have something against us eating?" Emma asked, both her eyebrows raising up in confusion. "Or did you want something else."
The tall brunette ran her hands over her red skirt, smoothing it against her long legs. "Actually, yes," she said. "Granny's is hosting two events this month and I need volunteers." She smiled sweetly at both of them, her red lips curling upward with a secret. "First, we're having a staff appreciation night. Granny and I are going to take over the kitchen and we thought that some of our regulars could work and serve the staff that night."
Emma nodded cautiously. "That sounds like a nice idea," she said. "You want us to be wait staff for the evening?"
Ruby looked a bit uncomfortable. "I was asking you, Emma," she said. "Your parents have already agreed. Your mother is running the cash register and David's actually going to bus tables."
The sound of laughter rose again from Killian Jones, his expression hiding none of the amusement he felt picturing the prince with a box of dirty dishes and a wet rag hanging off his belt. He was already contemplating ways to witness this event. "You don't need my assistance?" he asked, lifting his coffee mug to his lips for a silent sip.
"Not that night," Ruby said, leaning toward the two as if about to divulge a secret. "But I do need you for the auction."
Now it was Emma's turn to react, stifling a laugh at the sincere gaze of Ruby and the shocked expression of Killian. "And what exactly are you planning to auction?" Emma finally asked when the woman did not volunteer any additional information.
"Oh, just the men of Storybrooke," she answered, waving her hand as if this was the most natural of ideas. "We have a list of men who have agreed to let women or men, if that's how it goes, bid on them for services. Dr. Whale will be cooking dinner for the winner of his auction. Jefferson is planning something about an evening in the park. Will's still working on his idea. All the Merry Men are being auctioned off together and will be doing odd jobs at the home of the winner of that one. I think some of the dwarfs are being auctioned together as a cleaning service – your mother's idea. So what do you say, Hook? Want to give back to charity? All the proceeds are going to the school foundation."
"Who pray tell will be paying for all these services?" Killian asked, grinning crookedly as Emma seemed to contemplate this event thoroughly. "I would hope that Emma would want my services, but she knows that she has though for free."
"Not that night she won't," Ruby said triumphantly, assuming his question meant that he was willing. Several of the women in town had specifically asked about him when she was describing the plan. She thought this would be so much harder to convince him. "She'll have to outbid the competition to get you."
Emma laughed. "Too bad I'm on a budget," she said, using her fork to point at Killian. "I've got plans to move. Maybe I could buy the Merry Men and have them move my stuff to the new place when I get it. Merry Men's Moving Service could be a great business name."
"You wouldn't bid on me?" Killian asked, disappointment tinging his otherwise amused expression. "I'm hurt, love. I thought you'd jump at the chance."
"Well, I wouldn't want to see you with no bids so I might throw a few dollars your way," she conceded, chewing her omelet thoughtfully. "What service are you going to offer? Like you said, I can get most things you offer for free." She smiled flirtatiously, letting her eyes rake over him. "But I do like the idea of you being mine for the evening."
"Whoa!" Ruby said, taking a step back from the table. "This is about raising money for charity and good clean fun. I'm not running a prostitution ring here. And if I was, I wouldn't invite the sheriff and her boyfriend to participate." The loud and insistent voice of the Widow Lucas rang out over the crowd, beckoning her granddaughter to come back and pick up a few more orders. "Be back later."
Emma watched Killian dig into his breakfast plate, the pinkish glow of his blushing from earlier still evident. "So you going to do it?" she asked, her booted foot colliding with his under the table. "Are you going to go up on display and let the women in this town ogle you and try to outbid each other?"
"Aye," he said, grinning as her foot moved a bit higher on his leg. "Ruby said it was a good cause. Perhaps I will bring in such an amount as to make you jealous, love?" His blue eyes sparkled at the thought. "I just need to come up with some service to offer."
She ran a forkful of her eggs through the tiny container of salsa and paused before taking a bite. "The obvious choice is you'd take the winner sailing," she said.
"Would you bid on that?" he asked playfully. "How much would you pay for a day alone with me on the water?"
She giggled. "Like I said, I'm a woman on a budget. And right now the services of the Merry Men are more appealing to me. Maybe you and Mr. Smee could be auctioned together. You know? Buy one get one free?"
Please tell me what you think? Should I continue?
