Damn romance, she thought. I'll be different. I'll gun down romance, take it out of my life so I don't expect it. So I don't relish every moment with Clark and agonize over every moment that could have been. She blinked, and all those thoughts vanished as he walked up to her. If anyone had control over someone, it was Clark over her... sure, he might have been the one who had loved her from afar (and she knew it) but ever since that night at the graveyard way back, almost two years ago, she found that she could lose herself in Clark. And she liked to lose herself. At first it used to be that he was there when she needed to scream, or when she needed to just be there, and not have to be anything. But then she noticed the reason behind that feeling Clark. And the more she noticed him, the better the feeling got. Finally, she used her brain and realized that it was Clark and not this feeling that was drawing her towards this relationship. If he hadn't been such a damn boy scout and stopped anything from happening when Whitney was pulling away, God knows what could have been. But, she valued this relationship above almost all others, and she liked knowing where it had started realizing what it was leading to, or at least what she hoped it would lead to. She remember how hurt he had made her just a little while back not so much the incident at the bar but the fact that he was like two different people. She had been so angry at him, and then she had seen Byron. He had been tortured, sad, and secretive, like Clark. And when those secrets had been suddenly exposed, everything had gone wrong and Byron had been turned into something he was never meant to be. It was then she had realized that as much as she wanted to be part of his secrets if she forced her way in, she would either change what was supposed to be or be pushed out. And she had backed down. Slowly, Clark had returned to her and she found that though she still hungered for all those answer, Clark wasn't ready to give them. She looked up and saw him looking at her, trying to read her.
"I'm glad we're better than we were. I couldn't stand those few weeks that you were angry at me," he said. His eyes meandered with sincerity, as he searched her face.
She put her walls up again.
"We might be better, Clark, but what I said still stands," she said, more icily than she wanted to. She saw his jaw tighten, and his eyes retreat from that spot of hope that had been there. She smiled at him, wanting to make amends. Something had changed in those few weeks, she thought. She had become so attached to Clark, and moreover to his happiness. She loved the fact that his relationship with her was in direct correlation of that, and she loved that the same could be said for her. If she had thought he had been a big part of her life last spring, during the twisters, it was nothing compared to what he was now. She continued. "But I couldn't stay mad at you. Maybe it was all a trade-off. For you being there every time I need you, you wouldn't be able to explain the few times you weren't." He smiled a little more, and looked into her eyes. She stared up, noting that today, his eyes were blue, probably because of the crisp blue shirt he wore over the white t-shirt. They were holding her again, like they always did and she wasn't poetic enough to think of any words that could describe those eyes that wouldn't sound like a cliche. But despite her incoherence, she loved those eyes. It took a great amount of Lana's strength to look away and today, she realized for the first time she had no reason to. He was so close to her, she could smell his fresh, pure scent. She turned her shoulders to face him more. "I would have driven myself crazy if I had stayed mad at the person I cared about the most." There. She had laid her cards on the table. It was up to Clark to pick them up and play with them. He might back down like he usually did.
But not this time. He was buoyed with their reestablished relationship, and the path was clear. For once, there was no Whitney, no Chloe. no Nell. It wasn't a moment compromised by a Nicodemus flower, or Red Kryptonite or the false impression that Whitney was drifting away. It was finally just about Clark and Lana. No powers, no near death situations. Just him leaning in closer to her, until he kissed her. And then, more than any other time, it was only about them.
It was the third time they had ever kissed or at least she thought. Someone had told her she had made a move on Clark during that Nicodemus incident... but you know what they say, Lana. Third times a charm. And it was. All of a sudden she was grounded but flying at the same time. It was finally happening, her and Clark were finally together with nothing between them and that brought her down to earth, and made her glad to be on Earth. But she was flying because she had this feeling that no matter who came along, Clark would be the one made for her. No matter what separated them, no matter who else came along, Clark Kent would always be her first love, the One as everyone called it.
