DISCLAMAIR
I do not own Ron, Harry, Hermione, Hagrid, McGonagall, or any of the familiar Harry Potter characters you see in this story. I do, however, own Quafflepuff, Sockamon, Milk Cow, Wade Bound, Sockster, Thestrilian, Stagman, Poser Hillbilly Tuck'n. Thank you!
"Gawsh dawgs! These here first years sure are gettin' smaller!" Hagrid hipped-hopped on seeing the first years.
The trembling first years got out of the boat… trembling. They looked around… trembling... and heard a voice from the top of the staircase saying, "First years… if you're even there, please walk, or crawl, up here so I can actually see you and brief you on what's going to happen."
The ickle firsties crawled up the stairs like the voice had said too because the steps were too tall.
"Please make a group at the top of the stairs." They gathered, panting from the long climb.
The voice was McGonagall, or, as some knew her, 'the scary lady.' McGonagall sighed. How she hated first years since HE came here.
"Okay. There are five different houses you can be sorted into. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and—"She stopped when she saw someone's hand in the air. "Yes?" she questioned, trying to keep her cool calm.
"Umm…. My big brother told me that there were only four houses!" "Yes, well we got a new one!" McGonagall snapped, "Now will you just shut up?!"
"Yes mama. I mean ma'am! AGH! WHY DID I FORGOT THE APOSTRAPHE!?!?!?" he quickly added, seeing the distortion of McGonagall's face.
i Gonnie, think of your Zen lessons. Breathe in, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, out. In, o- /i "WHAT!?!?!?" she responded after someone poked her shoulder. "Can we get on, please?"
"I suppose so…"
"Okay. You will be sorted into Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, or…………………………………………………. Quafflepuff." Whoa, Gonnie thought. I sure am going crazy if I'm repeating this stuff. She moaned and briskly led the children into the Great Hall where they stood up like good little people they weren't.
They all got to the Sorting Hat, where they sat and twiddled their thumbs, waiting for the hat to sing.
McGonagall coughed and briskly stood up, stating, "I am sorry to say that we have a new hat, and it's just not the same as the old one. It only serves the simplest of functions, and that would be blowing up the world, making cherry pies and sorting you. Thank you." There were a couple catcalls, some "Woops!" and a lot of "Pies! Devastation! Pies! Devastation!"
"All right then! I will call out your names and you will come sit down under the hat to be sorted, and then you will go b immediately /b to your table." She glared at a couple of kids looking devious.
"Bound, Wade!"
A short, brown haired boy bounded up and sat down.
"Slytherin!"
There was a wave up cheers from the far left, and many groans from the right.
"Cow...err-Milk?" McGonagall hesitated.
As she said that, there was a loud outburst from the wave of kids.
"Why that kid's more white than a black cow's cud!" cried Poser Hillbilly Tuck'n.
Throughout the jeers and the Posers, Milk's face never changed color, and he continued to walk to the chair.
"Quafflepuff!"
Everyone looked around in bewilderment. "Quafflepuff? What the heck is a Quafflepuff? Is it some sort of cheese?"
Then out of nowhere, came an explosion from behind the teacher's desk. "Whooooooooo! Quafflepuff! We like cheese, and we don't wear shorts!"
It was Roonild Wazlib (Ronald Weasley) the first, and up to five second ago, only Quafflepuffian. "Whooooo! Go Milk, Cow!" He got up and started dancing.
"Quafflepuff!" A double A batteries squirrel "nched" in here.
"Quafflepuff!"
"Nch, nch, nch, nch, nch, nch!"
"QUAFFLEPUFF!!!!!!!! Wooooooh!" He suddenly got a cheerleader's outfit on and kicked his legs up in the air.
There was a wave of gasps and giggles, and Sinatra shouted, "Not in front of the kids, Wazlib... or me, for that matter!"
Gonnie shuddered and shook her head. How did this all happen, you ask? Well, it started on a night much unlike tonight...
center b Flashback /center /b
It was the night of Voldemort's death that occurred a week ago, at Hogwarts. Harry was in a corner, rocking back and forth, being very felt-sorry-for my his fan girls, Ron was making goatees and mustaches for his sock puppets friends and himself, and Hermione was reading a book called, "What to do When Your Friends Are Mentally Insane because They Just Defeated Mr. What's-His-Face", and taking copious notes.
Just when Hermione got to the chapter called, "Now about Those Sock Puppets..." a voice on the announcement-thing said, "Would the Sockster, Tooth Fairy, Thestrilian, and Stagman please bring the wink-wink to my office to discuss the Moldy Ship destruction."
A younger voice dreamily said, "Oh, I'm already here."
The first voice snapped back on with, "Oh, yes, whatever. Just come already."
The Gryffindor common room buzzed with laughter over the names. After a minute or two of sulking, the trio got Harry's invisibility cloak, and left to go to McGonagall's office.