Clark was past heaven, past everything, as far as maybe where he'd come from, with contentment. Things would work themselves out Lana and him would establish a solid relationship, and he'd be able to tell her everything. It doesn't feel like this with everyone, he reasoned. She is so special. Slowly, he pulled away but only as far of the tips of their noses. He dared to open his eyes and saw her smiling back at him. He flashed his white teeth, and their look conveyed a message that no one else could understand. They were there that place they had spent almost two years reaching, through everything the world could throw at them. They were finally at that place where all that mattered was that they had both reached, still feeling the way that two people in love should. There was nothing else between Lana Land and Clark Kent except love now, and that's the way it should have always been.
"I should go," he said, quietly and tentatively. Both knew that one word on protest from Lana and he would cancel whatever he had to do and stay with her for the rest of the day. She smiled however.
"Yeah," was the only thing she said, and it was barely audible. He looked at her, trying to read her mind and realized that it was a direct reflection of his.
"I want to see you tonight," he said. She nodded. He smiled, kissed her quickly and let her lose herself one last time in his lovelorn gaze before pulling away.
She smiled, filled with satisfaction. So much for gunning down romance, she thought. She watched his retreating back, wanting to relive that moment. She knew she couldn't though and she was ready to settle for just seeing his face once more seeing his eyes dance, the way she knew hers were right now. And like always, he was dependable. He turned just before he exited the room, and smiled.
"I'll see you tonight," he said. He might as well have echoed the words he had said only a few weeks back "I'll pick you up at eight" in that state of utter confusion. She had been so angry, partially at his strange behavior and partially at his inability to explain it. But at the root of it, she had been angry, because there had been a Clark who had finally said everything she wanted to hear, who had kissed her, who had betrayed her and then who had made a 180 degree turn just as fast as his first one. She had been so close to having everything she ha ever wanted with him, before he had become... himself again. And she had been scared that those times, those turbulent times when Clark got in those moods would be the only time she would ever be with him. She had been scared that after that time, there would be no more times and that Clark would be so apprehensive that nothing would ever be normal again. Mostly, she had been confused. This new Clark had emerged, someone who was nothing like the old one she loved so much. But this new guy could do everything that she hated the old Clark for not doing- making a move, being bold, professing his feelings and acknowledging hers. At the same time, this new guy was the opposite of everything she loved about the old Clark-- his gentleness, his apprehensiveness everything was gone, even those heart stopping glances he gave her. In one swoop, she saw everything she loved about the old Clark and wondered if she could ever have it again. And after that scene at the bar, she thought nothing would ever be the same. But then, there he was again. Everything she loved about him was back, and everything she hated about him was back. Her rejoicing was stopped however, by the mystery that shrouded that whole episode. She didn't know what to feel about something she didn't even know how to explain. But this time, everything made sense. And though he hadn't told her everything, though she wasn't ready to forgive or forget the way he had acted, this past week had changed everything. She and Clark were on their way to working everything out. She turned and began to arrange her papers and gather her books so she could get to work on time, and realized that for the first time, she was deliriously happy. What took me so long? she thought to herself. Forget denying herself of a feeling like this, she knew Clark was in the same state of euphoria, and for the number of times he had been there for her, she owed him this feeling.
"Lana," someone called. It was a familiar voice, one she associated with love. She looked up, but there was no rush of feelings, no shy smile to greet, nor were there they eyes she knew so well, the eyes she felt were hers because of the security and love held in them. Instead she was reminded of how she had been torn apart, how she had been angry with what she knew she should have done, what she didn't do and what she could have done. She was reminded exactly why she had denied Clark and herself of the feeling that was quickly taking a backseat to her new emotion- shock.
In front of her, stood a tired, world weary and battered Whitney.
He was smiling at her, a smile she detested because it was so like the one Clark had been wearing when he walked out of the room. A smile full of love, and longing and devotion. And she wouldn't mind it on Whitney, except for the fact that she could only give that smile to one person and from now on, she had vowed to let that person be Clark. Even if she could have given that smile to Whitney, she didn't want to. She wasn't going to betray her heart anymore. She was with Clark, and she tried to keep that feeling of happiness with her, but she realized that yet again another obstacle had popped up.